Sick and tired of feeling sick and tire
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 3
Sick and tired of feeling sick and tire
Hi all. I've been looking at this forum religiously recently. First off I want to say how amazing and understanding you all are. I've not seen a single negative criticising post yet.
I'm Will and from the UK. I live alone but have a partner, no kids.
Secondly, I want to be honest and open and give you my story. Sorry in advanced about the long post.
I don't want this to be a sob story. There are people out there who have it a whole lot worse than me. I know that. Please remember that as you read. I know how fortunate I am.
I started drinking at 16 (I'm now 28) I loved how alcohol made me feel. I felt invincible although I quickly developed the habits that control me today. I was a party person. Last one standing always. I was a happy drunk and always the life and soul of the party. The funny guy. To this day I still am.
I've had a lot of family issues throughout my life. At 16 my mum was the victim of a drunk drugged driver and was permanently disabled as a result. She developed a drink problem. Today she is clinically depressed and can cope with very little stress other wise she breaks down. My father (divorced from my mum) was a successful man but each night would consume 2-3 bottles of wine a night. He died at 56 of a heart attack. I don't feel I have anyone to confide in. My friends are party animals too and wouldn't understand (but control their drinking) and my partner comes from a grounded successful family. I have broached my issues with her in the past but they have been dismissed.
As well as a social drinker I would often drink alone.
When my dad died I inherited some money. I got on the housing ladder and got the car I'd always wanted.
Nowadays I can easily consume a bottle of vodka in a night.
I have drunk driven, lied to family and loved ones to hide my drinking habits, drunk before work in the morning, had to trade in my dream car for a cheap banger to get money in the bank. Cheated on partners while drunk, put on weight. yet each day I make it in to work. I haven't had a sick day in 5 years. I spend more money outgoing than my income and my inheritance in dwindling each day.
My work is such that I am fearful of AA as if i am recognised I will be finished.
I have so much more to add but can't think at this time. All I know is that I'm drinking enough to kill myself eventually.
Thanks for reading.
I'm Will and from the UK. I live alone but have a partner, no kids.
Secondly, I want to be honest and open and give you my story. Sorry in advanced about the long post.
I don't want this to be a sob story. There are people out there who have it a whole lot worse than me. I know that. Please remember that as you read. I know how fortunate I am.
I started drinking at 16 (I'm now 28) I loved how alcohol made me feel. I felt invincible although I quickly developed the habits that control me today. I was a party person. Last one standing always. I was a happy drunk and always the life and soul of the party. The funny guy. To this day I still am.
I've had a lot of family issues throughout my life. At 16 my mum was the victim of a drunk drugged driver and was permanently disabled as a result. She developed a drink problem. Today she is clinically depressed and can cope with very little stress other wise she breaks down. My father (divorced from my mum) was a successful man but each night would consume 2-3 bottles of wine a night. He died at 56 of a heart attack. I don't feel I have anyone to confide in. My friends are party animals too and wouldn't understand (but control their drinking) and my partner comes from a grounded successful family. I have broached my issues with her in the past but they have been dismissed.
As well as a social drinker I would often drink alone.
When my dad died I inherited some money. I got on the housing ladder and got the car I'd always wanted.
Nowadays I can easily consume a bottle of vodka in a night.
I have drunk driven, lied to family and loved ones to hide my drinking habits, drunk before work in the morning, had to trade in my dream car for a cheap banger to get money in the bank. Cheated on partners while drunk, put on weight. yet each day I make it in to work. I haven't had a sick day in 5 years. I spend more money outgoing than my income and my inheritance in dwindling each day.
My work is such that I am fearful of AA as if i am recognised I will be finished.
I have so much more to add but can't think at this time. All I know is that I'm drinking enough to kill myself eventually.
Thanks for reading.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
Hi Will.
If you keep drinking the way you are you are going to have larger problems than work knowing about you going to AA. A bottle of vodka a day is going to destroy your health. Continue to drink drive and you just may kill someone. This problem seldom gets better on its own. What are you willing to try to get sober? Reading and posting here really helped me. So did Rational Recovery and SMART. You never have to drink again Will. You really don't.
If you keep drinking the way you are you are going to have larger problems than work knowing about you going to AA. A bottle of vodka a day is going to destroy your health. Continue to drink drive and you just may kill someone. This problem seldom gets better on its own. What are you willing to try to get sober? Reading and posting here really helped me. So did Rational Recovery and SMART. You never have to drink again Will. You really don't.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by Will145 
All I know is that I'm drinking enough to kill myself eventually.
In reality this is the problem. We all have spent endless hours analyzing how and why we drink but it really doesn't make a difference. We drink too much too often and it is no more complicated than this simple statement. Alcohol controls us we don't control it.
The thing that does require effort is what are we going to do about it. For me I used professional help and AA. I do not buy into your fear of AA because I know 3 MDs, 4 nurses, multiple people in senior management, a Priest, 2 Psychologists, 3 teachers, the list goes on and on. Likely people at work already know when you come to work reeking of alcohol from the night before. In my case the only person that did not know I was an alcoholic was me
The great news is there are multiple tools and tons of support here. Welcome again so read a lot and post often
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Will, I'm so glad you joined us. I was in sad shape when I found SR - my friends here helped me get my life back.
When I was 28 I refused to see what drinking was doing to me. I kept going for many more years - terrible things happened. Thankfully you are aware of what you need to do. You'll be saving yourself so much misery by stopping. We will help.
When I was 28 I refused to see what drinking was doing to me. I kept going for many more years - terrible things happened. Thankfully you are aware of what you need to do. You'll be saving yourself so much misery by stopping. We will help.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Hey Will,
I am just a few years ahead of you and was living a very similar life at 28. My tolerance kept increasing and a fifth of vodka kept looking smaller and smaller and emptying more and more quickly. As I sit here now I can clearly remember how I felt every morning of the week after most of a fifth. Life was a nightmare. I know how you're feeling man. It doesn't make any sense, does it? Why would we drink so much and feel like **** every day? It's no way to live.
That is enough to kill yourself for sure. I knew it at the time and it still took me a few years to stop. I stopped at 32 and trust me, it didn't get any better with time. Eventually I couldn't drink most of a fifth every night because my tolerance went down and I was too sick to stomach that quantity. The volume went down slowly but the hangovers kept getting worse and worse. You don't have to take this into your 30's.
I became all the cliches: sick and tired of being sick and tired, given the gift of desperation, more scared of continuing to drink than accepting a life without alcohol.
I'm about four months in and I can't even tell you how much better things get. I hope you stick around. Try and check in here everyday. I had a lot of time on my hands when I stopped drinking so it really helped to have an activity to fill my evenings.
I am just a few years ahead of you and was living a very similar life at 28. My tolerance kept increasing and a fifth of vodka kept looking smaller and smaller and emptying more and more quickly. As I sit here now I can clearly remember how I felt every morning of the week after most of a fifth. Life was a nightmare. I know how you're feeling man. It doesn't make any sense, does it? Why would we drink so much and feel like **** every day? It's no way to live.
That is enough to kill yourself for sure. I knew it at the time and it still took me a few years to stop. I stopped at 32 and trust me, it didn't get any better with time. Eventually I couldn't drink most of a fifth every night because my tolerance went down and I was too sick to stomach that quantity. The volume went down slowly but the hangovers kept getting worse and worse. You don't have to take this into your 30's.
I became all the cliches: sick and tired of being sick and tired, given the gift of desperation, more scared of continuing to drink than accepting a life without alcohol.
I'm about four months in and I can't even tell you how much better things get. I hope you stick around. Try and check in here everyday. I had a lot of time on my hands when I stopped drinking so it really helped to have an activity to fill my evenings.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
I was drinking like you are, most of a 750 ml bottle of vodka daily and that was every day and had done it for years. I was terrified to quit even though I knew how bad I was getting. That is the lie of alcohol. We drink to deal with anxiety and regret, and alcohol was responsible for the regrets, and it cranks up the anxiety too. And that calls for another drink.
You can quit drinking, you can decide to face this life without the lie of alcohol. As soon as you make that decision for real, deep in your heart, you will know it. A great weight will be lifted, and you will feel a wonderful feeling of relief. You don't have to do this anymore - the agony and misery are finally over.
AA is not the only tool to use to quit drinking, there are lots of others. A visit to your Dr. is an excellent place to start. It can be the first step in your plan to quit using alcohol.
You can quit this moment and have every next moment, every single one, to be free. You can have a fresh start just this way. I did, and I recommend it!
You can quit drinking, you can decide to face this life without the lie of alcohol. As soon as you make that decision for real, deep in your heart, you will know it. A great weight will be lifted, and you will feel a wonderful feeling of relief. You don't have to do this anymore - the agony and misery are finally over.
AA is not the only tool to use to quit drinking, there are lots of others. A visit to your Dr. is an excellent place to start. It can be the first step in your plan to quit using alcohol.
You can quit this moment and have every next moment, every single one, to be free. You can have a fresh start just this way. I did, and I recommend it!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 3
Thank you for the welcome guys. I went to my doctor today and disclosed my drinking. I also wanted to get a blood test to check my liver as I seem to get a sharp stitch like pain on my right side randomly. Tbh I knew the doctor was asking questions off a training sheet lol. I told him that I know I have a drink problem. Have I stopped yet? I'm ashamed to say I haven't. But there's an AA meeting near me tomorrow but far enough away from work so I'm going to nervously attend.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Will - if you see anyone at AA you know, are friends with, work with, whatever with, remember they are there for the same reason as you.
In my experience no-one who can drink normally gets the way we can drink.
I don't get the way way they drink either.
I couldn't have 'left over wine' in my fridge. There was never any left over!
I never had special, expensive bottles saved for a celebration. They were drunk on a monday evening after I had run out of whatever I had bought to drink that evening and the shop was shut.
I couldn't have 1 glass with dinner. In fact I would rather not have dinner, food ruined the buzz!
Thats were AA and here come in as life savers - literally.
Here and at AA, there are hundreds and thousands who drank like we do or did.
They understand, don't judge, are not shocked or mortified by whatever you have done or said. They are honest, open and want to help and possibly save you from hitting a rock bottom like they experienced.
I realised they did the same as me too. They too swore never again the next morning. Then they were contemplating buying a half or quarter bottle by lunch time. By tea time, i was half a bottle. By evening, sod it a large one.
They rotated shops too where they bought booze. Just like me.
They too switched from beer mid week and no spirits, to wine on a thursday, friday and saturday only and then no drinking mid week in a crazy effort to control it.
Some of the most switched on people I have ever met were at AA and are members here at SR.
It already sounds like drink is costing you more than money.
It sound like you feel guilty about drinking which is a hallmark of addiction - feeling guilty.
How much worse are you going to let it get?
If I were you?
Come here everyday.
Read all you can about addiction.
Read all the posts here about how much lower you can sink and that you could loose everything.
Maybe look into SMART as well. They have some meetings in the UK, although not as many as AA.
Go to a few different AA meetings and see if what they say is similar to how you drink. Don't disregard it straight away.
Its not easy at first.
If it was AA and SR would not exist.
But I can say in my experience, the more you work at it, the easier it gets.
I can say, hand on heart, I would never, ever go back to how I drank.
I'm glad I got it in my late 30's rather than wasting another 30 years drinking.
You are young and you can turn this around while you still have so much in your life - your health, your job, your relationship, your friends.
I really do wish you the best xx
In my experience no-one who can drink normally gets the way we can drink.
I don't get the way way they drink either.
I couldn't have 'left over wine' in my fridge. There was never any left over!
I never had special, expensive bottles saved for a celebration. They were drunk on a monday evening after I had run out of whatever I had bought to drink that evening and the shop was shut.
I couldn't have 1 glass with dinner. In fact I would rather not have dinner, food ruined the buzz!
Thats were AA and here come in as life savers - literally.
Here and at AA, there are hundreds and thousands who drank like we do or did.
They understand, don't judge, are not shocked or mortified by whatever you have done or said. They are honest, open and want to help and possibly save you from hitting a rock bottom like they experienced.
I realised they did the same as me too. They too swore never again the next morning. Then they were contemplating buying a half or quarter bottle by lunch time. By tea time, i was half a bottle. By evening, sod it a large one.
They rotated shops too where they bought booze. Just like me.
They too switched from beer mid week and no spirits, to wine on a thursday, friday and saturday only and then no drinking mid week in a crazy effort to control it.
Some of the most switched on people I have ever met were at AA and are members here at SR.
It already sounds like drink is costing you more than money.
It sound like you feel guilty about drinking which is a hallmark of addiction - feeling guilty.
How much worse are you going to let it get?
If I were you?
Come here everyday.
Read all you can about addiction.
Read all the posts here about how much lower you can sink and that you could loose everything.
Maybe look into SMART as well. They have some meetings in the UK, although not as many as AA.
Go to a few different AA meetings and see if what they say is similar to how you drink. Don't disregard it straight away.
Its not easy at first.
If it was AA and SR would not exist.
But I can say in my experience, the more you work at it, the easier it gets.
I can say, hand on heart, I would never, ever go back to how I drank.
I'm glad I got it in my late 30's rather than wasting another 30 years drinking.
You are young and you can turn this around while you still have so much in your life - your health, your job, your relationship, your friends.
I really do wish you the best xx
Will take it slow and believe in yourself...
torquemax777
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Montrose CO
Posts: 350
I used to attend meetings with my AH husband. The people who may or may not see you coming or going to an AA meeting, may well think you are attending in support of someone else. If they are there at the meeting, they are either alcoholics themselves, or are supporting someone who is, and will probably be supportive of you as well, and may even be relieved to know that they aren't alone; someone that they know it's struggling too. But I also agree with the poster who said there is a good chance your employer already knows or suspects it, or will definitely know in the future if you continue. Plus, some have been going to AA for years-doesn't mean they're employers need to worry much about that employee right now. It's a proud thing to be seeking help from a reputable source; not something to be ashamed of!
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