| anyistoomuch | 10-31-2014 07:25 AM |
Today is one year alcohol free for me
I remember, it was on Halloween last year that I couldn't remember what I had done the previous weekend, that I was close to broke, and I was feeling a deep, deep sense of shame that I knew I was out of control. For some reason after this particular drunk, I had a moment of acceptance that my drinking was ruining my life, and I was helpless against alcohol. So - I hit an emotional rock bottom, turned on my computer, and found SR.
I'm not sure what I want to say about it, really, except that I never envisioned that I would be living life without wine, and I am. I never thought I'd be able to be social without wine, and I am. I never thought I could get through so many hard things without wine, and I am.
My goal was to "Never Feel the Need To Drink Again". The first hurdle was admitting I couldn't drink alcohol safely.
The second was extracting alcohol from my life, no matter what it meant. If I wound up alone and desperate, so be it. If I wound up having to accept the shi*ty things in my life as a product of my own poor efforts, so be it. If it meant that I had to grow up and deal with my mental health squarely-and stop blaming my upbringing, my circumstances, or how unfair it all is - so be it. I mean seriously - I took one solid look at myself as a drinker! What the h*ll was I clinging to???
The last hurdle was learning to love and accept the person, me, who was now the non-drinker with nothing to hide behind. I'm still tripping over this one, but people much wiser than me tell me that's a lifetime's work...
I feel blessed that I found SR when I did. I wouldn't have been able to put the right effort into quitting if I wasn't able to come here and read, sometimes post, and connect with others who, in so many ways, were just like me.
Smiles friends! Thank you! | 