RecklessEric

I'll make a lighthearted point and then my real point.
1. Pearl Jam ain't what they used to be. It's no big miss.
2. What you did is shameful. We all know that shame. But the important thing is to use it to your benefit.
The horrible feelings we have over the things we did that hurt our loved ones are useful only when we hold them up as a reminder of why we shouldn't drink. We need to remember those horrible feelings as our inspiration not to go there again. But if you just use those feelings as a stick to beat yourself with, it's of no benefit.
We must learn and move on.
The good news is, this is not the end of the world. Just a new beginning. Good luck with it.

freshstart57

The findings of that article agree with my appreciation and understanding. Take an alcoholic's relapse and the shame and guilt that go along with personal failure to achieve a goal, and now add a reputed constitutional dishonesty, or maybe even grave emotional disorder. It is a self fulfilling prophecy and positive feedback loop of the worst kind, with disastrous and even fatal outcomes.

I don't think we need these experiences to remind ourselves not to drink. A shift in perception can be made to view drinking as a moral choice without maintaining a psychological contact with our miserable past. I will never drink again because to do so would be immoral, as murder is immoral.

Elaine, you can close the door on this episode by opening another door. Make this right by never drinking again. You are a good person who deserves a life without this misery in it, and you can have it. Are you ready to make your plan about continuing to use alcohol?

huntingtontx

Hi Elaine, you have been given some great suggestions. Welcome to SR and remember, you are not on this journey alone. We are all walking with you. Don't take the first drink no matter what. One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. It does get easier. One of the things that helped me through the early months was to know that a craving does not last long. It is usually gone in a few minutes, so when you want a drink do something else. It will pass. Also, peanut butter and ice cream. I never wanted a drink after I ate those. I don't know if it will work for anyone else, but it worked for me. Glad to meet you and remember, we are all here for you.

Jupiters

welcome Elaine
I know how you are feeling right now all too well. So many special occasions I have totally ruined with my drinking. Things got pretty bad. BUT they can get better, I promise.
You sound clearly remorseful and want to take steps to get help, that's a great start.
I ruined Valentines Day in Niagara Falls by completely blacking out. I don't even recall the weekend. Mothers Day weekend, I had my last binge and got a 2nd DUI in my BF's car, oh that was a gongshow.
That was 5 months ago tomorrow
stick around, post, read...it gets better. One day at a time.

SoberLeigh

Good morning, Elaine.

Ellay

Big Hugs to you, Elaine. Been there, done that. You can do this! Imagine how proud you will feel, not to mention how your husband and son will be when they see you are there for them 100% from now on.

elaine45

Well I must've fallen down a few too many times. I feel like a train wreck. I am just so tired. Yep going on hangover day 2. That's how much I drink. It takes days to re cooperate. I feel worse today....yesterday I was still drunk. Hello real world. I'm back.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!! You can turn this around and don't have to go back to this place!!

Hevyn

Hope you're feeling more hopeful today Elaine.

try2change

How are things going Elaine?

Stang

Been there done that! Forgive yourself and realize you never have to feel that way again.

waynetheking

I went thru a bunch of that elaine. Never stopped me tho. This disease has multiple downfalls to it. Don't kick yourself. Just don't drink then you'll never have to be that way again.

AlexThedude

Yes, I've been sober from alcohol for 2.5 months, and already, I'm seeing how horrifically damaging it was to my life... Especially in regards to the type of people I let into my life, but towards the end, how I acted, as you said, possessed, once approximately 2.5 bottles of whine had entered my bloodstream, or rum, or whatever. I honestly don't have any advice other than realizing the damaging things it's done, and focusing on the positive aspects of not drinking, like being able to go places, and in my case eat, and be able to read a book and do homework, or whatever you like to do.

desypete

hi Elaine
thanks for you post, its posts like yours that helps keep me sober as you take me back to when i was drinking and behaving just like you did
sadly for me i did end up getting locked up in the police cells more than once and even ended up getting sent to prison a few times for my drunken behavious

i had the shame of my name going into the local paper, everyone knowing what i had done it was so dam scarry it was like someone else taken over my body when i got drunk and then when i sobered up i had to face the punishment and always did

dont you think anyone with half a brain would say to themselves hey you know you become a mad man when your drunk so just stop drinking ?

it really isnt that easy as the madness of it all was, i just wanted to drink normaly like everyone else, i certainly didnt want to make a fool of myself or hurt anyone yet when i drank you can bet that i would do something wrong

i can remember being in prison and scared of the hard men in the prison believe me they dont have manners or treat anyone with much respect inside
i kept trying to tell people i dont belong in prison as i am no criminal, i can remember all the days in there wishing with all my heart
IF ONLY I DIDNT DRINK THAT NIGHT !!!!!

funny thing is when i came out of prison and i had swore off the drink as i will never do it again !!!! i had learned my lesson and drink was a no no

i got released from prison and thought to myself well one drink to celebrate my freedom will not hurt me and i can give up tomorrow

i broke all my kids hearts when i finaly arrived home to a welcome home party my kids had done for there daddy to come home to
they had hoped for a sober dad to come back to them and i turned up rotten drunk

i can remember my daughter crying and i would be trying to convince her its all ok dad has only had a drink for being released and i will stop drinking tomorrow etc

on and on this behavior would go on, until i finaly lost them all, my ex wife gone, my kids gone, my business gone, all my money gone, all that was left for me was drinking morning noon and night funny how no matter how poor i got i always found a drink, i sold everything i had to get money for the drink

it really is just a one way ticket down, thankfully that was over 10 years ago since my last drink, my life is turned around and i have all my kids back in my life and been a single parent dad for the last 9 years
it really has been a huge change around for me, thanks to the people in aa who helped me
my only danger now a days is that i might forget just what damage a drink can do to me, then i read a post like yours or i see it in the aa meetings or i see people getting sent down to prison etc and it sure does show me where i have come from and were i dont ever want to go back to again

mercurial me

I'll be you didn't drink as much wine as Eddie usually does on stage! But seriously, you sound like a good person so don't beat yourself up too badly. Lord knows you weren't the first person to get ripped at a rock show & you've acknowledged you've got a problem so that's light years ahead of many