Five months strong yet alone
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 10
Five months strong yet alone
Yesterday was five months sober for me.
I've lurked but haven't put my story out here. Short version: using since 15. Got hooked on opiates after surgeries late 90's but kicked it eight years ago. Drinking increased to make up for it. My mother passed one year ago this coming Sunday, essentially from overdosing on pills. After she died last year I started drinking at work which led to me losing my job.
I went to a 45 day in patient program. Loved it. Reaffirmed my natural ability to help other people and found my own reserves of strength.
Moved back to my hometown to be around family. I joined an online IOP program that does teleconferencing. My heart was happy, my head was clear and all was well.
All of a sudden the online IOP goes south. The psychologist who moderates pulled a couple of rather unethical moves and I lose trust -no longer attending.
My dog peed in my Dad's house once because no one would let her out even though she asked, and now she either has to go outside when no one is home or I need to take her everywhere. She's an inside dog and its not feasible to take her everywhere.
Then my brother decides I can't be at his house without him or his wife despite the fact we were all roommates for years and I usually cook or clean for them. I have to get a break from Dad once in a while -super religious.
My sober friends lean on me because I'm the strong one. My family seems to think I'm strong enough to handle whatever the **** they are having issues with. The 3d friends who were going to be here for me...we'll they aren't. My unemployment is gone. I am getting two good job offers next week but I am broke and at least six weeks from getting my own place again.
I AM strong, I LOVE being strong. I love being sober. I don't crave. I'm growing as a person. But I need support too. I ask for it and I get token "how are you"'s but then it is about them again.
I've joined a couple of Sober Meetups, and WFS. AA is not an option for me for my own personal reasons. I'm looking for a new shrink but having a hard time with getting a good fit. I read forums. I browse books.
And I miss my mom.
I'm five months clean!
I just needed to vent. Thanks for reading.
I've lurked but haven't put my story out here. Short version: using since 15. Got hooked on opiates after surgeries late 90's but kicked it eight years ago. Drinking increased to make up for it. My mother passed one year ago this coming Sunday, essentially from overdosing on pills. After she died last year I started drinking at work which led to me losing my job.
I went to a 45 day in patient program. Loved it. Reaffirmed my natural ability to help other people and found my own reserves of strength.
Moved back to my hometown to be around family. I joined an online IOP program that does teleconferencing. My heart was happy, my head was clear and all was well.
All of a sudden the online IOP goes south. The psychologist who moderates pulled a couple of rather unethical moves and I lose trust -no longer attending.
My dog peed in my Dad's house once because no one would let her out even though she asked, and now she either has to go outside when no one is home or I need to take her everywhere. She's an inside dog and its not feasible to take her everywhere.
Then my brother decides I can't be at his house without him or his wife despite the fact we were all roommates for years and I usually cook or clean for them. I have to get a break from Dad once in a while -super religious.
My sober friends lean on me because I'm the strong one. My family seems to think I'm strong enough to handle whatever the **** they are having issues with. The 3d friends who were going to be here for me...we'll they aren't. My unemployment is gone. I am getting two good job offers next week but I am broke and at least six weeks from getting my own place again.
I AM strong, I LOVE being strong. I love being sober. I don't crave. I'm growing as a person. But I need support too. I ask for it and I get token "how are you"'s but then it is about them again.
I've joined a couple of Sober Meetups, and WFS. AA is not an option for me for my own personal reasons. I'm looking for a new shrink but having a hard time with getting a good fit. I read forums. I browse books.
And I miss my mom.
I'm five months clean!
I just needed to vent. Thanks for reading.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
I hope you can find a place of your own really soon JaeRae - sounds like you've more than earned it.
Welcome back to the posting side of things too - feel free to post more...you'll find a lot of support here - and congratulations on 5 months
D
Welcome back to the posting side of things too - feel free to post more...you'll find a lot of support here - and congratulations on 5 months
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Northern NJ
Posts: 174
Great job on 5 months! The job thing sucks, what i did and its easy to do if you have the time and as little as $100, is sell on ebay. If you have to sell off some of your stuff to get some capital and use that money to buy things at garage sales that you can resell for a profit. Its a learning process to figure out what sells well but its well worth it. I regularly take in $3000 a month. $1000 is easily doable if you are diligent with it. It can be a full time job which is good because it will keep you super busy. I have a full time job now but are going to go full time with the business in a few months because its doing so well. The key to it is hitting as many sales on fridays and saturdays as you can go to, its a numbers game. Get up early and be at them by 7-8 when all the good stuff is still there. When you have more money you can also put in ad in the paper: wanting to buy collectible antiques etc. You can visit this site for info on what is selling and what to look for. Garage Sale Finds! If you have any questions about how to get started just shoot me a PM id be glad to help you. Keep up the good work!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
congrats on the sober time and being the strong one. its lonely at the top (Ie if others are leaning on you and you got no one to lean on).
I can relate to the alone thing. I have a wife and 6 kids and extended family and i feel very very much alone a lot. Why? becuase no one wants to hear me ramble about stuff i dont even wanna hear me ramble about stuff. At the end of the day NO ONE i mean NO ONE can do stuff for me. I have to do things myself. No one can not drink for me. No one can go for my run for me. No one can eat for me. No one can jump in my head and make me feel happy again. Everyones words tho can be helpful why I post here but in my immediate circle I think people are tired of me.
I guess its when you realize your responsable for you. No one else is and yeah that can seem kinda lonely.
I wanna be a kid again where mom and dad did everything hahaha no wait my childhood stunk nevermind. Maybe i can come back as a rooster on a nice big farm with lots of hens? ::slap::
I can relate to the alone thing. I have a wife and 6 kids and extended family and i feel very very much alone a lot. Why? becuase no one wants to hear me ramble about stuff i dont even wanna hear me ramble about stuff. At the end of the day NO ONE i mean NO ONE can do stuff for me. I have to do things myself. No one can not drink for me. No one can go for my run for me. No one can eat for me. No one can jump in my head and make me feel happy again. Everyones words tho can be helpful why I post here but in my immediate circle I think people are tired of me.
I guess its when you realize your responsable for you. No one else is and yeah that can seem kinda lonely.
I wanna be a kid again where mom and dad did everything hahaha no wait my childhood stunk nevermind. Maybe i can come back as a rooster on a nice big farm with lots of hens? ::slap::
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,872
Great job on 5 months, JaeRae, and welcome to the posting side of SR. You have had a rough time of it lately; hope things improve soon and that one of those job possibilities materialize for you.
I have found that the SR folks really do listen and care. Glad you decided to jump in.
I have found that the SR folks really do listen and care. Glad you decided to jump in.
Happy, joyous, and free
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: FL
Posts: 113
Congratulations on five months. That's wonderful! I hope all good things for you. Fantastic that you will be getting job offers next week.
The friends thing is a hard one. Unfortunately, many people are self-centered. It sucks. You sound like a wonderful person, and I hope that your higher power brings some equally wonderful people into your life very soon.
The friends thing is a hard one. Unfortunately, many people are self-centered. It sucks. You sound like a wonderful person, and I hope that your higher power brings some equally wonderful people into your life very soon.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 10
I know that part of this is the anniversary this weekend. I also am trying to give my brother a pass as he is dealing with it too.
I think I have a different idea of family that I thought we all shared. But having expectations is never a good idea.
This too shall pass.
Thanks for the support.
I think I have a different idea of family that I thought we all shared. But having expectations is never a good idea.
This too shall pass.
Thanks for the support.
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