3rd time at 6 month mark and again thirsty.
 

Why is it every time if get to 6 months I fail. It's like the first 6 aren't difficult but as soon as I get to around 5 1/2 months the cravings are unreal. I again have reached that mark and once again I really want a drink. I pick fights with my wife intentionally so I can just say screw it, I'm drinking. It's at this point that I really glorify drinking and would give my right arm for that first buzz. I gotta figure out a way thru!!!! Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

Your addictive voice is setting yourself up for failure. It wants you to drink, so it is making you feel this way. Don't let it win!

Mb8
I just checked the calendar, you messed it up. It's only like 4 months. How about I keep track, I'll let you know when 7 rolls around.



Maybe focusing on a certain number is giving the AV something to shoot for. On a lot of levels it's a mind game.

What have you been doing to stay sober for 4 months? Some of your posts I the past mention AA, perhaps talk with your sponsor?

No matter what anyone in AA told me or what I did in my first 6 months of sobriety ... it just sucked ... plain and simple. Heck, even after a year I still had cravings. Early sobriety sucks. I don't care what AA people have to say about that. At the same time, AA ultimately saved me from going back out there. By being around people that I was accountable to in meetings, talking to my sponsor, and praying were very key those first several months for me (I wouldn't have admitted it back then). By the way, it's not going to get any easier. It's a progressive disease and it never gets better. It always gets worse ... until you get sober and stay sober.

In my experience that’s a fact filled sentence many don’t comply with or like.
I’ll add that staying sober long term change is required as it can uncover our inner reasons for using alcohol as an escape mechanism and we can counteract it.
It’s work but the results can be wonderful.

BE WELL

In my early sobriety, I had to stay "scheduled up". I became a yoga fanatic, I volunteered to drive places at night, I stayed glued to SR, I went to bed early, I took classes, etc. I did everything it took to "just not drink." I just passed my year milestone. It does get easier, if you gut it out.

Perhaps unconsciously making a deal with your addiction?

I was a daily drinking for over 30 years. Six months sober was an amazing and unbelievable milestone for me. Yet I started thinking about drinking...thinking once every 6 months was better than daily. A nice little compromise I thought, 363 sober days out of 365.

But I didn't drink at my six month mark. Who knows where that first drink would have led. Maybe ten years of drinking, which followed one of my earlier "compromises" to sobriety.

Urge surf your way on out to a year and see how you feel. Personally, I was in hell when I got to 90 days, which was supposed to be some kind of milestone for proving that I could control my drinking, but I kept on going and boy was it ever worth it. This Halloween I'll be celebrating three years! In my experience, it really started to get much easier in the second year until it was basically a non issue. That's not to say I didn't feel better every day from the moment that I quit. The trick, if there is one, is to take the drinking option off the table. Climb the walls if need be but just don't let drinking be an option. You wouldn't be here if you didn't know what that leads to!

dwtbd,
that's a very useful calendar you have :)

MB8, you haven't failed. you're here, sober, and aware of what you're doing, picking fights and such to "allow" yourself a "reason" for a return to drinking.
nothing magical about 6 months as such or alcohol, either.

what do you want from it?

Willpower only got me so far, because my addictive mind wanted me to drink, and so alone in isolation with my own thoughts, there was only going to be one outcome!!

Support created longer term results, something outside of myself to give me a second opinion on what my mind was telling me!!

You can do this, tweak your plan and go at things again!! :)

Just remind yourself if you go back to drinking you're just going to be putting yourself back to square one trying to stop again. Your here for a reason. You wanted to quit. Drink again and guess what? It will get so painful you will have quit again. So why start again? This disease never go away in you. You're an alcoholic. The good news is you can survive this by not drinking. Its that simple. 6 months is not hard. Its a celebration. A Celebration of chosing life over death. Every day you wake up and chose not to drink, you win over the disease that lies within you. Thats a gift. Each day the gift gets more valuable. After time there's no way you're going to trade that gift in for certain misery and pain. Give yourself some more time. It gets better and easier. Trust me. Trust others here. Stay with us.

Very valuable information here. I don't have much to add other than to say I used to play a similar game. Except I didn't make 6 months, I was between 30 and 90 days. I Had to change most everything in my life to get out of my self fulfilling prophecies. It can very much be a mind game. But not a losing one. Like someone said every day sober is a victory. Having AA support really helped me, because like you I can easily talk myself or think myself into a drink.

Thought about a spiritual awakening by taking steps ?

Hey MB8.
The future is not written, my friend.
Just because you drank at the 6 month stage before does not mean you have to this time.
Part of you wants to "fail" as you put it, of course.
That's why you say "every time I get to six months I fail".
Try saying "in the past I've failed to get by the six month mark".
But you have a great advantage this time- you realise you're making excuses to drink.
It's only that addictive voice.
It doesn't want anything good for you.
Resist it.

I wish you well, amigo.

Thnx very much to all for all the responses. The crazy thing about this drinking thing is that in just the short 6 months that I've stopped drinking my life has improved immensely. Most importantly, no more awful hangovers. That in and off itself is worth the effort. Equally as important, my wife and kids look at me and treat me with so much more respect and love and both relationships continue to flourish. I received a huge promotion at work which I would have never had the courage to pursue had i still been stuck in the black hole of active addiction. And to top it all off we just bought a beautiful house on a beautiful lot and on an even more beautiful lake. More than I could have ever dreamed of. Yet as I sit there with my beautiful wife and watch my kids run in the yard with their youthful exuberance and innocence as the sun sets, what's the first thing that still pops into my head. " Man it would be nice to have a few pops ". The problem would be is a few would quickly turn into a dozen or more. I long for the day that isn't the first thing that comes to mind. With each passing day I feel as if that is closer to becoming a reality. Thanks again for all the kind words. Very grateful to be sober today. MB8

I found that once I realized that the notion of it being 'nice' was wrong, wrong because for me the 'nice' almost always lead to disaster and even if 'nice' happened it was really just setting up the next disaster, once I got that and confronted those thoughts , ackowledged the 'lie', the less it was presented.
Drinking to the levels that make it a problem is a progression, starving out the AV is a progression of sorts too. I still get the silly notion not as often and not as 'loud', but the more time that passes the easier it is to say' oh yeah right, did you forget Who you are trying to kid here, believe me it wont be pretty, go away , you know you are a moron" That kind of thing :)
wish you well

MB8, print out this post. ^^^^^^^ Make a bunch of copies. Leave them around so that they are handy when you are having those "6 month failure" thoughts. Your post is all you need to remember when/if you are feeling fragile.