I "borrowed" alcohol and need advice.....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 4
I "borrowed" alcohol and need advice.....
I'm new, scared and feel lost. While house sitting for a casual friend/neighbor I drank some of there alcohol. I planned on replacing it but they returned home early. Everyone close to me thinks I'm sober. If my husband finds out I am afraid he will leave me. I'm too embarrassed to tell my neighbor. But I'm afraid she might mention something to me, tell one of my friends, or tell my husband. All would be disastrous. What to do? Any advice is appreciated. Drinking makes me not have to think about it which causes crazy anxiety. But I want to quit, really.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: illinois
Posts: 907
hello. this is a good place to reach out.
my first reaction is to come clean to the friend/neighbor. tell them youre struggling a bit, and plan to fix things.-both the missing product, and your larger issue.
then tell spouse. better feelings will result all-around if you come out, rather than get busted. plus you can diffuse the anx. related to waiting for something bad to happen.
if you are sincere, and want to fix the bigger problem, most folks will give you a chance.
-opinion only (based in some experience).
my first reaction is to come clean to the friend/neighbor. tell them youre struggling a bit, and plan to fix things.-both the missing product, and your larger issue.
then tell spouse. better feelings will result all-around if you come out, rather than get busted. plus you can diffuse the anx. related to waiting for something bad to happen.
if you are sincere, and want to fix the bigger problem, most folks will give you a chance.
-opinion only (based in some experience).
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 4
Yeah. It was so hard to come out of the shadows for me and be honest. I usually just lied, and eventually would get caught. When I was forthright things tended to go better than when I got caught...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum!! 
Either way addressing the reason as to why you drank and re committing to Sobriety needs to be the priority!!
Sobriety cleared up all that sneaking around, worrying about other people, all that anxiety, life got a whole lot simpler!!
Either way addressing the reason as to why you drank and re committing to Sobriety needs to be the priority!!
Sobriety cleared up all that sneaking around, worrying about other people, all that anxiety, life got a whole lot simpler!!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Hi Hopeful. Glad you wanted to talk about it.
I agree with the others. I always lied and hid my addiction, but when I finally decided to come clean and be honest it felt so good. It will be helpful for you to relieve the stress you're under. Please don't feel ashamed. We've all been there, one way or another. I drank all my life and did some awful, out-of-character things. You can get through this and rise above it. We're with you.
I agree with the others. I always lied and hid my addiction, but when I finally decided to come clean and be honest it felt so good. It will be helpful for you to relieve the stress you're under. Please don't feel ashamed. We've all been there, one way or another. I drank all my life and did some awful, out-of-character things. You can get through this and rise above it. We're with you.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
Use the memory of that shame to keep you sober. Be honest with your friend. Offer to pay for what you drank.
What are you doing in your life to stay sober? Do you go to meetings or see a counselor? What about outpatient rehab?
I see a counselor and she's been very helpful to me, both in staying sober and in living my life.
You can do this.
What are you doing in your life to stay sober? Do you go to meetings or see a counselor? What about outpatient rehab?
I see a counselor and she's been very helpful to me, both in staying sober and in living my life.
You can do this.
AA member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: United Kingdom.
Posts: 3,007
If you want to stay sober,honesty is a must.
Face the fear and tell your neighbour.I once walked out of someone's house with an expensive bottle of spirits,I passed out when I got in and never drank it.When I returned the bottle my friend said he watched me taking it!it is embarrassing but need never happen to you again.
Face the fear and tell your neighbour.I once walked out of someone's house with an expensive bottle of spirits,I passed out when I got in and never drank it.When I returned the bottle my friend said he watched me taking it!it is embarrassing but need never happen to you again.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 320
Shame and fear were the two emotions I mastered during my drinking, and in the early recovery.
I was told by someone here, in my very early weeks of recovery, that "it sounds to me like everything you have to be ashamed of happened in the past". Reading that helped me let go of the shame and focus on moving forward and putting my energy into making a future for myself that didn't involve shame.
Another great thing I was told by a counsellor back when I was still drinking but in the process of quitting helped me with my sobriety. I said something that amounted to "I'm not proud of who I am, because good people don't do this" (this was obvious to me, I was so ashamed of who I was), and she said very genuinely "This doesn't make you a bad person, you shouldn't be ashamed of who you are. You have made bad decisions on how to deal with certain things in your life, but that doesn't make you a bad person". I found a lot of strength in this - the shame was from my actions, not who I was - and it's one of the things that really helped me to get sober.
Keep posting here - you're not alone.
I was told by someone here, in my very early weeks of recovery, that "it sounds to me like everything you have to be ashamed of happened in the past". Reading that helped me let go of the shame and focus on moving forward and putting my energy into making a future for myself that didn't involve shame.
Another great thing I was told by a counsellor back when I was still drinking but in the process of quitting helped me with my sobriety. I said something that amounted to "I'm not proud of who I am, because good people don't do this" (this was obvious to me, I was so ashamed of who I was), and she said very genuinely "This doesn't make you a bad person, you shouldn't be ashamed of who you are. You have made bad decisions on how to deal with certain things in your life, but that doesn't make you a bad person". I found a lot of strength in this - the shame was from my actions, not who I was - and it's one of the things that really helped me to get sober.
Keep posting here - you're not alone.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Friends aren't gonna care that you drank something while house sitting I don't think.
Unless it's like a ten thousand dollar bottle of wine, buy a new bottle, give it to them, and simply be honest. Say, hey I had some of this while you were gone, but since you got home early I didn't get a chance to replace it, and you caught me. I think most people should laugh that off. No big deal.
The big deal is you are drinking. And that is something that you need to address. But drinking of friends alcohol? I wouldn't even think twice if they are true friends. If they aren't alcoholics, it's not likely even important to them.
The underlying issue,the big issue, is your lying, your shame,your slip.
Unless it's like a ten thousand dollar bottle of wine, buy a new bottle, give it to them, and simply be honest. Say, hey I had some of this while you were gone, but since you got home early I didn't get a chance to replace it, and you caught me. I think most people should laugh that off. No big deal.
The big deal is you are drinking. And that is something that you need to address. But drinking of friends alcohol? I wouldn't even think twice if they are true friends. If they aren't alcoholics, it's not likely even important to them.
The underlying issue,the big issue, is your lying, your shame,your slip.
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