My living hell. Does it get better?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 135
My living hell. Does it get better?
Hey everyone,
if you'd read my story, I'd really appreciate it.
I'm really suffering right now. I'd cry but i don't have the energy. I'm so depressed I just don't want to move. Every day is a frightening hell. I've been a heavy drinker every single night for many years. My health is shot. I obsess over the many alcohol related ailments I convince myself I have. I can see it in my eyes.
As low, and scared, and sick i feel right now, it's hard to imagine I'd recover. Does it get better? Does life become worth living? i'm afraid that I've permenantly destroyed myself and my life.
And when i look at my innocent little boy, it breaks my heart. (ok...now i found the energy to cry)
If this isn't my bottom, I'd hate to see what that's like.
if you'd read my story, I'd really appreciate it.
I'm really suffering right now. I'd cry but i don't have the energy. I'm so depressed I just don't want to move. Every day is a frightening hell. I've been a heavy drinker every single night for many years. My health is shot. I obsess over the many alcohol related ailments I convince myself I have. I can see it in my eyes.
As low, and scared, and sick i feel right now, it's hard to imagine I'd recover. Does it get better? Does life become worth living? i'm afraid that I've permenantly destroyed myself and my life.
And when i look at my innocent little boy, it breaks my heart. (ok...now i found the energy to cry)
If this isn't my bottom, I'd hate to see what that's like.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
By what you describe is sounds like my bottom. Emotionally and mentally crashed.
I can tell you it does get better if you commit to recovery. You get out of it what you put into it.
Dig deep and get some help. I personally called AA. They sent a lady out to pick me up and take me to a meeting. I have been sober ever since.
It all starts with day one. Everything is going to be okay
I can tell you it does get better if you commit to recovery. You get out of it what you put into it.
Dig deep and get some help. I personally called AA. They sent a lady out to pick me up and take me to a meeting. I have been sober ever since.
It all starts with day one. Everything is going to be okay
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
It is truly amazing how strong and resilient the human mind, body and spirit is, once you start taking care of it. I drank regularly for 27 years. I quit drinking a little over a year ago and I have never felt healthier in my life, in all facets. Truly surrender to a new sober way of life and experience the miracle for yourself!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 135
I guess I'm just so used to this being my life, however pathetic it it.
I know it's 110% up to me to change things. I'm going to do whatever it takes to not drink today. Or tomorrow ect.
The fear is just so strong, and i feel so bad in every way shape and form. I can't believe that will ever change.
Sometimes it feels like drinking and numbing out is more appealing than obsessing that I'm going to die soon. insane logic.
I know it's 110% up to me to change things. I'm going to do whatever it takes to not drink today. Or tomorrow ect.
The fear is just so strong, and i feel so bad in every way shape and form. I can't believe that will ever change.
Sometimes it feels like drinking and numbing out is more appealing than obsessing that I'm going to die soon. insane logic.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Engerland
Posts: 897
I have read your story.
And I can see that you are suffering along with your child.
What have you done by way of reaching out for support?
Have you tried:
Doctor, rehab, detox, AA, AVRT, Lifering, therapy, any of the other options available to us?
Please consider this......
You cannot do this alone. You need help and a plan of action. You need to carry out that plan. The best intentions alone will not sober you up.
Your life may depend on it.
My best to you.
G
And I can see that you are suffering along with your child.
What have you done by way of reaching out for support?
Have you tried:
Doctor, rehab, detox, AA, AVRT, Lifering, therapy, any of the other options available to us?
Please consider this......
You cannot do this alone. You need help and a plan of action. You need to carry out that plan. The best intentions alone will not sober you up.
Your life may depend on it.
My best to you.
G
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 135
Originally Posted by DoubleDragons 
It is truly amazing how strong and resilient the human mind, body and spirit is, once you start taking care of it. I drank regularly for 27 years. I quit drinking a little over a year ago and I have never felt healthier in my life, in all facets. Truly surrender to a new sober way of life and experience the miracle for yourself!!
The othe day i had a thought. My mom was 32 when i was born. Now I am 32. She drank until she died at age 61. She wasted my etire lifetime and then some as a slave to alcohol. God knows i don't want my son to go through what I went through.
AA member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: United Kingdom.
Posts: 3,007
Yes it gets better and that can start any time you want it to.
You must want to stay sober, more than you want to drink.The longer you drink the worse it will get.
It is difficult in the early days,but worth it.
My life was ruled by fear,over the years I have been sober it has lessened to the point where it is no longer a problem.In fact everything in my life has improved.It can for you as well.
Have you thought about getting face to face support?.
You must want to stay sober, more than you want to drink.The longer you drink the worse it will get.
It is difficult in the early days,but worth it.
My life was ruled by fear,over the years I have been sober it has lessened to the point where it is no longer a problem.In fact everything in my life has improved.It can for you as well.
Have you thought about getting face to face support?.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,357
Fear helped me get and stay quit. I was afraid of what would happen if I didn't quit more than worried about how life was going to be without it. It is very likely that you will experience a full recovery if you start now. I drank for about as long as you and went in and had blood work done a few months after I quit. It was all normal. My body healed quickly. It's the mental changes back to normal that have been rough. I am 14 years older than you so I am sure old lady hormones are thrown into that mix too.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I was a trainwreck when i quit at 33. depressed tho I didnt know it i just thought that was normal. I had anxiety panic i could barely get up the stairs i smoke dlike a chimney as well. I was over weight. I looked in the mirror and i'd see my alcoholic stepfather stareing back at me and that was a horrifying realization. I didnt know how to get out so I just ketp drinking and ignoreing the mess i'd become.
Eventually for me the panic attacks got so bad I new i had to try not drinking to see if that would help.
after i quit it stunk for a while. each day i'd say was a slight bit better but not really recognizable unless say i looked 5 or 10 days back to compare to my present day. I realized being sober was better tho the panic stopped pretty fast tho the anxiety was intense for a good while.
fast forward over 3 years later I'm lean i quit smoking I run daily i got my health back. I do battle some anxiety and depression now and then I have my ups and downs but i'm not in a pit anymore. When i drank i was in a pit and i just kept digging that pit deeper. Once i sobered up I was able to get out of it.
Dont think about the big task ahead of you. just think about being sober for 1 min 1 hour 1 day at a time. Ignore the rest of it it'll just bring you down. dont worry about yest dont worry about tommorrow. Dont worry that your mother drank or that your failing your child. the time for that is done. Just worry about not drinking right now in this moment the moments add up before you know it.
it gets better tho hang in there.
Eventually for me the panic attacks got so bad I new i had to try not drinking to see if that would help.
after i quit it stunk for a while. each day i'd say was a slight bit better but not really recognizable unless say i looked 5 or 10 days back to compare to my present day. I realized being sober was better tho the panic stopped pretty fast tho the anxiety was intense for a good while.
fast forward over 3 years later I'm lean i quit smoking I run daily i got my health back. I do battle some anxiety and depression now and then I have my ups and downs but i'm not in a pit anymore. When i drank i was in a pit and i just kept digging that pit deeper. Once i sobered up I was able to get out of it.
Dont think about the big task ahead of you. just think about being sober for 1 min 1 hour 1 day at a time. Ignore the rest of it it'll just bring you down. dont worry about yest dont worry about tommorrow. Dont worry that your mother drank or that your failing your child. the time for that is done. Just worry about not drinking right now in this moment the moments add up before you know it.
it gets better tho hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Dublin, Ireland.
Posts: 739
Delores, I read your story and you sound very, very frightened.
And quitting IS very frightening.
Withdrawals can be dangerous, so I think you should see a doctor who can help you through.
But many of us here used this site and the chatroom while going through the rough time and found it to be really helpful.
There is an amazing amount of support and advice here for you.
And I can only give you my experience, but things got better pretty quickly for me.
Afte a few horrible days, I felt a million times better.
I really wish you well, Delores.
And quitting IS very frightening.
Withdrawals can be dangerous, so I think you should see a doctor who can help you through.
But many of us here used this site and the chatroom while going through the rough time and found it to be really helpful.
There is an amazing amount of support and advice here for you.
And I can only give you my experience, but things got better pretty quickly for me.
Afte a few horrible days, I felt a million times better.
I really wish you well, Delores.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
Dolores, when I quit drinking for good life didn't turn into all peaches and cream, roses and sunshine but it sure is better without alcohol in the mix. For depression alcohol was like trying to put out a fire by dumping gasoline on it, It makes it much worse.
There are many things you can do to deal with depression, for many of us it's an ongoing process. Alcohol creates so much havoc with your brain chemistry that it makes it very hard to deal with much of anthing. It's like being stuck on a merry-go-round of despair that you think you can't get off of.
Once alcohol is out of the picture you can at least start dealing with all the other issues. Hang in there Dolores, it does get better once alcohol becomes just another page in the history books.
There are many things you can do to deal with depression, for many of us it's an ongoing process. Alcohol creates so much havoc with your brain chemistry that it makes it very hard to deal with much of anthing. It's like being stuck on a merry-go-round of despair that you think you can't get off of.
Once alcohol is out of the picture you can at least start dealing with all the other issues. Hang in there Dolores, it does get better once alcohol becomes just another page in the history books.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
Yes, it can get better but you've got to put in the effort to change. It won't happen by itself, you have to do the work.
Stay sober and your life can be what you want it to be.
Stay sober and your life can be what you want it to be.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Originally Posted by DoloresHaze
Sounds hopeful. I'm on year 12 of this garbage.
The othe day i had a thought. My mom was 32 when i was born. Now I am 32. She drank until she died at age 61. She wasted my etire lifetime and then some as a slave to alcohol. God knows i don't want my son to go through what I went through.
The othe day i had a thought. My mom was 32 when i was born. Now I am 32. She drank until she died at age 61. She wasted my etire lifetime and then some as a slave to alcohol. God knows i don't want my son to go through what I went through.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 135
Thank you, everyone.
I had a good cry, and read about 100 posts on here. I know it wasn't easy for any of you, but you got through it. I know I can too. And rationally I know I have to focus on one hour at a time. But at other times it seems like I'm standing on the banks of a bubbling lava river and i need to get to the other side. How the hell am I going to do this?
Where i am, it's 5:12 pm. i feel ok I guess. I've been camped out on the couch all day in a depressed stupor, but I'm going to join life now. My abdomen is sore and feels bloated. Slight headache. Very thirsty all day.
I'm thankful that i'm not shaking or hearing voices or vomiting like i've read about on here on others' Day 1. But hey! maybe all that delightful stuff is waiting for me tomorrow!
I had a good cry, and read about 100 posts on here. I know it wasn't easy for any of you, but you got through it. I know I can too. And rationally I know I have to focus on one hour at a time. But at other times it seems like I'm standing on the banks of a bubbling lava river and i need to get to the other side. How the hell am I going to do this?
Where i am, it's 5:12 pm. i feel ok I guess. I've been camped out on the couch all day in a depressed stupor, but I'm going to join life now. My abdomen is sore and feels bloated. Slight headache. Very thirsty all day.
I'm thankful that i'm not shaking or hearing voices or vomiting like i've read about on here on others' Day 1. But hey! maybe all that delightful stuff is waiting for me tomorrow!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Western NY
Posts: 125
Stay with us through these early days Dolores! I look forward to the positive and hopeful posts you'll soon be able to share if you stick around and don't drink. It's absolute truth what everyone says here. It gets better every day if you don't drink.
Earlyriser
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