How do I convince the love of my life to leave me?
painless
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: somerset
Posts: 138
you can make the choice to NOT GO BACK DOWN THAT ROAD... WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO GO THROUGH THAT TERROR AGAIN AND AGAIN??? I would give anything in this world to get back the one women who gave all of herself to me yet I chose drugs over her love. I was stupid and didnt realize it at the time but you... YOU KNOW RIGHT FROM WRONG!!!! YOU KNOW WHAT THE ROAD OF ADDICTION HAS IN STORE FOR YOU... WHY LOSE ALL THAT YOU HAVE JUST TO HIT ROCK BOTTOM AND HOPE YOU SURVIVE.??? THATS A POOR EXCUSE TO BE CLEAN. I DONT KNOW YOU FROM ADAM BUT I KNOW WHAT YOU YOURSELF IN YOUR HEART KNOW WHICH IS... ITS TOTALLY SELFISH FOR YOU TO ABUSE DRUGS OR ALCOHOL WHEN YOU KNOW YOUR GOING TO HURT A LOVING PERSON. I WISH I COULD SPEAK TO YOU FACE TO FACE SO YOU COULD SEE A PERFECT STRANGER CRY... GOD GAVE YOU THE GIFT OF LIFE... WHAT YOU DO WITH THAT LIFE IS YOUR GIFT BACK TO GOD!!!! DAMN IT BROTHER... GOD SAW FIT TO PARTNER YOU UP WITH SOMEONE THAT LOVES YOU AND YOUR THINKING ITS OK TO USE AND DESTROY THAT LOVE? Some people go their entire lives in search of a love like you have and never find it... you have it, you have money, you have health... yet you wanna hit rock bottom because why??? please answer that so maybe we can try to understand this better... im praying for you to do the right thing... i lost the most precious and loving woman i have ever known and all because i chose drugs over her... what i would give to have her back only god could understand... i would do anything to have that love back that i destroyed... at least you understand what your about to do... i woke up from a bad addiction clean to find i destroyed the only good thing in my life... it was like a bad dream.. one minute she was in my arms loving me and the next she was gone... i deserve this hell... you can stop what i couldnt... please man... think of yourself first because your the most important part of this equation... YOU CAN MAKE THIS GOOD... GOD BLESS YOU... DO THE RIGHT THING DAMNIT!!! 
paradox
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 665
You can call me: "smart ass".
You are a clever man, on many levels.
On many levels, you are deluding yourself.
Imagine you can see into the future . . .
Look at the beautiful face of your amazing woman.
See her tears as she tells you that she's leaving.
Try to imagine how you will feel about the way she feels.
Now you can chose between your love of a good woman . . .
or your love of drink.
The drink won't love you back.
In keeping with my new "smart ass" label, here's a little poem for us:
.
I've been there
and failed her.
I'll never forget
her tears and
regret.
You fear her tears;
her wasted years.
You will, I did, stink.
For the love of
drink.
No matter when or how;
whether you end it now
or she leaves in future . . .
You can call that:
Failure.
.
Here's hoping you make a different decision today.
Take care.
~ dox
You are a clever man, on many levels.
On many levels, you are deluding yourself.
Imagine you can see into the future . . .
Look at the beautiful face of your amazing woman.
See her tears as she tells you that she's leaving.
Try to imagine how you will feel about the way she feels.
Now you can chose between your love of a good woman . . .
or your love of drink.
The drink won't love you back.
In keeping with my new "smart ass" label, here's a little poem for us:
.
I've been there
and failed her.
I'll never forget
her tears and
regret.
You fear her tears;
her wasted years.
You will, I did, stink.
For the love of
drink.
No matter when or how;
whether you end it now
or she leaves in future . . .
You can call that:
Failure.
.
Here's hoping you make a different decision today.
Take care.
~ dox
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Earth
Posts: 607
How do you get her to understand the grueling path ahead? Keep following it! She'll figure it out real quick!
No one wants to live with an addict or a drunk. Trust me I know. I have many years experience destroying loved ones.
Get over yourself and get some help!
No one wants to live with an addict or a drunk. Trust me I know. I have many years experience destroying loved ones.
Get over yourself and get some help!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 625
Based on what you decided was germane to include in this post and my experience, I'd say that you're quite a bit like I was in many ways. You're intelligent, driven, successful by most measures... which means that you have a better than average chance of killing yourself via alcoholism.
Some people hit a brick wall and can't figure out how to keep drinking and so they go to treatment or AA or something...but not us. Nope, we're smart enough to figure out a way to keep drinking, to hide the damage, to get someone else to own our mistakes... we're smart enough to drink ourselves to death.
As far as the love of your life goes... you can't figure out how to save yourself; you are ill-qualified to save her. That said, if you really are committed to saving her from the horror of loving an active alcoholic on his last run, then find recovery and make it stick.
I'm betting you've done the impossible in business more than once - time to do the impossible again. This time in your personal life. You're always free to choose a different future. Good luck on whatever path you choose.
Some people hit a brick wall and can't figure out how to keep drinking and so they go to treatment or AA or something...but not us. Nope, we're smart enough to figure out a way to keep drinking, to hide the damage, to get someone else to own our mistakes... we're smart enough to drink ourselves to death.
As far as the love of your life goes... you can't figure out how to save yourself; you are ill-qualified to save her. That said, if you really are committed to saving her from the horror of loving an active alcoholic on his last run, then find recovery and make it stick.
I'm betting you've done the impossible in business more than once - time to do the impossible again. This time in your personal life. You're always free to choose a different future. Good luck on whatever path you choose.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
So you dump your partner, destroy yourself slowly and think you are sparing her? Wow! That kind of logic gets you all those cars? Methinks you are wallowing in the self-loathing that only alcoholism can reduce us to and wish for her, us or anyone to agree that you are a monster. Sorry pal! You are not more monstrous than me when I was drinking and being real and honest with her and YOURSELF will be freedom. Sober up and come back and read your post. You will think someone else wrote it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: NY
Posts: 144
Life is all about choices, It's very simple. A relationship with a substance and a person (real life) are the opposite. Surviving is all about remaining somewhere in the middle, Happiness and Anger work in the same way. We can either go too high or we can either go too low.
I think maintaining a materialistic lifestyle by working all the time is much harder than giving up something that destroys life.
If she is the love of your life, Save her the agony and leave. People have to help themselves in order to help others. My experience...
I think maintaining a materialistic lifestyle by working all the time is much harder than giving up something that destroys life.
If she is the love of your life, Save her the agony and leave. People have to help themselves in order to help others. My experience...
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
Originally Posted by LexieCat 
And if you really have decided you simply want to drink yourself to death, then just spare her the drama and break up with her. Don't tell her sad stories about how much you will suffer. That's manipulation and it stinks. Tell her you don't want to be with her anymore, be decent about it, and move on.
In any event, if you commit suicide by alcohol, you're going to cause her some serious damage whether or not you're still together at the time. Especially if you manage to do what you seem to want to, which is to end the relationship in a way that makes her think she's the one walking away when in fact you're the one who's ending it. You'll leave her with survivor's guilt, what if's, etc. You'd be permanently altering her and her future relationships.
It makes me think that maybe that's the kind of drama you're craving, consciously or sub-consciously. Your question makes me feel like you don't really care about her pain, you care about the contours of the tragedy you're writing. "You must go!" "I can't!" "Yes, leave me, save yourself!" "No, I could never!" and much weeping until the shattered love interest walks away from our doomed hero, vowing to love him forever. It's a very cruel thing to do to a person.
I do recognize that this question was kind of bait... I'm taking it with awareness.
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
Smartass answer: sign over all of your assets to her now before you leave her since you care so much.
Sincere answer (not much better): I don't think there is much I can say to change your circumstances. I didn't end up homeless but I did end up waking each day having to decide if I was going to drink or if this was the day I end it all. I hope you don't end up there because losing my soul to this disease was worse than anything else it could have taken from me. I hope you find your way -- it can be done!
Sincere answer (not much better): I don't think there is much I can say to change your circumstances. I didn't end up homeless but I did end up waking each day having to decide if I was going to drink or if this was the day I end it all. I hope you don't end up there because losing my soul to this disease was worse than anything else it could have taken from me. I hope you find your way -- it can be done!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,997
Originally Posted by Grungehead
Smartass answer: sign over all of your assets to her now before you leave her since you care so much.
Sincere answer (not much better): I don't think there is much I can say to change your circumstances. I didn't end up homeless but I did end up waking each day having to decide if I was going to drink or if this was the day I end it all. I hope you don't end up there because losing my soul to this disease was worse than anything else it could have taken from me. I hope you find your way -- it can be done!
Sincere answer (not much better): I don't think there is much I can say to change your circumstances. I didn't end up homeless but I did end up waking each day having to decide if I was going to drink or if this was the day I end it all. I hope you don't end up there because losing my soul to this disease was worse than anything else it could have taken from me. I hope you find your way -- it can be done!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 423
Smartass Answer:
I have been on this forum longer than you!
I consider myself very successful and a little luck with stocks has helped!
But I am reading humility in your post and fear. It's very difficult to have real wealth and be successful and live with the very real possibility that you may lose everything including your family. How do I know about that? It darn near happened to me.
I am at eleven years sober and have my family, my career and just as important my self respect.
Being successful is knowing that you can never quit and that you have what it takes to make it through anything. It's also knowing that this disease is more powerful than we are and we need help to achieve and maintain sobriety.
Get a chemical dependency evaluation, go through the appropriate treatment, put the hard work in and yes it's hard.
If your lucky, your family will be there but the ball is in your court brother.
Dave
I have been on this forum longer than you!
I consider myself very successful and a little luck with stocks has helped!
But I am reading humility in your post and fear. It's very difficult to have real wealth and be successful and live with the very real possibility that you may lose everything including your family. How do I know about that? It darn near happened to me.
I am at eleven years sober and have my family, my career and just as important my self respect.
Being successful is knowing that you can never quit and that you have what it takes to make it through anything. It's also knowing that this disease is more powerful than we are and we need help to achieve and maintain sobriety.
Get a chemical dependency evaluation, go through the appropriate treatment, put the hard work in and yes it's hard.
If your lucky, your family will be there but the ball is in your court brother.
Dave
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
I was very close to losing my guy from drinking and blackout behavior. I thought maybe he should leave me too. Maybe that would be what I need to finally see the light and get sober.
Someone on here told me this and it really changed my thinking:
It would be just as difficult and just as much struggle to get sober whether he left or not.
That really changed my thinking. I wanted him to stay. I wanted to stop drinking. You can have both.
Someone on here told me this and it really changed my thinking:
It would be just as difficult and just as much struggle to get sober whether he left or not.
That really changed my thinking. I wanted him to stay. I wanted to stop drinking. You can have both.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Justeomeguy,
Please consider what I'm going to say, it may sound harsh but please meditate on it. are you wanting your lovely lady to leave so you can be free to indulge our disease alcoholism? because thats what it sounds like to me.
You get a double bonus here...noble guy shucks off this loving woman for the loving arms of alcoholism and can lots of reasons for self pity.
Listen, we know it's not easy to get sober. We have to work it every day. don't throw in the towel. You may need more help. Like many of have. don't give up.
Love from Lenina
Please consider what I'm going to say, it may sound harsh but please meditate on it. are you wanting your lovely lady to leave so you can be free to indulge our disease alcoholism? because thats what it sounds like to me.
You get a double bonus here...noble guy shucks off this loving woman for the loving arms of alcoholism and can lots of reasons for self pity.
Listen, we know it's not easy to get sober. We have to work it every day. don't throw in the towel. You may need more help. Like many of have. don't give up.
Love from Lenina
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
Seems to me you love her (in a fashion) enough to want to spare her watching you self destruct.
Seems to me your problem is a complete lack of any love for yourself.
That's alcoholism.
You've tried filling the gaps in you with money, cars, women and booze.
All to no avail. You can't fix a spiritual problem with material and chemical solutions.
Log on to Xaspeakers, search for a talk by Ted H
Pretty similar story to yours.... Millions of dollars, big houses, fast cars..... And gallons of booze.
If anything might get through to you, that might.
Seems to me your problem is a complete lack of any love for yourself.
That's alcoholism.
You've tried filling the gaps in you with money, cars, women and booze.
All to no avail. You can't fix a spiritual problem with material and chemical solutions.
Log on to Xaspeakers, search for a talk by Ted H
Pretty similar story to yours.... Millions of dollars, big houses, fast cars..... And gallons of booze.
If anything might get through to you, that might.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Sorry, but if I can get -- and stay -- sober, anyone can. Poor me, poor me, pour me a drink! Have you done 90 meetings in 90 days in AA, with a sponsor? I had the "gift of desperation" -- it was either not drink or die, fear of death resulted in going to AA, the last thing on earth I wanted to do. Three things are necessary for sobriety: openness, honesty and willingness. So do some self-reflection here. If you don't want to stop drinking tell the girlfriend you've chosen booze over her, because it's the truth. In typical alcoholic thinking you don't want to take the responsibility of ending a relationship but want to talk her into doing it. The answer isn't outside -- in countless forums, a girlfriend, more stuff -- it's inside you. So get honest.
Let me tell you what was shocking: when I was newly sober (23 years ago) someone said: "you don't have to drink today." HUH? Well I believed I had to drink a magnum of wine every day. So you don't have to drink either.
Let me tell you what was shocking: when I was newly sober (23 years ago) someone said: "you don't have to drink today." HUH? Well I believed I had to drink a magnum of wine every day. So you don't have to drink either.
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