AlexEmk

Hey Poeple,

Day 5 sober! hooray for me!! very proud of myself, some aches and pains from the withdrawal is slowwwwwly fading away, i slept a little better last night, my skin has stopped iching, all is getting better....... BUT.......

There is a monster that's coming, and I'm stressed, big time!

The situation: my family in law are all heavy drinkers and usualy, a weekend with them is awesome, because i get to drink huge amounts, get totaly pissed drunk and still drink less then them, so makes me feel good... They are all alcoholics, but no one is adressing the situation and no one wants to change really... They all look at me and probably think that I'm the ''normal'' guy in the family, because i'm always the first drunk when we all drink together... anyways...

This weekend, we meet-up all together for a day with our kids and there will be beer all over the place... I can't lie or find an excuse not to go, it's for the kids and it will be fun...

I have 3 days to gather enough strategies and enough strenght to go there, sip on my sparkling water all day and not to take any alcohol...

The good old:''i don't know what's going on, stomac problems, I don't feel like it at all'' will probably do the trick... but I need more ''lies'' or exit doors...

any ideas?

Thanks!

anattaboy

I have to leave myself an out in those situations (all social situations) or at least a time limit. I will use an excuse with family (yup). Basically I will put me first. Just my 2 cents.

RumHound

Keep it simple. As simple as you possibly can, AE.

Best wishes for your engagement.

ScottFromWI

Most people really don't care one way or the other if you are drinking or not. As alcoholics we tend to vastly over-estimate that and think that others will care about our drinking habits. In reality, It's really just our addiction obsessing over it, others will most likely not even notice.

Using "no thank you" when being offered a drink will generally suffice in almost every instance. And if anyone does question why, just say that you'd prefer something else. It's really just that simple.

Remember that you are going to this event for your kids - spend your time with them and their activities, which don't involve drinking anyway.

AlexEmk

Oh god I love your way of seing things... maybe you're right, maybe I make a big thing out of it and it's that simple!

I hope you're right!

Thank you!

AlexEmk

... and just got the message that it will be postpone to the 5th of October! Thank god!! The more time I have without alcohol before going there, the stronger I will feel!

This news just made my day!

Climber122

I used to harp on people when we were drinking together to "catch up" or "drink more," and I certainly didn't think you were having any fun if you were having a Coke. But then, I'm an alcoholic! In recovery I've learned otherwise. It's true that people without alcoholism really, truly don't care whether you have a drink or not. Anyone who won't let it go is probably a fellow alcoholic, so it's possible you'll get a raised eyebrow from a family member if they have the disease as you say. This is the obsession aspect of alcoholism - that life can't possibly be fun without a drink, or that fun+drinking = increased fun. I've come to see that's a lie my disease had me believing. In recovery we come to find out that it was indeed US who were placing the social importance and feelings of acceptance on the act of a drink. If we think differently about it, then those feelings go away.

AlexEmk

Oh I'll get the raised eyebrow and the ''c'mon dude what's wrong with you'' a couple of times, but I guess it's part of my new life now and I won't let poeple attitude toward my decision affect me!

Thank you all for your support

CScott

The longer I am sober, the more I discover this to be true. I have been asked, and even though I didn't feel ready to "come clean" about the drinking problem, I was able to say a truth: I wanted to work on my health, and wanted to spend time sober. And that question didn't even arise until the very end of the night anyway! I worried so much about if people would "raise eyebrows" about me not drinking.

My initial feel is I don't like to be misleading or deceptive, but I have to think of my survival, and readiness to reveal such a detail about myself when I am ready. I hope your family would respect your decision to not drink, for whatever reason.

You can do this, and you know you can always turn to SR if you need some support, even if you need to escape for a short time at your event to get online.

dsmaxis10

I have the same problem my brother alcoholic drug attack bought a house and I have been helping him on the weekends I've been getting hammered on alcohol. Thing is I drink during the week to I've been sober three days but I know I have to talk to him this weekend. I'm just gonna tell him I can't handle being around drugs and alcohol for awhile and awhile gonna be longer then it takes him to finish his house.

joshlyman

My best advice would be to not go. I can't tell you how many times I got to day 5 only to relapse because I went to an event on the weekend where alcohol was present. I swore up and down I wouldn't drink but I always did. I always found a way to excuse my drinkingor convince myself that this time would be different, I'd only have 2 or 3. Got totally drunk every single time.

This cycle stopped for me when I finally put my foot down and refused to put myself in situations like that so early on in sobriety. Did I miss some get toegethers and potentially great times? Yes, and it sucked. But it is worth it in the long run. I always just figured hey, if I had gone, I would have gotten drunk, would have made a fool of myself, and the next morning wish I had just stayed home anyway.

Just my .02

Dee74

I know it's for the kids but it's still a big challenge. I'm glad it was postponed.
Could your wife and kids go without you at all?

D

PurpleKnight

If you didn't drink for religious reasons, no one would bat an eyelid and nor would you, but we tend to stress about these things a lot.

The reality when we were drinking was we cared more about what was in our glass more than what other people did, and we definitely didn't notice the other non drinkers in the room, everyone drank, right?!!

"I'm not drinking today" keeps things simple, sure there may be a few, "are you serious?" looks, but you need to start somewhere!!

kirstensmith

You could also tell a white lie and tell them you are on an antibiotic that you can't mix with alcohol.

kirstensmith

Or I've read you can make drinks look like drinks that aren't drinks. Have a diet coke/coke but no alcohol in it, but dress it up like a cocktail or dump out a bottle of beer, rinse it out really well (maybe put it in the dishwasher) and just drink water from it all day long.

I have a similar dilemma coming up as I will be going to Switzerland in February 2015/March 2015 and traveling with my Aunt who knows my weakness for wine, and loves to drink wine. I'm not sure how I am going to get through that vacation without drinking either.

Hawks

One day at a time.

I'm not drinking TODAY.

And repeat until they are gone.

I have found that works really well and that most people take no exception to it.

Those who do, just repeat the mantra above.

Don't lie, just tell the truth.

I'm not drinking TODAY.

Keep it simple.

trachemys

How 'bout: "My liver dialed 911".

esinger

The worst part about these things is all the stress and anxiety you put yourself worrying about it before hand. Things are usually never as bad as your mind makes them out to be ahead of time. I spent most my life worrying about what might happen and missed out on a lot in life.
What kills me is (and I was guilty) is that people have to get drunk at an event for kids. Well, I grew up around it and look how I turned out.lol
Usually the only reason people question you on not drinking is their own insecurities.
If you are too insecure in your sobriety, by all means don't go! That has to come first. If you do go preplan and leave yourself an out.

Don't waste your life stressing out over things that have not happened or might happen..
Good Luck

AlexEmk

debating the option with my GF tomorrow... I'm trying not to go... Thank god she understands, not ask much questions and just help me out in this battle...

kyle84

It is often unavoidable when you are residing within a family environment; I agree with you. However, it is you who you must care for; at least for the kids. Try to make them believe that you are no good with that habit. Just make them know one by one and not all at a time.