dont want to think about the "A" word
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Sarasota, FL
Posts: 223
Originally Posted by boris 
Have been sober since the 21st july.
Most of that ive been counting sober days
Talking thinking about it etc.
I still want to stay sober but i no longer what to think of myself as an alcohoĺic as i feel like its an obsession. I wont take being sober for granted but i feel consumed by the feeling of staying sober.
Am i being daft?
Most of that ive been counting sober days
Talking thinking about it etc.
I still want to stay sober but i no longer what to think of myself as an alcohoĺic as i feel like its an obsession. I wont take being sober for granted but i feel consumed by the feeling of staying sober.
Am i being daft?
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
I don't think much about the fact that life is not fair; that some people have had advantages to succeed in life (and many more who, in comparison, were disadvantaged in the extreme) that were not available to me; that every cat and dog I've owned died before I did; that my heart's been broken more than one time; that my wife shut down our marriage due to my drinking, and then moved on to live an enviable life; that major depression has had a dramatic influence on my life; that I've wasted years of my life romancing the bottle; that I've lost loved ones who died much too early in life, one by his own hand; that I was fired several times due to my drinking, and that for periods of time I was saddled with a well-earned Scarlet Letter in terms of working in my field following a long and successful career; or that I've had to engage in the daunting process of rebuilding the wreckage that became my life on at least two separate occasions.
Had I proceeded in my life as though these things never happened, or that any of them had anything other than a dramatic impact on who I am and what I have become and what I am becoming, then I'd likely find myself in an infinite loop of mounting losses, the nature and cause of which would always and ever remain beyond my narrow comprehension. For me, trying not to think about what happened, what I've done in response to the pain that resulted from my choices in life, only gives increasing power to the consequences of my decisions and how I live the rest of my life. Through all this, I’ve learned that when it comes to my failures and missteps in life, attention must be paid before I simply “move on.” The monster under the bed doesn't disappear by virtue of my closing my eyes but has, instead, a powerful advantage over a blind victim.
This is only a sampling of circumstances and conditions in my life that my portable time machine would allow me to repair or altogether avoid (many of which are or were beyond my direct control, though it's also true that I could have exerted some influence on some of these outcomes by exercising better decisions and executing better actions) and that , as I move on in living my life, I may or may not add to. But when I review this partial menu, it occurs to me that I must have lived a pretty good life to have lost what I've lost. It's not so much that I've lost so many things that I would be happy to have or to have done (most of which the majority of people on the planet also suffer, and much, much worse) as it is what I've done in the aftermath.
It's been said that Rome wasn't built in a day. It's also been said that it was reduced to cinders in less than a week while its emperor looked away, preferring instead to engage in more personal, trivial pursuits.
Had I proceeded in my life as though these things never happened, or that any of them had anything other than a dramatic impact on who I am and what I have become and what I am becoming, then I'd likely find myself in an infinite loop of mounting losses, the nature and cause of which would always and ever remain beyond my narrow comprehension. For me, trying not to think about what happened, what I've done in response to the pain that resulted from my choices in life, only gives increasing power to the consequences of my decisions and how I live the rest of my life. Through all this, I’ve learned that when it comes to my failures and missteps in life, attention must be paid before I simply “move on.” The monster under the bed doesn't disappear by virtue of my closing my eyes but has, instead, a powerful advantage over a blind victim.
This is only a sampling of circumstances and conditions in my life that my portable time machine would allow me to repair or altogether avoid (many of which are or were beyond my direct control, though it's also true that I could have exerted some influence on some of these outcomes by exercising better decisions and executing better actions) and that , as I move on in living my life, I may or may not add to. But when I review this partial menu, it occurs to me that I must have lived a pretty good life to have lost what I've lost. It's not so much that I've lost so many things that I would be happy to have or to have done (most of which the majority of people on the planet also suffer, and much, much worse) as it is what I've done in the aftermath.
It's been said that Rome wasn't built in a day. It's also been said that it was reduced to cinders in less than a week while its emperor looked away, preferring instead to engage in more personal, trivial pursuits.
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