Went to my first AA meeting
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 224
Went to my first AA meeting
I went to my first AA meeting today. The guilt of what I did while drinking on Sunday is unbearable. They were discussing the 10th step, about owning up to mistakes and actions. I have no problem admitting what I did was terrible. My problem is actually deciding that I am an alcoholic. I don't want to lie to myself and I am just so confused by what it all means.
The times that alcohol has had a negative impact centers on one situation- the end of my Codependent relationships with my exes, who have all had some type of addiction. I don't have urges to drink really, but if things are bad and I am in the cycle of trying to save an obviously unhealthy relationship with someone who is unemotionally available, at those moments, I have drank too much and said something bad (sometimes)...but this past time, my actions were much much worse. But as I type this, it seems like I probably do fit my own definition of an alcoholic.
One thing is for sure, by acting out in a horrible way, no matter what my ex did, I ensure that I will emotionally take the blame for the end and then I can live in remorse and self hate for my actions and what I lost because of my choices. It is very, very sick. I would love to find a counselor as well, but I don't have insurance that covers that and money is tight. This is a really hard day...day two of "what I did on Sunday"...whatever the truth, I just never want to repeat what I have done. I am so ashamed.
The times that alcohol has had a negative impact centers on one situation- the end of my Codependent relationships with my exes, who have all had some type of addiction. I don't have urges to drink really, but if things are bad and I am in the cycle of trying to save an obviously unhealthy relationship with someone who is unemotionally available, at those moments, I have drank too much and said something bad (sometimes)...but this past time, my actions were much much worse. But as I type this, it seems like I probably do fit my own definition of an alcoholic.
One thing is for sure, by acting out in a horrible way, no matter what my ex did, I ensure that I will emotionally take the blame for the end and then I can live in remorse and self hate for my actions and what I lost because of my choices. It is very, very sick. I would love to find a counselor as well, but I don't have insurance that covers that and money is tight. This is a really hard day...day two of "what I did on Sunday"...whatever the truth, I just never want to repeat what I have done. I am so ashamed.
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 812
According to AA literature, an alcoholic is distinguished by the "phenomena of craving."
This does not mean you crave a drink when you haven't had one -- it's when you crave the next drink and the next one. Having a drink causes you to develop a craving for another drink. This makes it very difficult to stop after you start.
Here are a few quotes that may help you understand, but I encourage you to get an AA book and read the Dr's Opinion--it is not an actual chapter, but a preface...
and
Hope that helps!
This does not mean you crave a drink when you haven't had one -- it's when you crave the next drink and the next one. Having a drink causes you to develop a craving for another drink. This makes it very difficult to stop after you start.
Here are a few quotes that may help you understand, but I encourage you to get an AA book and read the Dr's Opinion--it is not an actual chapter, but a preface...
Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks--drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.
All these, and many others, have one symptom in common: they cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving. This phenomenon, as we have suggested, may be the manifestation of an allergy which differentiates these people, and sets them apart as a distinct entity.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: iraq
Posts: 2
This does not mean you crave a drink when you haven't had one -- it's when you crave the next drink and the next one. Having a drink causes you to develop a craving for another drink. This makes it very difficult to stop after you start.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Love your handle, so true.
Keep going to meetings and just listen for awhile. Look for similarities and not differences in people. There are many reasons not to go, but one really good one to keep coming back.....your worth it!!
I find some AA speakers on youtube very helpful coupled with a message delivered with humor. One classic guy in Earl H - maybe listen to one of his.....
Earl H. - AA Speaker - "The Path to Freedom" - YouTube
peace
Keep going to meetings and just listen for awhile. Look for similarities and not differences in people. There are many reasons not to go, but one really good one to keep coming back.....your worth it!!
I find some AA speakers on youtube very helpful coupled with a message delivered with humor. One classic guy in Earl H - maybe listen to one of his.....
Earl H. - AA Speaker - "The Path to Freedom" - YouTube
peace
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