Was sober almost 430 days. Thinking about quitting again
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 13
Was sober almost 430 days. Thinking about quitting again
Wow it's been a long time since I last posted.
I was sober for 430 days and gave it up in March. To be honest this is not a failure. I did not set out to "quit for good." I wanted to quit for a year and I did. And then because it would be so stupid to quit for a year and then run out and get a drink for no reason, I kind of waited for a special occasion. When it came, I took it and drank, and had 2 glasses of wine.
Since then I had been steadily going back to my old habits. I drink much less frequently than I did before, but definitely the same intensity if not a lot worse (actually it almost certainly is a lot worse). So that's probably more dangerous. I'm actually not too concerned at the moment, I have my stuff together. I just feel like I could be doing so much more with my life. I have a really good job and financial security, but whenever I drink I'm unproductive the next day or two. I get really upset when I think about all the time I wasted drinking. More so than the embarrassing or dangerous stuff I did. I could have written a book, started a business, write the next viral app, became a painter, recorded my own CD, made an indie film. Heck I probably could have done ALL of those things had I not drank. And the money I spent? Don't even get me started.
So what if I stoppe drinking for like 10 years, and used that time productively? The thing is, even when I was sober I wasted my time watching TV and stuff like that.
I dunno. I think I'm going to quit for another year. I have ... like, 2 weeks right now? A year is manageable. 10 years is a really long time. A lifetime is impossible. Let's see what happens.
I was sober for 430 days and gave it up in March. To be honest this is not a failure. I did not set out to "quit for good." I wanted to quit for a year and I did. And then because it would be so stupid to quit for a year and then run out and get a drink for no reason, I kind of waited for a special occasion. When it came, I took it and drank, and had 2 glasses of wine.
Since then I had been steadily going back to my old habits. I drink much less frequently than I did before, but definitely the same intensity if not a lot worse (actually it almost certainly is a lot worse). So that's probably more dangerous. I'm actually not too concerned at the moment, I have my stuff together. I just feel like I could be doing so much more with my life. I have a really good job and financial security, but whenever I drink I'm unproductive the next day or two. I get really upset when I think about all the time I wasted drinking. More so than the embarrassing or dangerous stuff I did. I could have written a book, started a business, write the next viral app, became a painter, recorded my own CD, made an indie film. Heck I probably could have done ALL of those things had I not drank. And the money I spent? Don't even get me started.
So what if I stoppe drinking for like 10 years, and used that time productively? The thing is, even when I was sober I wasted my time watching TV and stuff like that.
I dunno. I think I'm going to quit for another year. I have ... like, 2 weeks right now? A year is manageable. 10 years is a really long time. A lifetime is impossible. Let's see what happens.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 13
By the way, I'm not saying this will work for everyone - but I had a LOT of anxiety. When I quit for a year and made a couple of other changes (regarding who I spend time with), all of my anxiety completely DISAPPEARED. Literally all of it. Even now, I can drink and I have no anxiety or panic attacks. I hope that's good motivation for someone. Of course quitting won't do that for everyone but it may work for you.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
The thing is, even when I was sober I wasted my time watching TV and stuff like that.
I didn't want to go back to drinking- ever - it was killing me, so I changed my life - not only people places and things, but the way I dealt with good and bad, and the way I thought about myself.
It was a lot of work - anbd I had a lot of help from SR and some counselling but to me it's been worth it many times over.
I don't want to take a break from drinking. I genuinely prefer not drinking. My current life is predicated on that.
I get forever is a scary concept, but living your life in alternating blocks of on/off, good/bad, seems even scarier to me?
Are you looking for some magic formula that allows you to both drink and be productive/happy?
D
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
I was always making big plans for myself when I was drinking -- always -- none of which I actually pursued. Sobriety allowed me to stop wasting my time analyzing myself and instead discover who I am through what I do. And I've done a lot.
With all due consideration, this continuous dystopia that you've set up for yourself -- shuttling yourself back-and-forth between two unsatisfying and ostensibly temporary destinations -- doesn't sound like much of a life to me.
If this is the life you want, spending a good deal of your time on the same couch in each of your alternate realities, then you already know what to do. If not, something different needs to be done.
With all due consideration, this continuous dystopia that you've set up for yourself -- shuttling yourself back-and-forth between two unsatisfying and ostensibly temporary destinations -- doesn't sound like much of a life to me.
If this is the life you want, spending a good deal of your time on the same couch in each of your alternate realities, then you already know what to do. If not, something different needs to be done.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Originally Posted by AtlantaAlcy 
I took it and drank, and had 2 glasses of wine.
Since then I had been steadily going back to my old habits. I drink much less frequently than I did before, but definitely the same intensity if not a lot worse (actually it almost certainly is a lot worse).
So what if I stoppe drinking for like 10 years, and used that time productively? The thing is, even when I was sober I wasted my time watching TV and stuff like that.
I dunno.
Since then I had been steadily going back to my old habits. I drink much less frequently than I did before, but definitely the same intensity if not a lot worse (actually it almost certainly is a lot worse).
So what if I stoppe drinking for like 10 years, and used that time productively? The thing is, even when I was sober I wasted my time watching TV and stuff like that.
I dunno.
hi.
If you are an alcoholic and continue to drink, seeing alcoholism is a progressive disease, we don’t usually get recovery with its benefits included. Also when we relapse there is no guarantee we can ever stop again. By the numbers most don’t. very unfortunate.
For many of us looking forward to a year or years is overwhelming because we only have today with all that represents.
For a period of time I had what is called terminal uniqueness until it almost killed me.
BE WELL
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
FROM A REHAB SITE
Each individual is unique in many ways but sometimes this feeling of specialness can get in the way. It can prevent people from seeing the reality of their situation and can be used as a form of denial. A good example of this is the cigarette smoker who is able to continue their habit even though they hear about so many people dying of lung cancer. They console themselves with the idea, it will never happen to me – I’m different. This is a dangerous way to think but unfortunately it is all too common. This type of mentality can be particularly strong for people involved in addictive behaviors. It not only keeps them trapped in the substance abuse, but it can also derail any attempt they make at recovery.
Each individual is unique in many ways but sometimes this feeling of specialness can get in the way. It can prevent people from seeing the reality of their situation and can be used as a form of denial. A good example of this is the cigarette smoker who is able to continue their habit even though they hear about so many people dying of lung cancer. They console themselves with the idea, it will never happen to me – I’m different. This is a dangerous way to think but unfortunately it is all too common. This type of mentality can be particularly strong for people involved in addictive behaviors. It not only keeps them trapped in the substance abuse, but it can also derail any attempt they make at recovery.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Daytona Beach, FL
Posts: 425
Very interesting post. Thanks for posting your experience. I've often wondered "Maybe in a few years I can drink" But I think that's the obsession with every abnormal drinker. I like how you said nothing really great happened since you started drinking, then again nothing great was happening when you weren't drinking (watching a lot of TV). I think I'm coming the the conclusion that this is just what "normal" people do. Seems like a hamster wheel to me and bored out of my mind sometimes. I've been told get a volunteer job, get a second job, get a hobby. *sigh* Personally, I relapsed a few times trying to get that "normal drinking" and each time it just got bad within a couple of weeks. I don't like how alcohol makes me feel - nausea, anxiety, etc. And if it just gets worse, I hate to think how I'm going to feel. Maybe you aren't an alcoholic? I do know when I'm drinking my spiritual connection is totally shut down - do you feel you were less connected to people and your spirituality when you were drinking as opposed to not?
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