Inviting in my higher power
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Inviting in my higher power
This morning after everyone left for work and school, I ended up laying back down in bed. Laying there brought me back to the early days of my sobriety, when I spent all of my time that wasn't accounted for by my children or work, laying down.
It's a beautiful Fall day where I live. I batted around a few options for the day. I could clean up the mess that he left behind from the weekend, drink more coffee, take a walk, call my sponsor. I could tie up a few loose ends that I'm working on before my new job starts in a week. I thought of friends I could make plans with. But, like those early days of sobriety, I couldn't motivate myself to do anything. My sponsor recommends that I invite my higher power in when I'm confused, when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm feeling peaceful.
My concept of a higher power is still shaky. I had kind of a spiritual experience the last day I drank, and during recovery I have experienced a number of pleasant coincidences that I attribute to a higher power.
So I took my sponsor's advice, and invited my higher power to join me. I didn't ask the HP to help me, or direct me, or give me a sign, just sit in my funk with me. I realized that there was nothing I could do at that moment to relieve the depression I was feeling over what is, and that everything I have is right here. I can't change what is. This was an immense epiphany for me, a codependent anxiety ridden alcoholic, who has spent her entire life searching for the next thing that will bring relief, will make everything better.
I lay there realizing that absolutely nothing has to change for me to be joyous, happy and free. My husband doesn't need to stop drinking. My kids don't need to be in the gifted student program. My mother doesn't have to make good choices. My friends don't need to invite me to more parties. What an immense burden off my back to realize that I no longer need to search, scramble or yearn for anything. Everything I have is here. I can enjoy the wonderful things in my life. If I give my will over to my higher power, I can experience true serenity.
I got out of bed, put on my workout clothes, and went to the gym. I enjoyed the beautiful crisp Fall weather on the ride to the gym. Now I'm going to make a healthy lunch. And then after that I'll do the next right thing.
It's a beautiful Fall day where I live. I batted around a few options for the day. I could clean up the mess that he left behind from the weekend, drink more coffee, take a walk, call my sponsor. I could tie up a few loose ends that I'm working on before my new job starts in a week. I thought of friends I could make plans with. But, like those early days of sobriety, I couldn't motivate myself to do anything. My sponsor recommends that I invite my higher power in when I'm confused, when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm feeling peaceful.
My concept of a higher power is still shaky. I had kind of a spiritual experience the last day I drank, and during recovery I have experienced a number of pleasant coincidences that I attribute to a higher power.
So I took my sponsor's advice, and invited my higher power to join me. I didn't ask the HP to help me, or direct me, or give me a sign, just sit in my funk with me. I realized that there was nothing I could do at that moment to relieve the depression I was feeling over what is, and that everything I have is right here. I can't change what is. This was an immense epiphany for me, a codependent anxiety ridden alcoholic, who has spent her entire life searching for the next thing that will bring relief, will make everything better.
I lay there realizing that absolutely nothing has to change for me to be joyous, happy and free. My husband doesn't need to stop drinking. My kids don't need to be in the gifted student program. My mother doesn't have to make good choices. My friends don't need to invite me to more parties. What an immense burden off my back to realize that I no longer need to search, scramble or yearn for anything. Everything I have is here. I can enjoy the wonderful things in my life. If I give my will over to my higher power, I can experience true serenity.
I got out of bed, put on my workout clothes, and went to the gym. I enjoyed the beautiful crisp Fall weather on the ride to the gym. Now I'm going to make a healthy lunch. And then after that I'll do the next right thing.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,179
Great post, Glee. Another day just without drinking is a day that in many ways pulled me closer to that next drink...even if it took years to pick it up. Opening my heart and mind to a HP, whatever it is, allows for a new and much better life.
So happy to be on this sober journey with you as a friend! Thanks for the peek into your program of recovery!
So happy to be on this sober journey with you as a friend! Thanks for the peek into your program of recovery!
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