Jeni26

I think I've been managing quite well. This past few months have been difficult and I've had to cope with a lot of changes and losses. My Dad died, my daughter moved out, my son announced he's moving in with his girlfriend for most of the week and just coming home a few nights. Our road was flooded and I've applied for a new job after 12 years of giving my heart and soul to the one I'm in. My Mum now comes to stay with us most weekends because she suffers from acute anxiety and i think it's the right thing to do.

So...lots of changes and readjustments and losses.

I think I've been quite numb for most of it. Dad died 5 weeks or so ago. It's like I've been on auto pilot, just going with the flow.

But today, I'm meeting with a governor from the school where I've applied for a new job, and I'm really nervous. I've got a stress headache and butterflies in my stomach. That old voice is whispering..'what on earth do you think you're doing? You aren't good enough for this job..they will just laugh at you!' My current boss is giving me a hard time and I'm wracked with guilt and doubt.

I'm too scared to drink so there's little chance of that, drink equals panic attacks and anxiety and depression. That's all it ever brought me anyway and I can't be doing with that.

But, for the first time in a long time, I want to run away and hide.

Dee74

I think anyone would feel nervous Jeni...but you know as well as I do you for all intents and purposes run the school in your current job...that's why your boss doesn't you to leave.

You are more than capable of doing this new job

Go and get 'em...Best wishes

D

Soberwolf

So sorry about your dad....condolences and a big hug

Good luck with the job

hope you feel a bit better jeni

Gilmer

Best of luck, Jeni!

Foolsgold186

Jeni, all things considered I think you're doing amazing keeping things together.

Good luck with your interview. I really hope you do great!

L x

ForMeForThem

Hi Jeni- You have alot you are dealing with so you have the right to feel a bit overwhelmed and even like you want to run and hide, I think that's normal and to be expected from any person at times of great stress. But the important thing to remember and pat yourself on the back about is -you aren't running and hiding. You are handling life, with all it's ups and downs.

Good luck today and don't listen to that voice. No matter what happens, be proud that you are taking chances and going after opportunities, that is a real accomplishment in itself. I hope everything settles down soon. Hugs.

Jeni26

Thank you so much. It went well. I've got to go back to do the formal stuff on the 20th.

I will try to stop freaking by then...

I thought about vodka driving home. I hate that after more than 2 years, those thoughts still nag at me. But I will be ok.

Mags1

Hi Jeni, glad it went well, You're coping well x

Stayingsober72

I'm so proud of you Jeni! I too suffer from anxiety and alcohol was my go-to solution for that. It's really hard to face our fears sober but you did it! And don't listen to that destructive voice in your head that says you aren't good enough. It's a liar and would rather have us drink than succeed. Well done!

readerbaby71

Fear is a good thing sometimes. Pushing past it makes us realize we have very little limitations that are not self-imposed. Good luck!

fotographia

I am sorry about your father. What you are describing with being on auto-pilot when someone dies is normal. At least you are not drinking. This will make it worse. I had a friend die 2 years ago and I did not drink since it would have made the sadness and loss worse.