would drink now, just too much recovery for me at this point..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: florida
Posts: 207
would drink now, just too much recovery for me at this point..
Hello.. I would love to drink right now.. sobriety is a boring and lonely existence.. this just sucks. complete lack of spirituality at times, this is one of those times.. I honestly don't have the energy to go back out and start over. If I were to drink , the same issues that bother me would still be here when I stopped drinking. I guess I am just venting. I don't know what's wrong with me. I have almost 17 months sober or something like that. On the 7th step. still - as some of you know, I had sponsor issues and had to get a new one.. just not feeling it.. the aloneness, and I sound like a true wimp here, is just unbearable.. at least drunk, I know I can probably pick someone up and just get lucky.. i've made friends in the AA meetings and it's good and all.. just, i'm sorry, about women again.. alot easier to pick them up when I was drinking.. dating sites, no luck either..feel like a real loser.. sorry, this makes no sense...no one understands..
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
Hi Pete
If I believed that drinking would be a better existence for me, I may as well walk out into the traffic right now.
I don't know what it will take for you to find happiness but I do believe there is happiness out there for you, you deserve it
I also believe, very strongly, you have every chance of finding out if you stay sober...and none at all if ypu drink again.
D
If I believed that drinking would be a better existence for me, I may as well walk out into the traffic right now.
I don't know what it will take for you to find happiness but I do believe there is happiness out there for you, you deserve it
I also believe, very strongly, you have every chance of finding out if you stay sober...and none at all if ypu drink again.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: florida
Posts: 207
thanks man.. the ironic part is I am a musician as well, p/t I just started playing in a band again. just had our first gig.. so, maybe meet more persons shortly.. I play drums and guitar..It's like I am doing all the right things to set a good sober life, yet the frustration is unbearable..
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,474
James Hetfield
I'm a Geezer p/t Bass Player and Sound Engineer who sobered up. I saw a few Folks not make it around Boulder Colorado. I have had the pleasure of seeing many make it Sober while staying on the path you're making laudable progress on.
My Life situation is very different from your's in some aspects. However, I went looking for this Person's Testimonial below; thinking it might help you somehow. Personally, I think that Metallica's 'Sandman' Riff is one of the best Metal Riffs ever laid down. Amazing Audio Production.
A quick Google Search led me - ta da - right back here to my primary Recovery Resource: SR.
Live to play.
James Hetfield Interview
-----
My Life situation is very different from your's in some aspects. However, I went looking for this Person's Testimonial below; thinking it might help you somehow. Personally, I think that Metallica's 'Sandman' Riff is one of the best Metal Riffs ever laid down. Amazing Audio Production.
A quick Google Search led me - ta da - right back here to my primary Recovery Resource: SR.
Live to play.
James Hetfield Interview
-----
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 158
Hang in there, Pete. You reminded me of my first couple of years in recovery. Kind of lonely and bleak. I never wanted to drink but did not feel happy, certainly not joyous and free. Things eventually got better and I am still enjoying quite an adventure of life - sober.
Things will get better for you, Pete. Count on it.
Things will get better for you, Pete. Count on it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Engerland
Posts: 897
I beg to differ.
This is one website where you will find people who completely understand.
Willing to bet that whatever state of mind we are in, ranging from suicidal to euphoric, somebody here, member,guest or lurker, totally gets it on any given day.
It is one reason that i bring my roller-coaster self here every single day.
Maybe not to post.
Always to find comfort and sometimes joy in fellowship.
Persevere Petewill.
G
This is one website where you will find people who completely understand.
Willing to bet that whatever state of mind we are in, ranging from suicidal to euphoric, somebody here, member,guest or lurker, totally gets it on any given day.
It is one reason that i bring my roller-coaster self here every single day.
Maybe not to post.
Always to find comfort and sometimes joy in fellowship.
Persevere Petewill.
G
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
The most important thing for me
to do do in recovery/sobriety was
to not drink, no matter what. That
was the easy thing to do. As long
as alcohol was not in my reach
then there was no way I could drink
it.
However, it was all the other stuff
I had to work thru in life each day.
All those lessons, steps, living on
lifes terms, acceptance, forgiveness,
gratefulness, tolerance and so on.
For me, another thing I had to hold
on thru out my recovery was and still
is is hope. Hope that as long as I continue
on my recovery journey, my path, then
I will continue receiving the gifts of the
Promises as stated in the BB of AA.
For me, thru out my journey, I continued
to turn my will and life over to a Power
greater than I. A Power or God of my
understanding that was taught to me
and brought up on. As long as I continue
on my recovery journey remaining willing,
openminded and honest in all my affairs
then I will be taken care of in all areas
of my life.
I also had to learn that things I want or
need will never happen in my time. That
I will receive what is best for me in His
time. In my HP's time. In doing so, this
takes the worry or burdens off my shoulders
so I can be receive the gifts accordingly.
So far my life seems to be just as it is
suppose to be as long as I remain sober.
Find your path in life following thru
with your program of recovery and
the gifts of the Promises will come true.
to do do in recovery/sobriety was
to not drink, no matter what. That
was the easy thing to do. As long
as alcohol was not in my reach
then there was no way I could drink
it.
However, it was all the other stuff
I had to work thru in life each day.
All those lessons, steps, living on
lifes terms, acceptance, forgiveness,
gratefulness, tolerance and so on.
For me, another thing I had to hold
on thru out my recovery was and still
is is hope. Hope that as long as I continue
on my recovery journey, my path, then
I will continue receiving the gifts of the
Promises as stated in the BB of AA.
For me, thru out my journey, I continued
to turn my will and life over to a Power
greater than I. A Power or God of my
understanding that was taught to me
and brought up on. As long as I continue
on my recovery journey remaining willing,
openminded and honest in all my affairs
then I will be taken care of in all areas
of my life.
I also had to learn that things I want or
need will never happen in my time. That
I will receive what is best for me in His
time. In my HP's time. In doing so, this
takes the worry or burdens off my shoulders
so I can be receive the gifts accordingly.
So far my life seems to be just as it is
suppose to be as long as I remain sober.
Find your path in life following thru
with your program of recovery and
the gifts of the Promises will come true.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
Last nights discussion meetings topic was what we were grateful for. For years that was a popular topic then it slid away like some others.
The first person to responded with “when I wake in the AM I’m grateful to be able to see.” That set a good positive motion to the discussion. I’ve been sober for a good # of years but being human I take too much for granted and expect my good life to continue. Bad thinking on my part.
Right now I’m grateful I’m not looking up at the grass roots yet.
BE WELL
Last nights discussion meetings topic was what we were grateful for. For years that was a popular topic then it slid away like some others.
The first person to responded with “when I wake in the AM I’m grateful to be able to see.” That set a good positive motion to the discussion. I’ve been sober for a good # of years but being human I take too much for granted and expect my good life to continue. Bad thinking on my part.
Right now I’m grateful I’m not looking up at the grass roots yet.
BE WELL
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by IOAA2 
...but being human I...expect my good life to continue.
Of course, in the extreme, this kind of "thinking" can become delusional and sometimes dangerous. A neurotic need to be "okay" all the time can separate us from our truer selves and inhibit both personal growth and render any hope to discover meaning in our lives futile.
Chronically (and sometimes consciously and methodically) avoiding our reality, as many of us do while we're drinking (and that some of us continue to do long after we put down the drink), makes such a process impossible. Being "awake" to life offers many opportunities for suffering, but the benefits of doing so are sublime, and are generally not available anywhere else in our lives or in our being in quite the same way.
The loss of love is only painful in the extreme to those who've lived an accomplished life (such as raising a child, helping others through their suffering, risking genuine connections with other people, contributing to their personal and/or larger communities in their lives), who've brought true meaning into their lives, and who've embraced the demands of living.
Heroism is generally not about grand gestures, but about quietly reducing suffering and improving the quality of life, for ourselves and for other people.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
i felt this way. damned if you do damned if you dont. I've gone through phases where I feel whats the point my life now is crappy my life then is crappy whats the difference etc..
But the difference is a lot. and I know i'm better off not drinking etc.. I felt like going forward in sobriety was pointless But i new going back to being a drunk was pointless too! its a tough rut to get into but it does get better it does ease up.
But the difference is a lot. and I know i'm better off not drinking etc.. I felt like going forward in sobriety was pointless But i new going back to being a drunk was pointless too! its a tough rut to get into but it does get better it does ease up.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
Originally Posted by EndGameNYC
I'm not certain that this is "bad thinking" or only "bad thinking." There is also, I believe, a healthy sense that "I will be okay," whatever else happens in my life. Such a state often is the product of hard emotional work and which is typically the result of deriving meaning from our suffering, a fluid process that requires both focus and the occasional break from the pain of living.
Of course, in the extreme, this kind of "thinking" can become delusional and sometimes dangerous. A neurotic need to be "okay" all the time can separate us from our truer selves and inhibit both personal growth and render any hope to discover meaning in our lives futile.
Chronically (and sometimes consciously and methodically) avoiding our reality, as many of us do while we're drinking (and that some of us continue to do long after we put down the drink), makes such a process impossible. Being "awake" to life offers many opportunities for suffering, but the benefits of doing so are sublime, and are generally not available anywhere else in our lives or in our being in quite the same way.
The loss of love is only painful in the extreme to those who've lived an accomplished life (such as raising a child, helping others through their suffering, risking genuine connections with other people, contributing to their personal and/or larger communities in their lives), who've brought true meaning into their lives, and who've embraced the demands of living.
Heroism is generally not about grand gestures, but about quietly reducing suffering and improving the quality of life, for ourselves and for other people.
Of course, in the extreme, this kind of "thinking" can become delusional and sometimes dangerous. A neurotic need to be "okay" all the time can separate us from our truer selves and inhibit both personal growth and render any hope to discover meaning in our lives futile.
Chronically (and sometimes consciously and methodically) avoiding our reality, as many of us do while we're drinking (and that some of us continue to do long after we put down the drink), makes such a process impossible. Being "awake" to life offers many opportunities for suffering, but the benefits of doing so are sublime, and are generally not available anywhere else in our lives or in our being in quite the same way.
The loss of love is only painful in the extreme to those who've lived an accomplished life (such as raising a child, helping others through their suffering, risking genuine connections with other people, contributing to their personal and/or larger communities in their lives), who've brought true meaning into their lives, and who've embraced the demands of living.
Heroism is generally not about grand gestures, but about quietly reducing suffering and improving the quality of life, for ourselves and for other people.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
Hi Pete, thanks for this post. I think a lot of us can relate pretty deeply to what you've written here. I am close to you in terms of length of sobriety and I also get moments where I don't want to drink but I also get a good case of the "f*** its." Like the only damn thing I am doing right is not drinking while the rest is just crap.
But what Sharon said is true. When I actually decide to investigate why I am feeling this way, it is usually because I am wanting or needing something and impatient that it hasn't arrived yet...or has arrived but not in the form I necessarily wanted. Like many of us, I am a bit of a control freak/impatient and want to make my will everyone else's will too. I have to jump on in there no matter what. And, as Sharon rightly says, it usually NEVER works out the right way when I do that. Forcing never, ever works. A huge part of recovery is hope. The other huge part is trust. Those are two biggies that us alcoholics and addicts are not at all comfortable with. But the longer I stay sober, and the more I just surrender to whatever moment I am in (even the shi**y ones), the better it gets and the quicker those feelings and moods pass. EndGame points out something good there, when you are really "awake" you are surrendering to reality. In all its beauty and all its messiness. But that's the only place it's at, really. If you're uncomfortable, you're trying to fight what IS. Which never, ever works. Unfortunately, sometimes.
As far as relationships and not meeting women, dude...trust me, work on yourself first. If you are lonely in your own company, you are not going to be good company to someone else. I know that all sounds like a bunch of New Agey fluff but it's true. And picking people up when you're drunk? I don't know about you but, yeah, OK, maybe it was easy. But it was also HOLLOW. That same hollow that eventually made me feel like I was dead inside. Don't invite that feeling back...work on getting rid of it inside yourself first, that's the best plan.
Trust me, none of it is easy but it's a hell of a lot better than being drunk. Hang in there, surrender to the crappy moods and emotions, and just let it be. I'd bet you'll be amazed at the good stuff that turns up when you're not looking
But what Sharon said is true. When I actually decide to investigate why I am feeling this way, it is usually because I am wanting or needing something and impatient that it hasn't arrived yet...or has arrived but not in the form I necessarily wanted. Like many of us, I am a bit of a control freak/impatient and want to make my will everyone else's will too. I have to jump on in there no matter what. And, as Sharon rightly says, it usually NEVER works out the right way when I do that. Forcing never, ever works. A huge part of recovery is hope. The other huge part is trust. Those are two biggies that us alcoholics and addicts are not at all comfortable with. But the longer I stay sober, and the more I just surrender to whatever moment I am in (even the shi**y ones), the better it gets and the quicker those feelings and moods pass. EndGame points out something good there, when you are really "awake" you are surrendering to reality. In all its beauty and all its messiness. But that's the only place it's at, really. If you're uncomfortable, you're trying to fight what IS. Which never, ever works. Unfortunately, sometimes.
As far as relationships and not meeting women, dude...trust me, work on yourself first. If you are lonely in your own company, you are not going to be good company to someone else. I know that all sounds like a bunch of New Agey fluff but it's true. And picking people up when you're drunk? I don't know about you but, yeah, OK, maybe it was easy. But it was also HOLLOW. That same hollow that eventually made me feel like I was dead inside. Don't invite that feeling back...work on getting rid of it inside yourself first, that's the best plan.
Trust me, none of it is easy but it's a hell of a lot better than being drunk. Hang in there, surrender to the crappy moods and emotions, and just let it be. I'd bet you'll be amazed at the good stuff that turns up when you're not looking
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Originally Posted by Petewill
this whole recovery thing is such a slow process.. ughh..
Sobriety just takes more time!!
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by Petewill
thanks guys.. and girls.. RumHound.. that sounds pretty bleak.. lol. but anyway, this whole recovery thing is such a slow process.. ughh..
Step 5 had such an effect on me that I had no problem pressing on through the remaining steps. It was at step nine that things really changed. It took me about 90 days to get to that point, fast by today's standards but probably not as fast as the book seems to suggest.
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