Not being able to handle the load we once could
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Not being able to handle the load we once could
How common is it that people sober up and realize they cant handle what they once could. Or maybe can handle more but things have changed.
For example I've found that I cant tackle things I used to be able to. I cant handle the stress load I once could. This felt debilitating at first like there was something wrong with me lke i was cribble disabled or broken. But then I came to accept it and I realized that it just is what it is. I became happy with the new me and realized i needed boundaries and balance to keep me in check boundaries and balance that continually needs to be monitored and kept in order. So while I cannot handle the stresses I once could I have more peace and I'm handling other things in life that I never did much better IE spending time with the kids or wtvr.
I wonder how common this is. I mean how many are able to just get back into the saddle again and take on the world like they once did and how many realize they where trying to shoulder too big of a load or something?
I've had to accept it takes all kinds in this world and while I might not be the kind I was or I thought I wanted to be I am me and I'm a decent person even tho I'm not superman or a superstar I somehow always felt like I had to kill myself all the time i've since backed off the throttle in that regard.
For example I've found that I cant tackle things I used to be able to. I cant handle the stress load I once could. This felt debilitating at first like there was something wrong with me lke i was cribble disabled or broken. But then I came to accept it and I realized that it just is what it is. I became happy with the new me and realized i needed boundaries and balance to keep me in check boundaries and balance that continually needs to be monitored and kept in order. So while I cannot handle the stresses I once could I have more peace and I'm handling other things in life that I never did much better IE spending time with the kids or wtvr.
I wonder how common this is. I mean how many are able to just get back into the saddle again and take on the world like they once did and how many realize they where trying to shoulder too big of a load or something?
I've had to accept it takes all kinds in this world and while I might not be the kind I was or I thought I wanted to be I am me and I'm a decent person even tho I'm not superman or a superstar I somehow always felt like I had to kill myself all the time i've since backed off the throttle in that regard.
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I find that it’s normal and it’s called the aging process by many. Heck I’ve recently had to cut my ice cream intake from a quart to about a cup, I’m almost devastated but won’t drink. Many things we used to do for a long period gets less and less.
I recall an expression “I used to be able to do it all night, now it takes me all night to do it!”
BE WELL
I recall an expression “I used to be able to do it all night, now it takes me all night to do it!”
BE WELL
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 99
Its an interesting question. On the surface, it seems like there is more to deal with in life and while I still don't handle everything as well as it seems I could before, what I have come to learn is that I wasn't actually "handling" anything before. I was just numbing out to life's problems, pushing them back. In so doing, I was numbing out to everything, both the good and the bad.
So while it may feel at times like I was managing better before, I was actually just deferring. Now, in sobriety, I am no longer "comfortably numb" and it feels like there is more to deal with. But now, unlike before, I am actually playing the cards that are dealt to me, rather than just folding and waiting for a better hand. I don't always play those cards right, but at least now I'm actually in the game.
So while it may feel at times like I was managing better before, I was actually just deferring. Now, in sobriety, I am no longer "comfortably numb" and it feels like there is more to deal with. But now, unlike before, I am actually playing the cards that are dealt to me, rather than just folding and waiting for a better hand. I don't always play those cards right, but at least now I'm actually in the game.
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Join Date: May 2008
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I wonder how common this is. I mean how many are able to just get back into the saddle again and take on the world like they once did and how many realize they where trying to shoulder too big of a load or something?
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I find that it’s normal and it’s called the aging process by many.
hahaha In many ways seriously I swear i've decreased my age since I sobered up. But I get what you mean as you get older certain tings just simply are not the same I guess the view is much different at various age points.
Its an interesting question. On the surface, it seems like there is more to deal with in life and while I still don't handle everything as well as it seems I could before, what I have come to learn is that I wasn't actually "handling" anything before. I was just numbing out to life's problems, pushing them back. In so doing, I was numbing out to everything, both the good and the bad.
Quote:
I wonder how common this is. I mean how many are able to just get back into the saddle again and take on the world like they once did and how many realize they where trying to shoulder too big of a load or something?
In my case, I saw where I been burning the candle at both ends. I won't go back to the delusion that I can get away with that indefinitely.
I wonder how common this is. I mean how many are able to just get back into the saddle again and take on the world like they once did and how many realize they where trying to shoulder too big of a load or something?
In my case, I saw where I been burning the candle at both ends. I won't go back to the delusion that I can get away with that indefinitely.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Hi zjw,
For me it goes both ways. There are things I can no longer handle well, things that seemed like a piece of cake when I drank, even though I think they were not handled well even back then. Examples: my apparent bisexuality or running multiple relationships in parallel (I did these in my whole life, not only as a drunk, so I believe it's more than just getting sober); many scattered interests with an illusion of depth in each and actually convincing others I wasn't superficial; making excuses; cancelling meetings; procrastination.
On the other hand, there are more and more things I discover that I can handle pretty well now in sobriety (again, I feel it's more than just sobriety), and never this well before. Number one is my anxiety. My emotions in general, I would say - I am no longer so afraid of them or isolate/compartmentalize them much. I feel I'm also better with people in general, empathy and patience and tolerance, all that.
So for me, the recent changes definitely seem to go in two directions, at least
Is there any one big thing that's really bothering you right now? If so, maybe focus on dealing with that one for a while and multitask a little less.
For me it goes both ways. There are things I can no longer handle well, things that seemed like a piece of cake when I drank, even though I think they were not handled well even back then. Examples: my apparent bisexuality or running multiple relationships in parallel (I did these in my whole life, not only as a drunk, so I believe it's more than just getting sober); many scattered interests with an illusion of depth in each and actually convincing others I wasn't superficial; making excuses; cancelling meetings; procrastination.
On the other hand, there are more and more things I discover that I can handle pretty well now in sobriety (again, I feel it's more than just sobriety), and never this well before. Number one is my anxiety. My emotions in general, I would say - I am no longer so afraid of them or isolate/compartmentalize them much. I feel I'm also better with people in general, empathy and patience and tolerance, all that.
So for me, the recent changes definitely seem to go in two directions, at least
Is there any one big thing that's really bothering you right now? If so, maybe focus on dealing with that one for a while and multitask a little less.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 109
Your insight is very interesting. I have been feeling the same way not able to handle the stress, activity level I did before. At just over 2 months sober I've been feeling that maybe my brain is still healing and eventually I will take on more stimulation. At the same time I feel that what I was taking on while drinking was unrealistic and eventually became chaotic and unmanageable. So the newer and healthier version of ourselves may be twofold; to allow our brains a slower pace as it heals slowly over time and also to reevaluate our lives and gain a better understanding of how to live a balanced existence. Finally, I believe in the neuroplasticity of the brain so moving forward we can reset our brains and use our mind to change the biology of our brain.
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Originally Posted by zjw 
I've had to accept it takes all kinds in this world and while I might not be the kind I was or I thought I wanted to be I am me and I'm a decent person even tho I'm not superman or a superstar I somehow always felt like I had to kill myself all the time i've since backed off the throttle in that regard.
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anyone ever have people feel as if your letting them down now in sobriety? i've had a couple instances where people probe me why i cant this or i cant that. In these cases thse folks dont realize my drinking issues so i just dodged there questions. But indeed i've let some down in my lack of being able to handle it all like I once could. I'm ok with it. but its taken others some getting used too as well.
yeah there is a lot of truth to that. I hate to focus so much on the "what I can no longer do" its true I can no longer do a lot of things. I can also do IONS more other things now. The funny thing is a lot of the other things i'm great at now take say running my boss at work simply wont care and thats not gonna save my but when I can seem to find the motivation I once had to get the job done lol.
That was one thing I had to learn when I sobered up was to do things for me and for my own mental well being and not doing things simply to wow the world. The world never really cared anyway. Somethings are going way better even easier.
For me it goes both ways.
That was one thing I had to learn when I sobered up was to do things for me and for my own mental well being and not doing things simply to wow the world. The world never really cared anyway. Somethings are going way better even easier.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: San Antonio, Texas
Posts: 2
Great question! I've been sober for almost three years now. I was an alcoholic/rageaholic that felt my only limit was how hard I could push myself. No matter how bad things got, I always had that warm fuzzy numbness to fall back on.
Sobriety is cold and loud! All of a sudden I had feelings. Anger, depression, fear, grief...it was a bit overwhelming at first. But, after some time I learned to get in touch with my feelings. I KNEW when I was about to blow up. I knew when I was getting down. So, I'd call "Time Out." I'd walk away. I felt like such a looser.
But, I had a very good excuse. I needed to remain calm. I HAD to hold onto my sobriety. And, to tell you the truth I was sort of tired of fighting. Fighting with the stresses of life.
It took some time to get the hang of this new "hippy dippy" peaceful existence. But, there were changes and growing pains going on inside my head. After about two years of struggling I found that life was having a harder time stressing me out. The phrases "Don't Panic!" and "Stay Calm" come to mind..lol.
I'm still working on it. Things like living in the moment. And, making the best of that moment. It's all about perception and attitude. You can either race into work running late, or enjoy a sporting drive in while enjoying a cup of coffee. I've found that calmness is contagious also. Just like anger used to be. And, I feel I give off vibes of confidence now.
FYI, my performance reviews at work have improved and I'm being considered for a promotion.
Sobriety is cold and loud! All of a sudden I had feelings. Anger, depression, fear, grief...it was a bit overwhelming at first. But, after some time I learned to get in touch with my feelings. I KNEW when I was about to blow up. I knew when I was getting down. So, I'd call "Time Out." I'd walk away. I felt like such a looser.
But, I had a very good excuse. I needed to remain calm. I HAD to hold onto my sobriety. And, to tell you the truth I was sort of tired of fighting. Fighting with the stresses of life.
It took some time to get the hang of this new "hippy dippy" peaceful existence. But, there were changes and growing pains going on inside my head. After about two years of struggling I found that life was having a harder time stressing me out. The phrases "Don't Panic!" and "Stay Calm" come to mind..lol.
I'm still working on it. Things like living in the moment. And, making the best of that moment. It's all about perception and attitude. You can either race into work running late, or enjoy a sporting drive in while enjoying a cup of coffee. I've found that calmness is contagious also. Just like anger used to be. And, I feel I give off vibes of confidence now.
FYI, my performance reviews at work have improved and I'm being considered for a promotion.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
You hit the nail on the head right there. Acceptance. Accepting that we all have strengths as well as weaknesses. No matter how much you take on in life, there will always be someone who does more than you, as well as those who do less.
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Good topic! I would say I've experienced the opposite - when I was active in my addiction I was having terrible panic attacks, anxiety and depression. Anger was the order of the day, and my world was getting smaller and smaller. Today I have a world that is far bigger and I am taking on responsibility I could just not have handled when I was drinking. I used to talk big and do little - now I try to talk less and do more Try being the operative world - I'm a talker...
Try being the operative world - I'm a talker... Member
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climber122 and squirrelbyte I can relate to both of your posts considerably been there done that etc..
One thing I realize with my work is it requires me to pay very close attention to detail to make sure the t are crosse and the i's are dotted etc.. In my drinking days i'd scramble and stress out to try and do that then drink that anxiety away at night. WHat a tough day i'd say and yes it was why? becuase as you can tell by how i type and such thats just not me plain and simple. Fast forward to now I'm not doing so well crossing those t's and dotting those i's sometimes i'm simply making mistakes other times i'm just not paying attention to details and sometimes i'm just like meh i dont care I need my sanity i'm not going to scramble. This concerns me as I'm making mistakes at work I know my days are numbered in this field and I want out anyhow so when it does come to an end it'll be bitter sweet.
An example of this is if i where to post on this site with proper punctionation and commas and spelling etc.. OMG it would stress me out it would take me fore ever to do each seemingly easy casual post. its just not in my nature.
I do it when it counts for example an email to my boss or something but outside of that forget it its too stressful for me. Its one of my weekness's that i accept.
One thing I realize with my work is it requires me to pay very close attention to detail to make sure the t are crosse and the i's are dotted etc.. In my drinking days i'd scramble and stress out to try and do that then drink that anxiety away at night. WHat a tough day i'd say and yes it was why? becuase as you can tell by how i type and such thats just not me plain and simple. Fast forward to now I'm not doing so well crossing those t's and dotting those i's sometimes i'm simply making mistakes other times i'm just not paying attention to details and sometimes i'm just like meh i dont care I need my sanity i'm not going to scramble. This concerns me as I'm making mistakes at work I know my days are numbered in this field and I want out anyhow so when it does come to an end it'll be bitter sweet.
An example of this is if i where to post on this site with proper punctionation and commas and spelling etc.. OMG it would stress me out it would take me fore ever to do each seemingly easy casual post. its just not in my nature.
I do it when it counts for example an email to my boss or something but outside of that forget it its too stressful for me. Its one of my weekness's that i accept.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
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I have. With work, I was a machine. I did months and months of working 60-70 hours a week, I just needed to make it to Friday. I was a weekend drinker and Friday I would just get blitzed all the way through Sunday night.
Now, I have to examine each day, if I'm irritated figure out why and how to fix it. It's interesting. And not everyone that I deal with likes that.
Now, I have to examine each day, if I'm irritated figure out why and how to fix it. It's interesting. And not everyone that I deal with likes that.
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I have. With work, I was a machine. I did months and months of working 60-70 hours a week, I just needed to make it to Friday. I was a weekend drinker and Friday I would just get blitzed all the way through Sunday night.
Now, I have to examine each day, if I'm irritated figure out why and how to fix it. It's interesting. And not everyone that I deal with likes that.
Now, I have to examine each day, if I'm irritated figure out why and how to fix it. It's interesting. And not everyone that I deal with likes that.
Glad I'm far from alone. Its like i was superman when i drank yet my world was burning down all around me all at the same time!.
Examineing each day, yes true I'm constantly having to stop and breathe reasess the situation put things in perspective relax etc.. If i spiral out of control I stop and go how did i get away from myself back to stopping and breatheing etc..
seems so foreign to me but this is just how my life is these days.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
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Originally Posted by zjw
An example of this is if i where to post on this site with proper punctionation and commas and spelling etc.. OMG it would stress me out it would take me fore ever to do each seemingly easy casual post. its just not in my nature.
It also make you look like you're so busy you're working from your phone.
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I have struggled with this in sobriety. It has been quite frustrating and disheartening at times for me to realize that in some ways I am less capable sober than I was while drinking and there are parts of me I can never get back. In fact I got a stark reminder of this a couple weeks ago. Sorry in advance for the length of this.
When I drank I was able to perform the difficult job of working as both a paramedic and a nurse. My drinking allowed me to compartmentalize all of the pain, suffering, injustice, and horror that I saw on a regular basis. If I was not at work then I was drinking and that is how I was able to numb as much as possible about my job and life. Unfortunately, there came a point when the alcohol was wrecking so much havoc in my life that I had to quit and when I did the PTSD that had been bubbling at the surface came rushing forth. With alcohol no longer acting as a wall between myself and my emotions my brain was no longer able to handle all that it had seen, done, and had to deal with over the years. On top of that I had a major motor vehicle accident at 6 months of sobriety. I held on by the skin of my teeth, thinking that the insanity I was dealing with was normal for early sobriety until I finally crashed in my 7th year of sobriety. I did not drink but came close to suicide.
These 6 years since then have been a long, winding, sometimes narrow and rocky road. I don't know if I will ever be well as this has been going on for so long now without much relief. I have had to start my life over in sobriety in so many ways. I have been told by several different doctors that I can not go back to work in the medical field. For me that has been hard to accept after spending 20 years as a nurse and 12 as a paramedic. It was only 2 years ago that I was finally able to accept this enough to put my nursing license into a retired state.
There is a large part of me that misses the part of the job that helped other people. I want to be that competent, reliable, proficient, able bodied person once again. Unfortunately, I realize I was only that person while on the job and that would not have lasted much longer had I kept up my drinking. Even today I still have feel the overwhelming urge to stop and help when I see a person in need. But as I learned a few weeks ago this is not something I should be doing any longer. As my doctor said after hearing about this event; I need to start focusing on taking care of me now and protecting myself which is what my brain did when it did not do what I wanted or expected it to allow me to do during this event. I am just going to cut and paste what I journaled about the event as it states things best.
(quick note: We were returning from an RV trip to the coast)
"I wish I could just do a recovery on my brain like one can do with a computer and just wipe the hard drive and reinstall the important stuff then start all over with a more positive outlook.
We made it home safely this afternoon despite coming across two serious wrecks that had just happened on our way home. I am very grateful to be home and safe, knowing that those I love are safe as well. One never knows when a person they love will walk out the door get into a car and not make it home because, out of the blue, they were involved in an motor vehicle accident. It is days like this that make me appreciate those around me even more.
The other side of this coin is that coming across these traumatic accident scenes that were so fresh triggered my PTSD in a very negative way. At the first accident my first impulse was to stop and help. The car had obviously rolled several times and the driver was clearly pinned inside and hurt. That was easily assessed just as we drove by to find a place to stop. Unfortunately, as soon as I got out my mind froze and I was overwhelmed with flashbacks and unable to act. The only thing I was able to do was try to change my focus from the patient to traffic management and pull some road flares out to help slow traffic and direct traffic. By the time I had done that the ambulance crew was on scene as well as a sheriffs vehicle so we left. I could not even stop at the second accident as the first one had left me so shaken.
Sometimes I wonder if I am so broken that I can not be fixed. I am so overwhelmed this evening because of coming across these accidents. I can not even fully explain what is going on in my head with all of this. Just having heard about the tragic accident that happened yesterday taking the life of ***'s husband had already triggered my PTSD. So I was already on edge prior to coming upon these wrecks. I hate not even being able to watch a simple news program without the fear that I will see something that will set my brain off in a horrible direction. I hate that I had to give up a career that I was good at and loved in many ways because of this disease. I hate that I have to be on guard in so many areas of my life because of it. I am just emotionally exhausted from all of this."
When I drank I was able to perform the difficult job of working as both a paramedic and a nurse. My drinking allowed me to compartmentalize all of the pain, suffering, injustice, and horror that I saw on a regular basis. If I was not at work then I was drinking and that is how I was able to numb as much as possible about my job and life. Unfortunately, there came a point when the alcohol was wrecking so much havoc in my life that I had to quit and when I did the PTSD that had been bubbling at the surface came rushing forth. With alcohol no longer acting as a wall between myself and my emotions my brain was no longer able to handle all that it had seen, done, and had to deal with over the years. On top of that I had a major motor vehicle accident at 6 months of sobriety. I held on by the skin of my teeth, thinking that the insanity I was dealing with was normal for early sobriety until I finally crashed in my 7th year of sobriety. I did not drink but came close to suicide.
These 6 years since then have been a long, winding, sometimes narrow and rocky road. I don't know if I will ever be well as this has been going on for so long now without much relief. I have had to start my life over in sobriety in so many ways. I have been told by several different doctors that I can not go back to work in the medical field. For me that has been hard to accept after spending 20 years as a nurse and 12 as a paramedic. It was only 2 years ago that I was finally able to accept this enough to put my nursing license into a retired state.
There is a large part of me that misses the part of the job that helped other people. I want to be that competent, reliable, proficient, able bodied person once again. Unfortunately, I realize I was only that person while on the job and that would not have lasted much longer had I kept up my drinking. Even today I still have feel the overwhelming urge to stop and help when I see a person in need. But as I learned a few weeks ago this is not something I should be doing any longer. As my doctor said after hearing about this event; I need to start focusing on taking care of me now and protecting myself which is what my brain did when it did not do what I wanted or expected it to allow me to do during this event. I am just going to cut and paste what I journaled about the event as it states things best.
(quick note: We were returning from an RV trip to the coast)
"I wish I could just do a recovery on my brain like one can do with a computer and just wipe the hard drive and reinstall the important stuff then start all over with a more positive outlook.
We made it home safely this afternoon despite coming across two serious wrecks that had just happened on our way home. I am very grateful to be home and safe, knowing that those I love are safe as well. One never knows when a person they love will walk out the door get into a car and not make it home because, out of the blue, they were involved in an motor vehicle accident. It is days like this that make me appreciate those around me even more.
The other side of this coin is that coming across these traumatic accident scenes that were so fresh triggered my PTSD in a very negative way. At the first accident my first impulse was to stop and help. The car had obviously rolled several times and the driver was clearly pinned inside and hurt. That was easily assessed just as we drove by to find a place to stop. Unfortunately, as soon as I got out my mind froze and I was overwhelmed with flashbacks and unable to act. The only thing I was able to do was try to change my focus from the patient to traffic management and pull some road flares out to help slow traffic and direct traffic. By the time I had done that the ambulance crew was on scene as well as a sheriffs vehicle so we left. I could not even stop at the second accident as the first one had left me so shaken.
Sometimes I wonder if I am so broken that I can not be fixed. I am so overwhelmed this evening because of coming across these accidents. I can not even fully explain what is going on in my head with all of this. Just having heard about the tragic accident that happened yesterday taking the life of ***'s husband had already triggered my PTSD. So I was already on edge prior to coming upon these wrecks. I hate not even being able to watch a simple news program without the fear that I will see something that will set my brain off in a horrible direction. I hate that I had to give up a career that I was good at and loved in many ways because of this disease. I hate that I have to be on guard in so many areas of my life because of it. I am just emotionally exhausted from all of this."
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nandm, thanks for your post it really helps to know there are others with some big troubles and life changes after quiting. I dont have the same carreer as you but I have some simliarities and I get rather overwhelmed and i freeze. somedays all i can manage to squeeck out is an hour or 2 of real work till I have to stop myself and do something else. I relate to a lot of what you said in many ways. it does seem debilitating sometimes.
I think in my case my solution(s) are easier then yours I think a new carreer path will help me find a place where I wont be getting so overwhelmed ( i guess thats how to explain it) and I can just go in and do a good honest days work.
I really do appreciate your post a lot I'm going to cut and paste it so i can read it a few more times.
My question about that statement is do you think the disease enabled you to have a carreer you otherwise could have never had? For example maybe its not really the diseases fault maybe you never would have been able to handle the carreer but the disease numbed you?
Thats a point I'm at. I dont think the disease did anything but water it all down and numb me. I think had it not been for my drinking I would have changed carreer paths a long time agoe because I would have thought gosh this is just too much i dont like all this pressure etc.. and I would have done something different.
I guess its a tough question to answer too in my case you throw in a wife and kids and well changing carreers becomes an even more challenging obstacle.
I think in my case my solution(s) are easier then yours I think a new carreer path will help me find a place where I wont be getting so overwhelmed ( i guess thats how to explain it) and I can just go in and do a good honest days work.
I really do appreciate your post a lot I'm going to cut and paste it so i can read it a few more times.
I hate that I had to give up a career that I was good at and loved in many ways because of this disease.
Thats a point I'm at. I dont think the disease did anything but water it all down and numb me. I think had it not been for my drinking I would have changed carreer paths a long time agoe because I would have thought gosh this is just too much i dont like all this pressure etc.. and I would have done something different.
I guess its a tough question to answer too in my case you throw in a wife and kids and well changing carreers becomes an even more challenging obstacle.
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Originally Posted by zjw
...My question about that statement is do you think the disease enabled you to have a carreer you otherwise could have never had? For example maybe its not really the diseases fault maybe you never would have been able to handle the carreer but the disease numbed you?
Thats a point I'm at. I dont think the disease did anything but water it all down and numb me. I think had it not been for my drinking I would have changed carreer paths a long time agoe because I would have thought gosh this is just too much i dont like all this pressure etc.. and I would have done something different.
I guess its a tough question to answer too in my case you throw in a wife and kids and well changing carreers becomes an even more challenging obstacle.
Thats a point I'm at. I dont think the disease did anything but water it all down and numb me. I think had it not been for my drinking I would have changed carreer paths a long time agoe because I would have thought gosh this is just too much i dont like all this pressure etc.. and I would have done something different.
I guess its a tough question to answer too in my case you throw in a wife and kids and well changing carreers becomes an even more challenging obstacle.
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I find I'm far more capable now than I was a drinker. My problem has been finding balance...I played hard so I worked hard too...when I quit drinking, I forgot all about play for a few years....
I think initially I was scared if I had too much downtimes I'd drink...even when that fear went away, the habit was ingrained and I very rarely goofed off.
For the past couple of years I've been working on finding the mid point - a healthy work/play balance. I think I'm better for it
D
I think initially I was scared if I had too much downtimes I'd drink...even when that fear went away, the habit was ingrained and I very rarely goofed off.
For the past couple of years I've been working on finding the mid point - a healthy work/play balance. I think I'm better for it
D
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