justsomeguy

Ironically... in hell 20 years of posting on probably ... .50 different forums about varying topics from my profession, to hobbies, to addiction, there has always been an element of smart asses....

for the first time ever....

I know what all the "good hearted" people are going to say....

today... I'm looking for the smart asses, because they will speak the truth.

I will not steal, I will not be violent, I need words.

I am with a beautiful amazing woman. I mean that sincerely.

I have been what I consider a very successful person, mid 6 figure income, all the fancy brand cars you can quickly name, business owner, what have you.

Currently... I'm doing I think... probably very well, not the same as before, ... but doing well.... today, I won't be tomorrow.. I'm quickly heading down a bad path, and no matter the help I get it never helps so really I'm just prolonging it..

At some point I'm going to have to hit the streets. My beautiful wonderful girl... keeps holding out hope, I know from all the years I've been involved with this, I'm going to have to hit the very rock bottom and either die, or live under a street, and then,... maybe I'll make it all back? who knows... but...
I'm not naieve... it will take years... I do not want her to stick around for the horrible future I know addiction brings, even if the eventual recovery may be great... the life it requires... may not be for her... so.... she want's to hold on and be supportive... but she does not realize the trauma ahead.. I'm hoping I hit the bottom... lose everything and come back to be a great role model to recovery... but it will not be a fun road..

so... how do I get her to understand the grueling path ahead? I love and owe her too much for that.

BTW, for anyone that knows me, or has read my posts or bothers to.. this is not my former wife... I left her 2 years ago.

I appreciate any words ?

Soberwolf

20 years on forums hasnt helped friend have you considered long term rehab

Without gf/wife involved

I dont know what to say or to offer as its obvious you need help yet i feel if i say anything youl just knock it back

Long term rehab 6-12 months ?

(one of my sisters just started a 6 month rehab) she really wants this she knows its the only real choice at sobriety and you echo this so i suggest it to you

You dont convince your gf you end it for sobrietys sake and enter rehab because its the right thing to do

who knows what the future will hold after that

Gilmer

That's a really good idea.

Hope7726

As a non-addict I read this and think, if you already know you're going down a bad road why not slam on the brakes and make a U-turn?! BUT I remind myself that your journey is your own.

I commend you for loving your partner enough to let her go. Part of me wishes my AXBF had done that to me when I discovered his addiction. But I was also certain my love and support could get him through recovery and I was determined to hang on until I was no longer comfortable hanging on.

Does she know your history? Does she know what rock bottom has been for you in the past? Honestly, I would tell her what you told us. It's pretty straightforward and non offensive. Reassure her it has nothing to do with her. She will be devastated but grateful in time.

PurpleKnight

To address the question there are many ways to see the damage alcohol does to a relationship or to oneself by being around an alcoholic, signing up here to SR and spending an hour reading threads can be an eyeopener, we even have a friends/family section and the destruction alcohol can cause is clear to see.

When I was younger I attended Al-anon and Alateen meetings as my dad was an alcoholic, and it's very similar, sit through a meeting and again no one will be under any illusions as to how destructive alcohol can be from real people sharing their experiences.

However the wider picture is sorting out your life, why not get off the train rather than waiting for it to derail and crash?!!

There's no inevitability in any of this, we all can choose to write a new chapter to our lives, it just takes the right support and a plan of action to make Sobriety happen.

We all have it within ourselves to turn a corner!!

justsomeguy

stupid observation. LOL, I can't find anyone who has been on this forum as long as me. LOL, what's that say.... sheesh...

PurpleKnight

Click the "community" tab at the top of the page, click "members list", lastly click "join date" at the top of one of the columns and it'll order all members by join date and give you almost 40 pages of pre 2006 members!!

Dee74

Hi again justsomeguy

as someone who picked booze over relationship, I want to let you know you can make the other choice and pick the relationship.

There's nothing inevitable about you drinking yourself to death - it is possible to arrest that slide.

I joined SR after you, sure, but I'm looking down the barrel of 8 years sober soon - there's no reason that you couldn't be doing the same here in 2022.

I used to be the neighbourhood drunk drinking all day and night - I nearly died - but I turned it around.

whats stopping you? fear, despair, pride?

You seem like a decent hardworking diligent kind of guy - why not work on getting and staying sober?

You've given years to drinking right? give just one year to recovery - do whatever it is you need to do to stay sober. I promise you you would not regret it

It's never to late to write a new ending to your story, man - here is *always* hope.

D

Aellyce

Hi, I'm very sorry that you are feeling so hopeless at the moment. I was in a relationship with another alcoholic (I am one, too) who did not want to quit or change much in his life back then. I left him in the end, after much struggle and suffering trying to save us and myself but not willing to give up the booze for my own sake for a long time.

To be honest, I am not sure you can convince your partner to leave you if you don't set boundaries and if she does not want to leave you. But why are you asking for this? It sounds to me that you are not focused on making your life better, on getting sober... and you don't have the courage to tell her you want to do this and need your time and energy for it? Do you really believe if she were out of the picture, you would work on this more intensely? Perhaps you would just use that time to drink more, free from that responsibility of maintaining a relationship...

Also, 20 years is a long time... why not putting all your energies into getting and keeping sober for a while, then working on maintaining it? Speaking with your partner honestly about all this would make things easier for both of you.

CupofJoe

How about trying to stop living her life for her, let her make her own decisions, and try to start making your own life better. A good bet would be to check into long term rehab and see if she's still around when you get out.

**Disclaimer, I'm a smart alec in real life, but it's hard for me to be this way on the forum for fear of being taken the wrong way. So I hope this is what you're looking for** **insert smart alec/non smiley face**



PS Non smart alec response: It took me a long time to get sober. You can stop any time; I was almost on the streets and it's not pretty. (Thankfully I had people I could live with.) I hope you'll start doing the work to get sober. It's worth it.

foolsgold66

I'm a smartass sometimes.

Got a crystal ball? You know what's going to happen in the future, what you'll do under the influence, as an addict of some sort? Really?

You don't. See above statement about crystal ball.

Others have offered positive advice about getting and staying sober, you should take it. Sometimes it is better for all to let go of trying to live life on your terms.

I wish you well. And I do mean that.

silentrun

I understand where you are coming from. I had to sit my husband down and very carefully explain to him what was going on. His denial is still intact even after my explanation. I told him if I fail to stay sober to run like hell and take the kid with him. It's going to be really bad.

I was drinking nightly a pint of whiskey. One morning I realized that just wasn't going to do it anymore. I wanted to drink all the time. I didn't want to go to work, clean the house, take care of things like I had been doing. I wanted to get drunk and stay that way. I call it the all in/or all out line. The edge of the abyss or last chance to get off line.

So you decided all in did ya? It doesn't have to be that way you know. You still have a choice. I decided to make a run for it. Start putting distance between my last drink and me. Don't think about it just start and don't look back. I don't have anything you don't so there is no reason you can't do the same.

Smartass part: Dude the things you listed after you called yourself a success might be part of your problem

schnappi99

Serious answer:

Encourage her to try alanon meetings, go with her if she's uncomfortable at first. Tell her they know how to handle alcoholics and can teach her how to, because you're unable to turn yourself around and there is no bottom in sight for you.

Smart-ass answer:

You seem to have a big, well-oiled ego operating there.. impressive. Did you tell her all that stuff too?

LexieCat

I like that. I like that a LOT.

Yeah, what strikes me is that you have this air of inevitability about it all. Nothing is inevitable. You have choices. You might not have the choice about whether or not you drink right now, but you can quit fighting it, quit all the self-pity around your loss of "success," and ASK FOR HELP. That crap about what your g/f "deserves" is your ego talking. She apparently is willing to stand by you. That's her choice.

Partners of alcoholics tend to stay because they see in us potential. Not necessarily the big income and external trappings of success, but something lovable about us that we can't see because of our clouded vision.

You ARE worth saving. We all are. But it isn't going to happen without your cooperation and your own commitment.

And if you really have decided you simply want to drink yourself to death, then just spare her the drama and break up with her. Don't tell her sad stories about how much you will suffer. That's manipulation and it stinks. Tell her you don't want to be with her anymore, be decent about it, and move on.

Tamerua

Why do you have to hit that bottom? You choose your own bottom, I know that when you're in the midst of it that doesn't seem likely or possible, but once you're on the other side, it is obvious. Don't make this a self fulfilling prophecy. Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery

Soberwolf

Is this comment a joke at yourself ?

Xtreem

In my humble opinion - nothing

LexieCat

The fact that you have been here since 2006 and in eight years have posted 106 times says something to me. It says you come in here when life happens to be sucking and you are feeling bad. I've been on here since 2010, have posted almost 8,000 times, and that includes a few long stretches of absence here at the forums. What have you been doing for those eight years when you weren't posting? Have you ever been to rehab? Or even an IOP? Have you gone to AA or other support groups? Because it doesn't appear you have relied very heavily on SR for help and support.

schnappi99

What Lexie said in above 2 posts. Think I let myself be triggered by the OP's language.. sorry all...

Bailey3

Really! You want to go all the way down as far as you can go and, then come back as a model for recovery! Your not a martyr. That's quite a self centered ego.

As another poster said your just using this woman the "love of your life". Leave her if your going to go through with your stated intentions.

I see by your profile that you have a daughter. Think about her and, how this decision is going to affect her. You've made it very clear that you have a lot of money. Maybe if you used this money to get the help you needed you could become a role model to her instead of to recovery.

Deep down I think you really want to obtain sobriety and lead a worthwhile life otherwise you wouldn't have posted here today. All you need to do is try. There's another thread here that says "Suck it up and do it". That's all you got to do.