ESD907

ok. if you've been reading this thread, you realize i've been super active lately. Thats not this issue. but maybe it ties in. MY aunt, my moms sister called me yesterday. I havent heard from her since mothers day, when I called her...those calls have beena 1 way street since my mother, her sister passed. SO I decided to see how long it would take. I've mailed her actual letters, and cards, so she knows i'm alive, etc. anyway. Yesterday she called...she was talking about my mother and our trip to Hawaii (back 25 years) what a great time blah blah. I was teary thinking about my mother alive. but you know what she did, she started talking about my dad. (my dad was alcoholic and he quit in my 15 year of life). She brought up every mean thing he ever said or did. I was hysteerical. I didn't know any of these things. MY mother took them to her grave. what gave this woman the right to tarnish my dads image in my eyes. What? why. WHY on earth did she do this to me? This was after I told her of my own cancer and of Thors cancer..and she still plopped it out there. WHAT THE ****. who does that? WHO? why did I need ti know my dad was a jerk when I was 11? why? did she think it would help me someway? I'm crying now just thinking of her cruelness. YET everyoen in our extended family thinks she is so 'great'. NO, she's a biting miserable person, who isnt' happy unless you are suffering. I will never and I mean never speak with her again. why?

zjw

I cant speak for the context how she said things. maybe she was just being informative and didnt mean anything by it? My one grand mother would tell me bad things about my father her son. but she would always be like oh i dont want to say.. or I just keep my mouth shut... it was not her nature to speak ill of other people but she did mention a few things my father had done I think she wanted me to be aware of what was going on when we where kids and her and my grandfathers role in matters I dont think she really wanted to to bash my father per say.

My grandmother on my moms side however has 0 issue draggen my old man through the mud over a nice family meal. She never has one good thing to say about the man.

and you know its not like my grand mother on my moms side is lieing or something. shes not making up some of the htings shes saying. But its simply all she focuses on. My father does indeed have those negative things she brings up. But he also has any other good points too.

In my case if she chooses to not see tose good points and make such an issue out of the bad points thats her problem not mine and I'm not going to make it my problem by getting mad about it or argueing about it with her.

if you allow it to get to you then you will carry around that same crappy feeling she must be carring around. I doubt you wanna feel that way. Your basicly allowing her to transfer her negative BS to you. You dont need to hold on to it.

she is what she is just leave it at that.

Sounds like you've managed to keep your distance from her maybe keep it that way? be nice be polite but stay at arms length. You dont need to take on more nonsense.

ESD907

zjw..you want to know the worst part... for years, she was my fav...cause we'd sit tight at affairs and she'd dish on everyone of my cousins. LITTLE did I know, the second I went to the bathroom or didnt attend, she was attacking me. What a freaking B. But, I allowed it, nO? I sort of knew what she was, but when it was about 'others' I was ok. SO part of me thinks I deserved it. BUT damn lady. MY dad died in January of 2003. HE was sober since 1978 and he gave a lot. IN fact you stupid bitch, he went to your home every weekend for months to give you a great kitchen. HE wired you entire home with electricity. HE did so much for you..and what did you do for him? YOU ****** with his only daughter, its all you did. YOU destroyed my good memories. YOU ******* bitch

Fly N Buy

Wow, sorry for this.....

Sounds like she is very ill ( at least in the spiritual sense )
We obviously can't pick our relatives, but they do not get a pass on their behavior to make us doormats!

You have every right to keep her out of your life......IF in a couple days this continues to really be upsetting, perhaps a note to her would help heal YOU.

Dear Auntie Arse,
Here are the great things I remember about my loving Father;................
Also, he obviously recognized his illness and overcame it! Wish others could do the same as they see fit with their malady's.

In the future, help me remember the positive things from my past - the others are simply hurtful and serve no purpose today.

Peace

ESD907

Thanks flyn...by dad was a good man...her making him a monster was horrible.

DearPrudence

Wow! What a witch! Two-faced, to boot. Sorry you had to hear all those things about your dad. Hopefully a lot of it was exaggerated! I like flyn's idea of a note. You don't even have to send it!

ESD907

thanks dearpru...by the way, thats one of my all time fav songs.

Gilmer

It would be good if you sent that calm but frank note. People sometimes need to be told that their behavior is offensive--otherwise they may be ignorant of it and go through life forever like that. I think most people think they're perfectly fine--people tend to naturally think they're great, and are usually shocked and embarrassed to find out they're actually *******s.

Maybe you will end up doing her a huge favor by setting her straight. If she rejects your gentle correction, then you will be free to write her off, knowing in good conscience that you've done everything you could to make the situation better.

ESD907

Gilmer....I don't think it would work with her. She thinks she is perfect and everyone tells her so. SHE is that neighbor who sends out the see's chocolates...SHE' is the 1st on the block to send flowers when someone has baby..she appears out of NOWHERE with the pan of fried chicken. SHE is that lady. I have to suffer in silcence....YET, I don't I have you guys.

Fly N Buy

It struck a chord with me as newly sober and working on repairing damage I may have done to my family. Hate to think that as time passes some scat relative would remind one of my loving children something from my distant past that no longer is relevant and doesn't reflect the light of who I am becoming ( became ).

We are only human.....perhaps Auntie Arse would like to share some of her skeletons!!!

peace

ESD907

flyn..dont'..as kids, we see our parents as superheros. MY dad could do not wrong..so this woman making it so was horrid. WHERE yesterday it amde me sad, it wont take away, the image of my father teaching me to surf. OR my dad taking me to Elmira NY to hangglide. or him walking me up to his boyhood home in alesund Norway. NO one will take that away. OR when after having hot coco, we came inside after covering the fig bushes, and we lied down on teh floor and colored snoopy pics. NO one will take it away. SHE is and will always be a Freaking B.

zjw

my wife has an aunt thats just down right nasty. thinks the world owes her something and is just mean to everyone. as a result no one calls her no one visits her etc.. shes in her 80's and still hasnt learned and probably never will. wierd thing is she loves me likes my wife too course my wife never calls her or anything either.

I think some people just get so set in there ways they will never change.

alphaomega

Hurting people hurt people.

BackToSquareOne

From the time I was a child I noticed that some people always seemed to lack the ability to feel empathy. You even see that in children, those that like to pick on the smaller kids, torture animals and things like that. I'm not sure if those are learned things or if some people are just wired differently.

ESD907

OK. all thru my years, my mother loved her siblings. I never understood her undying love, because I saw it differetnly...I saw on sister who was a taker. I saw one brother, who was only loyal when he benefitted. I saw one sister. OH YES THAT ONE. who was scathing. she used to talk aobut their brothers daughters...I thought I am immune because, well my aunt is my moms sis...its a girls club. My mothers/aunts bro married a girl from norway, and we just 'talked about them'. BY the way, my dad was from Norway too, . but he was a guy, for some reason it was diff. anyway, Aunt F wa always mean. I mean it. YES, she was that aunt who always had a gift, but she made you feel bad that you were a poor relation. she always saved the good gifts for teh rich relations. I personally think this is nuts.If I had the money, I'd want my poor relatives to have more, but thats me, not her..she was always showy. she'd come down to Florida every year, and grace us with her presence. MY mom loved her siblings. SO went along. WE would all act like we loved the crap she brought. meanwhile a few weeks ago, she brought walkmans to our other cousins who were richer. But we farm kids got candy, and we wer supposed to be happy about it. DON"T get me wrong, if we all got the same, no prob. But damn, we were farmers, not morons. and to add insult to injury. MY mother bought the house for her sister. that house is in Park Slope Brooklyn. That house my mother paid $39K CASH when her sister needed a place, because her husband was a jerk. that house is worth abouit $3million. And THIS woman puts my father down. THE man who bought her a home. THE man who one day picked her and her brood up off teh streets and gave them food and paid their rent. THIS woman had the ******* nerve to tell me my dad was bad.