Sober and dealing with loss of my brother
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 3
Sober and dealing with loss of my brother
I have been sober since June 12th of this year. I can say that day changed my life forever. June 12th was the day my older brother (31yr old) was taken to the hospital for liver failure. No one had heard from him for a while so my mom went to check on him and found him jaundice. I went to the hospital that night and pretty much didnt leave until June 29th, the day he passed away from alcoholic hepatitis and bleeding in his brain.
The whole thing has been crazy and to see my brother go through what he did and for the doctors to tell him he was getting better (his liver was but they didnt know he was bleeding in his brain at the time) and then for him to put into an induced coma has changed me. He eventually feel into a real coma and passed away from liver and kidney failure. I saw him have a ten minute seizure that no one could do anything to stop and finally saw him take his last breath after a day of his blood pressure being 90/40.
I myself am only 26, but was on a 5-6 year binge of drinking til blacking out every night. I was heading down the same path as my brother. When i saw him in the hospital though i immediately stopped drinking, cold turkey. I had been through withdrawals before and they werent that bad this time so i knew i could make it. Drinking has caused me to lose jobs friends ect but mostly it made me so anxious i couldnt even go into the store to by the dang stuff. The anxiety has mostly passed but it is still there lingering around.
The reason for this post is just to have my story heard and to tell anyone that you can stop drinking but it is hard. I still have cravings everyday but i ignore them. I do believe maybe at some point in my life i will have another drink but i do not think i will ever go down the same path i was on again.
Thank you for reading my story and would love to hear back from you guys.
The whole thing has been crazy and to see my brother go through what he did and for the doctors to tell him he was getting better (his liver was but they didnt know he was bleeding in his brain at the time) and then for him to put into an induced coma has changed me. He eventually feel into a real coma and passed away from liver and kidney failure. I saw him have a ten minute seizure that no one could do anything to stop and finally saw him take his last breath after a day of his blood pressure being 90/40.
I myself am only 26, but was on a 5-6 year binge of drinking til blacking out every night. I was heading down the same path as my brother. When i saw him in the hospital though i immediately stopped drinking, cold turkey. I had been through withdrawals before and they werent that bad this time so i knew i could make it. Drinking has caused me to lose jobs friends ect but mostly it made me so anxious i couldnt even go into the store to by the dang stuff. The anxiety has mostly passed but it is still there lingering around.
The reason for this post is just to have my story heard and to tell anyone that you can stop drinking but it is hard. I still have cravings everyday but i ignore them. I do believe maybe at some point in my life i will have another drink but i do not think i will ever go down the same path i was on again.
Thank you for reading my story and would love to hear back from you guys.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Illinois
Posts: 230
Hi! I can totally relate to your story and am so sorry for your loss!
I too lost my brother to this. Hard to believe I could watch him go through what he did, watch him die, and continue on my path to destruction. We could have been twins. He was only 18 months older than me and died at the age of 42. He also had seizures, which is what took his life in the end. He fell, broke a rib, and it punctured his diaphragm.
I am glad to hear that you are changing your life for the better! You sound like a very strong person and you have your whole life ahead of you. Don't be like me and waste those great years. You have so much to look forward to and be proud of! I am so thankful to be sober today. Things do get better.
I appreciate you sharing your story and wish you all the best. You will find alot of support here and are not alone.
Welcome and sending you hugs! Feel free to PM me anytime if you need to talk.
I too lost my brother to this. Hard to believe I could watch him go through what he did, watch him die, and continue on my path to destruction. We could have been twins. He was only 18 months older than me and died at the age of 42. He also had seizures, which is what took his life in the end. He fell, broke a rib, and it punctured his diaphragm.
I am glad to hear that you are changing your life for the better! You sound like a very strong person and you have your whole life ahead of you. Don't be like me and waste those great years. You have so much to look forward to and be proud of! I am so thankful to be sober today. Things do get better.
I appreciate you sharing your story and wish you all the best. You will find alot of support here and are not alone.
Welcome and sending you hugs! Feel free to PM me anytime if you need to talk.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by FinallySober14 
but i do not think i will ever go down the same path i was on again.
I also lost my brother from suicide that was a direct result of alcoholism. He could not fight his demons. He is was 18.
I wanted to share with you my experience with my brother because I think you may be going through the same feelings. If not then feel free to disregard my post but I will post it because it may help someone and it helps me.
My brother was in and out of treatment when he was 16/17. He caused the family a lot of pain. In and out of treatments, arguments, school issues, counseling sessions. It went on and on. Because of all that I had a fear. Fear of drinking. Fear of being an alcoholic like him. Fear of putting my parents through what he was putting them through.
Because of this I did not drink. I had one drunk at 13 and that was right before the lid came off his problem so I did not drink again. My friends were all experimenting with alcohol and drugs but I didn't. I didn't because I was afraid of being like him.
Then when he died, that fear was back. Death due to alcoholism would cause anyone to run from the bottle. To never want to drink or to lay that bottle down if they did. I was not going to be my brother. I was not going to hurt the people around me. I was not going to die.
Three years later I was well on my own way to being an alcoholic. Once I got enough booze in me, that fear was gone. I still thought about him and his death and at times, played with it for sympathy. I blamed my parents and I blamed him. I did not understand alcoholism and when I finally reached out for help, I still did not understand it.
My point is that fear, for this alcoholic, only went so far. There are many that start their journey because of fear. Fear of losing a job, wife, kids, home, freedom or the death of a loved one. I am proof that alcohol will drown that fear in quick order.
Without some help and change, that fear will get smaller and smaller. The day may come, as it did for me, to say I am not the same. I am different. That won't happen to me. I spent a lot of time, while drinking, comparing myself to him and I had convinced myself I was different.
I was not different. Personality wise, yes. He was a boy, I am a girl. He was more rebellious, I was not. On and on.
The fact was that I am an alcoholic, just like he was. No worse, no better. The only difference was that I was still on this earth and he was not.
Look at the anger and sorrow. While they are painful they did not stop me from drinking and in fact helped me because they gave me an excuse. A pity party.
So, if I may suggest, take a look at that fear. It may not be around forever. It may be why many set down the bottle but without help to back it up, they may pick up again and once that happens, the fear is gone. All the reasons are gone and all that remains are the anger and resentment.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Thanks for sharing with us and I am very sorry for the tragic loss of your brother. Alcoholism is an awful disease, it kills thousands upon thousands who for some reason either don't see their problem or don't get the help they need.
Gracielou made some caring and considered observations and suggestions intended to help you, and I just want to support what she is saying. It sounds very much from your post that you may be at risk of the same thing happening to you. If you are an alcoholic of my type, all it will take is one drink to set it all in motion.
It doesn't have to happen, you can change course and posting here is a good start. Please stick around a while and read the experience of the other members and look at the similarities with your own experience. There are ways to recover and have an enjoyable sober life. I hope you can find what you need.
Gracielou made some caring and considered observations and suggestions intended to help you, and I just want to support what she is saying. It sounds very much from your post that you may be at risk of the same thing happening to you. If you are an alcoholic of my type, all it will take is one drink to set it all in motion.
It doesn't have to happen, you can change course and posting here is a good start. Please stick around a while and read the experience of the other members and look at the similarities with your own experience. There are ways to recover and have an enjoyable sober life. I hope you can find what you need.
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
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Sharing your ESH - experiences and strengths
about your own addiction of was and is like
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then they can too.
you can about addiction, alcoholism and
its affects on our minds, bodies and souls.
May you find strength, willingness and
courage to go to any lengths to remain
sober to live a healthy, happy, honest
life in recovery.
Sharing your ESH - experiences and strengths
about your own addiction of was and is like
before, during and after your drinking will
give others a new hope that if you can remain
sober under many different circumstances
then they can too.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 3
I just re-read your post and I got a lot more from it this time around. At first i didnt understand but now i do. For us alcoholics, maybe we need that fear. We need to be scared sh*tless of what it can and will do to us. I have been thinking for a couple months now of getting my brothers initials tattooed on the inside of my left wrist, so if i ever pick up a drink I will see his name and remember. Incase anyone was curious yes i am still sober, it will be four months in 4 days.
I miss my brother more than ever and i feel like i am forgetting the memories we have together, I remember them but they feel so distant.
I miss my brother more than ever and i feel like i am forgetting the memories we have together, I remember them but they feel so distant.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: North East, US
Posts: 2,310
Finally, I'm truly sorry for your loss. I'm dealing with tremendous grief and loss myself, you're not alone. Be proud you've stayed sober, for yourself and as an honor to your brother. I'm certain he's proud of his little sister!
There's a very helpful section on loss and grief here.
Keep talking and getting it out!
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/grief-loss/
There's a very helpful section on loss and grief here.
Keep talking and getting it out!
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/grief-loss/
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Newcastle
Posts: 908
I'm really sorry to hear of your loss. I can't imagine having to deal with that trauma. Huge respect and kudos to you for staying sober.
I can't offer any advice at this stage, please accept my thoughts and prayers.
All the best.
I can't offer any advice at this stage, please accept my thoughts and prayers.
All the best.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by FinallySober14
I just re-read your post and I got a lot more from it this time around. At first i didnt understand but now i do. For us alcoholics, maybe we need that fear. We need to be scared sh*tless of what it can and will do to us. I have been thinking for a couple months now of getting my brothers initials tattooed on the inside of my left wrist, so if i ever pick up a drink I will see his name and remember. Incase anyone was curious yes i am still sober, it will be four months in 4 days.
I miss my brother more than ever and i feel like i am forgetting the memories we have together, I remember them but they feel so distant.
I miss my brother more than ever and i feel like i am forgetting the memories we have together, I remember them but they feel so distant.
GracieLou's point is fear isn't enough. Fear may get one started, but....
Quote - start
My point is that fear, for this alcoholic, only went so far. There are many that start their journey because of fear. Fear of losing a job, wife, kids, home, freedom or the death of a loved one. I am proof that alcohol will drown that fear in quick order.
Without some help and change, that fear will get smaller and smaller. The day may come, as it did for me, to say I am not the same. I am different. That won't happen to me. I spent a lot of time, while drinking, comparing myself to him and I had convinced myself I was different.
End
please remember this as time passes. Words of wisdom
Stay with us and keep posting....
peace
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 554
I know Flyn. I know the loss. the Last couple years, I've felt it more than I thought I could stand. DOES it end? I don't think so. I think we need it to end to save ourselves, otherwise we get lost in it. DON"T be like me. I felt I was living in a tornado of grief. But facing it all, head on is the only way. I have one really special brother Flyn, if something happened to him, I don't know what would happend to me honestly. But, hopefully in his memory, I'd stay strong, take care of his wife/kids..and I'd be the 'strong' one. I'm back on day one again last week. after what I thought was an easy few years of sobriety. I take nothing for granted.
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