Petewill

well, yesterday just felt like crap.. I really want to drink/or maybe I just like the thought of romanticizing drinking again. It seems no matter what, I seem to be missing out on something or just missing out.. Miserable at the moment - really not enjoying or appreciating my meetings, recovery, life.. As usual, the loneliness and frustration is ripping me apart. honestly, I have zero game on the women front without alcohol, it's pathetic. feeling this crappy at 16 months or so. sucks. I see a therapist as well.. things just seem to have got worse mentally these last 24 hours. sorry, life socially (sober) is not all there and not fun as some of you portray it to be. the kicker is i have just started playing in a band again and I have alot of friends. just something is missing and I know that some of you think I am whining and whatnot. yes, I am working the steps.. step 8. thanks for reading.

sugarbear1

try helping someone with less time than you and see if your mood changes....you may inspire yourself a bit.....

PurpleKnight

Alcohol is not the thing that is missing, I found that the thing that I craved was the escape and the numbing away of life that alcohol provided, that surely indicated that it was something else that was missing rather than alcohol itself.

We all just need to find out what that is, alcohol took up soo much of my life and it took me a while to figure out how to have an enjoyable life.

Hang in there!!

Rina

I know what you mean. I try to focus on having more good days than bad days. Our brains miss the escape. Of course, by escaping we weren't really living were we? It's cool that you're in a band and playing sober!

Pagekeeper

Petewill, the big change for me came with step 9. Making those amends. It was just ... freeing and the obsession to drink vanished completely and I have not had it again since.

The Promises are in step 9. "We will be amazed before we are halfway through" --this is talking about amends, specifically.

There is really no reason to stay on step 8 for long. If you understand your shortcomings from your inventory, you're good to go. Perhaps it's time to start making those amends.

RecklessEric

Hi Pete.

I don't do the AA program, so the steps (although I have done them) aren't for me. So I can't really comment on that.
But I can totally relate to finding it hard to engage with other people without booze.
And you say you're in a new band, so there's probably booze around when you gig.

But my CBT therapist addressed this with me.
She pointed out that booze doesn't make things better. Sure, it can enhance you're experience of things, but the actual thing you are doing is the same with or without booze.

I'm not one of those people who is a "grateful" alcoholic.
I'm pissed off that I'm an alcoholic.
But it is what it is and I know enough to recognise that my moments of nostalgia around drink are tempered by that nostalgia.
The truth is, if I have a drink, all bets are off and things will most likely turn bad pretty quick.

I hope this is just a temporary funk you're in and that you feel better soon.

Take care.

mick3580

When you say recovery and meetings, are you saying that you are doing aa? If so, meetings are not the whole prescription of recovery through aa. The steps are the solution.

in

aasharon90

16 mos. sober is awesome for us drunks,
alcoholics, folks with an addiction to alcohol.

If I was waiting for the right time in my life
somewhere's down the road to begin drinking
possibly successfully or responsibility or even
with control, then I'd be wasting my time cause
it will never ever happen in this lifetime.

So, once I accepted the fact I will never drink
poison, nor wish to, then living life without it
eventually became enjoyable.

I keep encorperating all that I have learned
in recovery into my everyday affairs and look
for ways to have fun, appreciate each day I
take a breath and be grateful for it.

I'm 24 yrs sober which is a heck of a lot
of one days at a time added together without
drinking alcohol. Without trying to kill myself.
Without numbing emotional pain. Without
trying to control everything and everyone.

I didn't know at the time when I was just
1 yr. sober what my life would be like today,
just like where you are. All I could do was live
in the day, do the next best thing, stay close
to my recovery support and keep an open
mind to suggestions that would lead me in
the right direction in life to stay healthy, honest
and happy.

Like many before me that have paved the
recovery road for me, I followed in their
paths to get me where I am today. And
for the past 24 yrs of my life as I share
my own ESH - experiences, strengths and
hope with those following me, I have been
paving the road for them.

In order for me to continue to live and enjoy
the promises as mentioned in the Big Book of
AA, I have to remain responsible in recovery
and pass on the knowledge of it to the new
comer or those struggling with addiction themselves
just like all those folks did for me over the yrs.

I don't know what lies ahead of you, but, I
believe you will enjoy the promises just as
I and many others as long as you continue
following the road of recovery and passing it
on.

Be patient with yourself, kind to others,
and stay sober.

mpr

If you feel how you feel at the moment odds are adding alcohol into the equation would not make the problem any better, possibly worse but definitely not better. Odds are what you feel will pass, tough it out best you can.

Dee74

Sorry to see you're still struggling Pete - how would drinking help tho?
wouldn't it just add to all of that stuff exponentially?

D

Petewill

thanks for all of the encouragement.. I feel a little better, but unfortunately, i am having more self-contempt towards myself than ever. Good thing I see a shrink and a therapist. I actually went to several bars the other night, I did not drink, however I was so angered at my recovery I was like.."I don't care if I'm in a bar" I did watch several bands and kareoke, so I was being entertained, not just watching others drink. Obviously, I have alot of work ahead of me. right now it's blah...

ScottFromWI

Glad to hear you are seeking help Pete. This may sound obvious, but have you considered hanging out places besides bars? Coffee shops, bookstores, libraries, churches, aa meetings, the list goes on and on of places you can go that aren't specifically designed for drinking.

Soberwolf

This

Low

Sounds like the hole in the soul syndrome....Get out of yourself by helping someone else...it's amazing what this does. All the best.

skg

A sponsee sent this to me recently. See, when I'm not grateful for the lows as well as the highs, I start blaming others, my God, you, and anyone who's not treating me right. When I wait to be offended, I'm not at a loss for applicants, lemme tell you.

Self-analysis is useful--until I live in it. This is the number one reason I need to get out of myself--and takes effort over time to change my thoughts by taking action rather than waiting for someone to change for me.

I printed this out in full color and framed it, put it on my wall, and determined to recognize when I was thinking about poor, poor, pitiful me rather than acknowledging that I was getting sideways. It takes effort to change my thinking, but thinking about it surely doesn't work.

Dee74

your recovery's not making you this way pete...and drinking won't fix it either.
where are you in the steps these days?

D

Petewill

Step 8 - at the moment..