behindblueyes

Hello all,

I am cutting way way back. Happy to report I am not the all day drinker I used to be. However I have noticed something...

I am off today. Last night, I could have drank whatever. I did not have to be up early or anything. I sat there and was bored with drinking. Went to bed.

On the nights where I have to get up for important event ______ at 5:30AM, my brain taunts me and I roll around in bed. It tells me I should get up and just have a few. Next thing I know, I am hungover at work and wondering what happened. This happens more than I would like to admit.

It's not stress. It's like my body likes to make me suffer in agony all day. I am just wondering if anyone else finds their brains "nag" them to drink only on nights when there is an important thing to do the next morning? Weird question I know.

DearPrudence

I don't think it's a weird question. My AV taunts me all the time w/ drinking more prior to important events. In my case, I think it's a ****-poor attempt to deal with the anticipatory stress I'm feeling.

sugarbear1

one of those self sabotaging alcoholism symptoms we have

we have to learn how not to self sabotage ourselves

lifereturning

. My AV would get more fierce right before bedtime after succeeding to not drink all day. It would tell me "you won't sleep without me, so what is the point of trying to sleep." Then 1 would become 3 or more.
The addiction part in the brain is sabotaging you. I think the only way to stop it is to get sober, properly. Sounds like you are already heading in the right direction.

Music

The "ism" is talking to you. That's how it works. I started out only drinking on weekends, then when I took a chance and drank during the week without any ill effects, I started drinking during the week and eventually, I was drinking all the time. People say drunks don't have any "will power". I beg to differ. I went to work some days feeling like I'd have to die to get well, and I see people all the time staying home because they have a headache.

Until you break the hold the "ism" has on you, nothing will change, that it doesn't get worse. Bethcha!!

doggonecarl

Don't know. Is your goal sobriety? Why do you listen to your brain and drink?

Soberpotamus

I did that too, and I think it's probably an avoidance/escape tactic, procrastination, self-sabotage (like Sugarbear said).

ScottFromWI

My guess is that it's because you are an alcoholic. In which case, cutting back is still drinking...and not a viable option for you. Perhaps going back and reading some of your old posts and the damage/loss alcohol has caused you might help?

Dee74

I think it's just part of alcoholism too. Any excuse is a good one.

Have to be up at 5,30am and can't sleep? take a chug.

Feel tried and listless when you do wake up? take another chug.

Job done? have a few more chugs to relax.

I'm really glad you've cut down BBE...but I think to be free of the beast once and for all you need to cut the cord entirely.

D

Soberwolf

this

EndGameNYC

I was an expert at this. Thus the smoldering bridges, shattered dreams, and broken promises in my rear view mirror.

There's a section in the AA Big Book that discusses this very issue, saying that we alcoholics "have a knack for getting drunk at the wrong times" such as, in my case, the night before a job interview, a critical presentation, or before an important event that my XGF had planned.

Makes me sick to think about it the few times I do, but as Dee and others have suggested, it's part of the deal we make when we don't take the necessary action to put down the drink.

ESD907

is it that voice that at 4a.m..when you know you have to get up at 5. the one that says, a drink will make it easier to get up? I know it well.