How will I know when I can go near alcohol again?
 

I've quit drinking for a week now. And my plan is to stay away from everything and everybody that I associate with alcohol, because these are usually the moments I start drinking again.

But it also gives me a dilemma.

I just can't stay away from everything related to alcohol for the rest of my life. Someday I will be in a situation where alcohol is involved (and I cannot run away from the situation.)

How would you people do this? How do you know when you can handle being around alcohol again, and should you slowly train yourselfself in this?

I decided to take as much time as I needed away from alcohol.

I needed to put clear distance between the man I had been and the m,an I wanted to be.

I waited until I was sure nothing or none could sway me. I waited until I was sure I wanted to be, preferred being sober...

that took a few months and a bit of work and effort building a sober life that interested and challenged me.

I'm glad I took that time out tho :)



There's no need to be a hermit, but I think there is a need to make tough decisions about where you go and who with for a while.

Make recovery your priority.

You may miss a few shindigs but there'll be others, when you're stronger and have worked up a fine pair of what I call 'sobriety muscles'.

D

Hi.
I look at it as an honesty question to myself as to how important is it in your life? There are certain suggestions involved in getting sober and one thing we need to do is make changes in our lifestyle and that includes staying away from “slippery places” which means places that have alcohol present. After a period, depending on the person a gradual visit may be comfortable. Early on if a situation demands your presence it’s suggested to have someone with you that understands the situation.
This is a serious situation and I’ve seen too many over the years never able to stay sober because they didn’t change their procedures.

BE WELL

I took as long as it took to stop obsessing about the fact that I was in recovery, if that makes any sense.

I gave myself 6 months or so. My husband cleared out all the alcohol from home, and I didn't put myself in situations with alcohol unless absolutely necessary.

I am not in AA but there is a good saying "half measures availed us nothing". I built my life up gradually around drinking, there really wasn't a plan or a deliberateness about it. There sorta had to be a deliberateness about the disengagement though. Someone here posted the idea of "acting our way into thinking". That really resonated with me. I spent so many drunken nights writing lists of things I wanted to do…only to fall flat on the execution. I realized I could sit around forever and think about getting sober but it was in the acting that a new mindset would arise.

I spent a lot of time on here, told family and friends whom I trusted, and distanced myself from situations that I felt would cause me to feel like I was missing something. As I started to get more comfortable in my new skin, I felt more and more comfortable expanding my boundaries.

My life will never be the same as it was when I was drinking. But my life would not have stayed still if I had continued drinking, it would have deteriorated. Best case would have meant maintaining a status quo which was a flat numbness. But in reality that flat numbness would have given way to absolute misery. I think the negative consequences begin to accelerate the longer we stay active in our addiction.

We all have different aspects to our lives..it is what we choose to give our attention and focus to that help define us. For me, sobriety meant shifting my focus to pieces of my life I had neglected.

I also realized that by running to the bottle to solve everything I had strengthened the part of my brain that sought immediate gratification. That part took work, and still does. It gets easier, but I have to be very conscious of how often I am looking for the softer, easier way even when it isn't in my best interest.

I used to get annoyed when people talked about how central sobriety was to their lives. I get that now. But it becomes part of the fabric of who you are. It is like breathing, it is crucial and central, but we are usually not focused on it. It sustains us, but none of us take it for granted.

I have no regrets about distancing myself from alcohol at the outset. I know without a doubt it was one of the most important reasons I became increasingly comfortable with sobriety. Congrats on your week!!!

This^^^^^
I agree 100% with everything Jaynie said. Without distancing myself from those situations where alcohol was present I wouldn't be sober today. It takes time to accept this and sometimes I really felt like I was missing out. However, was I really missing out? Absolutely not.

I agree with everything already said. Only thing I feel I can add is that it was good for me that I had it pounded in my head that I was allowed to walk out of any place that I felt even the least bit uncomfortable. And I was aloud to do so without making any mention of it to anyone. For me, this was a life or death thing. No joke. If I felt that there was any possible way that a situation might lead me to drinking, or even wanting to drink... It was fine for me to slip out the back door. My sobriety was that important. And I did exactly that. More than once. And wasn't questioned about it either. If I was, I'd have said I felt really sick and had to run... Which wouldn't have been too much of a stretch from the truth.

I would stay away until my alcoholism was treated.

Untreated alcoholism is progressive and fatal.

You can't hole up in your house or move to the Arctic Circle....so a PLAN is your next move. There are many ways to achieve permanent sobriety. Pick one and do it 100%.

What is your PLAN?

I think Jayne nailed it on the head.

Everybody is different in how and when they feel safe to have alcohol near them, and not drink. For some, it's never and I imagine there is a process to go through with accepting that about themselves.

Into about a month for me, one of my best friends had his 30 bday. I knew it would involve drinking. I was split and scared: on one hand I love spending time with my friends, and I was also nervous about coping with it, as I had not built enough confidence to disclose my issues with alcohol. What I did was declare early to a friend that I would be the designated driver, and that friend could drink as much as he wanted. My friends are important to me, so I told myself I would never, ever want to put joe's (the friend I went with the get together) life at risk. So I went and didn't drink.

I was nervous my friends would ask about my non-drinking. Really played it up in my head. The friend the get together was for, his girlfriend, asked why I wasn't drinking (after several hours, and I had just met her a couple times prior). I said I was on a health kick. Which is true. But she was the only one to ask, that time.

The whole time I saw the alcohol, but I told myself "no, not tonight. I have a job. I have to ensure all my friends' safety, as much as I could, especially with driving."

Since then, I've spent time with my friends a few more times, with drinking sometimes involved. It did seem easier the next couple times through.

But then, this is only my experience. I was a month dry. I really just had SR as a source of support to get through it. But I did it. Last time I was around my friends and alcohol, and decided not to drink again, and I made sure I told myself 'good job' afterwards.

I don't think, and I wouldn't recommend, that small amount of time before feeling safe around alcohol. Though, if and when you decide to be in a setting where alcohol will be, I found making a public commitment to something (sobriety) made it easier for me to stay accountable, as well as keeping what's valued (friends) in mind.

I would also recommend examining the relationship friends...in my case, they are my friends, and I used to drink with them, we had other things that made us all friends...as opposed to 'friends' where the primary purpose was to have somebody to drink with.

you'll probably know when your ready. I can sit in a resturant now that serves alcohol and be ok. I can go into a bar and pick up food but I dunno that i'd eat in a bar. I'm not afraid i'll drink I just dont like that atmosphere anymore. I could probably go into a beer store adn buy some for someone else even but I won't because it just doesnt feel right to me. I figure if someone wants me to purchase them booze they can get it themselves.

I can shop in a grocery store that sells it tho as I pass by i do think all sorts of thoughts what it might be like to drink again oh remember that brand it sure was tasty wonder if there is a sale today etc.. I'll just keep pushing the cart and walken by.

but yea there was a time i went to a bar to pick up some food i had less then a year sobriety and i was twitchen in that bar seeing those draft beers and people seemingly enjoying themselves and the smell of the cigarettes I dunno how i made it out of htere without pulling up a stool and ordering a drink I have not been back to a bar since.

Sometimes it's unavoidable when there are family gatherings and such. It becomes easier after a while but everyone's timescale is different. xxx

Great job on the week sober. I'm at the 1 week mark as well.

My test run is coming up tomorrow night, big annual trap shoot with a reception party afterwards.
Lots of alcohol there and lots of my friends and acquaintances that really tie it on at this so my plan is to participate in the comp. make an appearance at the party and be in bed by ten pm.

I believe I'm ready.

Congrats on 1 week. It's common for alcoholics in early recovery to wring their hands about being around alcohol in the future! It's a natural worry...because we've been around alcohol so often in the past, it became a big part of our lives. We are simply hard-wired to believe that alcohol will be all around us moving forward!

It turns out that's not necessarily true. I spend my free time at coffee shops, the grocery store, and even go out to dinner on the weekends. Aside from a few billboards and shops, I rarely even see alcohol.

For now, I'd treat alcohol and anyone drinking it like kryptonite. That's what worked for me. Just stay away from it. I'm 2+ years sober and I still avoid the grocery store aisle with all the wine and booze, and probably will for a long time. I'd advise that you certainly stay away from bars or pubs. Trust me, you're not "missing out" on anything. Start developing a pattern of doing things that won't put alcohol in your line of sight. Get used to a world without alcohol. There's a lot out there you might have been missing in the past. Explore it! Good luck and good questions! :)

I work in the alcohol industry and literally stare at it all day, every day, for a living. I used to drink daily, ridiculous amounts. I used the fact that I was around it all the time as an excuse to be out of control. I started not drinking every day, and that eventually evolved into not drinking on weeknights. Now I'm at a point where I'm going to give it up completely, not because I have to, but because I want to. I still stare at it all day, but now it's different. It's like an old girlfriend I used to love, but now when I see her, I just don't have those feelings anymore. I don't know if I'll slip, or if I'll make it all the way and never look back, but I refuse to submit to the idea that I'm not in control of me, no matter how much alcohol I'm surrounded by.

Tough question you ask. Honestly it all depends on the person. I was able to be around it rather quickly with no craving to have some.

If you do not trust yourself just yet I would say avoid it. 1 week in is pretty fresh so I would say ask yourself this question again when you hit a month. You will likely know when you can be around it, maybe not 100% sure but at least 80%. Good luck.

As my husband is still an active A, I had to get sober in a home with lots of alcohol in it. I think it was harder than if I had been in an alcohol free home but within quite a short time, I didn't even notice either the bottles in the cupboard or the glasses of wine about the place.

Very hard to get sober when your s/o is an active alcoholic, I commend you.

Thank you. I appreciate that very much. :tyou

I am about 4 years sober.

The program I live by brought me a complete psychic change. It seemed like the world changed really. Suddenly the whole drinking scene, the people, the atmosphere, the idea that this was life, just lost all it attraction. I became interested in the real world and alcohol was no longer in the picture.

I have zero interst in the old drinking scene. I have much better things to do. But I frequently attend social events where alcohol is served, I even owned a restaurant for a couple of years and it never occurs to me to take a drink. To quote the Big Book " we handle these situations everyday. The alcoholic who cannot handle it still has an alcoholic mind".

At the start, my alcoholic life was the only normal one and I could not imagine any other kind of life. Now I live a life that I never knew existed. Alcohol just ain't part of it.

Congratulations on your week 1 sober!

It took about ten months before I felt comfortable around alcohol and people drinking.