Pubs, parties and being around alcohol during recovery.
 

Today is the 19th day without any alcohol, 19 days ago I had withdrawal seizures and spent three days in hospital which I've made a previous thread about.

Tomorrow my cousin is having a big party (in a local British Legion ie a pub) for his 20th wedding anniversary but I've decided not to go.
The people at the alcohol group I went to all pretty much said they thought it would be a bad idea to put myself in that situation so soon.
Plus I think I would spend half the night having to talk about what happened because everyone would be asking me about it. It's not that I mind talking about it, I'm not ashamed or anything, but I just really don't feel like spending a whole night doing it.

Also I am currently out of work and want a new job. I basically have funds to pay my bills until the end of November but I would rather get one sooner than later.
But then I have people telling me it might be too soon and I should get completely healthy first etc. Then others saying I need to get a job asap.

Anyway, I just wondered what the people on here thought about both situations.

Hello Matt

Here is my feedback:
a) I think you are wise not to go to the party. At 19 day sober it is way too early plus who wants to be around a bunch of drunken fools in a beer smelling hall?
b) With the job situation, I would suggest that you look for a job but since you have a little financial cushion focus on getting something you really want to do.
You do not have any financial pressures, you don't have to take a Mac job that you'd hate so you can truly go job "hunting" instead of job "grasping".
It will still leave you plenty of time to work on your recovery.
Congrats on 19 days sober and wishing you thousands more

MM, it's great that you are at 19 days. Good work.

I went back to work about a week after I stopped drinking.

I stayed away from parties and bars for about 5 months. I went to my old bar one night after work, to socialize and drink 7-Up. It was uncomfortable. Never went there again.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Focus on yourself and your sobriety first, and then work will come along. Or maybe you could get a part time job in the mean time, as well as focusing on yourself?

Good luck.

I also have avoided parties and events where there's going to be a lot of alcohol like a friend's Bachelor party/Stag night, or even a friend's wedding on a major holiday weekend.

When I got Sober I had to seriously think about what situations to put myself in.

At 19 days things are still a bit early, so sitting this one out may not be a bad idea!!

On issue #1 (the party) I agree with your group and what others have posted. I can only share my own experience but the first few weeks would have been WAY too soon for me to be in that kind of environment. I am coming up on a year and I still reserve the right to opt out of social events where the focus is on drinking, depending on my mood.

What I have heard others say about events is, "Rather than focusing on what you will GET out of an event, think about what you can BRING to it." In this case, the converse may be true. i.e. you may be TAKING AWAY from the event if lots of people will have questions and want to talk about your sobriety. Your cousin is having the party to celebrate HIS anniversary and being there and having to answer a lot of questions about what happened with you may actually TAKE AWAY the focus on celebration and actually make others feel awkward. You certainly can't control what other people think/feel (nor should you try) but in this case I think it makes the most sense to stay away.

On issue #2 (the job situation) I would say to follow your instincts. If you're feeling well enough to tackle a new job and it would give you some stability (both emotionally and financially) then there is nothing wrong with looking for a new job. Plus, you never know; it may take you some time to find a job anyway, so might as well get to looking. Making your employment a "project" may actually help by giving yourself something to focus on other than the fact that you're not drinking.

Strong work on the 19 days by the way! :c011:

As far as the party goes, I reckon not going is a really sound idea. I know everyone's different, but it does seem really early. I've been sober ... um ... have to count :=] ... 14 weeks and I still haven't been to a pub, party or what have you. I suspect I'm probably slow, but I think it's way better to be safe than sorry :=] Take care and congrats on 19 (possibly 20) days.

Think you made a good choice re the party.

The job thing? I dunno. I'd rather be working than not and I sense you're the same.

What might be troublesome for someone else's recovery might be a great help to another person in the same situation.

Only you can decide into what category a job might fit for you Matt? :)

D

It's probably a good idea not to go. I remember I went to a concert in October of last year and was also 20-30 days sober at the time. I don't regret going, but it was a little too early for me to be in that type of environment.

Personally, I'd forego the party and focus on job hunting :)

This

I wouldn't delay looking for work on the advice of others. There is no "sobriety recommendation" that says you should be focussed on recovery 24/7 & not work! As we know from this site, different people take very different approaches to sobriety.

I can speak for myself, & say that I didn't get a single day off work to focus on recovery! I'm at day 48 now. I go to work, go to a noon AA meeting during my lunch break a few days a week (the other days I take a shorter lunch to make up for it), go to meetings some evenings, and go to 3-5 meetings over a weekend. I work full time - 40+ hours a week. It is working for me. I'm doing 90 in 90. After that I intend replacing some of those meetings with other healthy activities.

If I were out of work & didn't have considerable financial resources, it would make me anxious. Anxious enough to drink again. I find NOT working more stressful (because of $) than working (where there is occaisional stress in work pressures or coworker relations). Not working, my anxiety is pervasive & constant; working, it comes in moments & then gets resolved.

Whatever you choose will be right for you if you do it based on self-knowledge.

I think you were right to decide to avoid the party. Definitely.
As for work, it might help to be focused on something else. Or if you don't feel ready for that then maybe volunteering? That could be part time but would help when you are ready to look for a permanent job :)