Hi again
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: US
Posts: 524
Hi again
Hello everyone! Some of you might remember me, I've been off and on this forum over the year. Unfortunately the same goes for my recovery.... 
For all who are new, hi, i'm an alcoholic. I'm a binge drinker. I started off drinking every other weekend or so a few years ago always in excess. Then it was every weekend, needing more and more to get the same effect (my goal was always get pass out drunk) When I started drinking vodka (can't remember when) I've found myself losing total control as my weekend binges almost always turned into 3-5 day benders.
I've been quietly reading and gaining support from here. I've hit my 2 weeks sober date today which is nothing new, but each day sober is a gift.
This time around I have taken a 2 month leave from work with my bosses approval and understanding to focus 100% on sobriety. I'm also going to AA meetings which I don't like so far. I think it may be my AV telling me I don't like AA meetings haha. so I'm going to keep going!
Glad to be back on the wagon! it's a much happier place to be. Holding on for dear life!
For all who are new, hi, i'm an alcoholic. I'm a binge drinker. I started off drinking every other weekend or so a few years ago always in excess. Then it was every weekend, needing more and more to get the same effect (my goal was always get pass out drunk) When I started drinking vodka (can't remember when) I've found myself losing total control as my weekend binges almost always turned into 3-5 day benders. I've been quietly reading and gaining support from here. I've hit my 2 weeks sober date today which is nothing new, but each day sober is a gift.
This time around I have taken a 2 month leave from work with my bosses approval and understanding to focus 100% on sobriety. I'm also going to AA meetings which I don't like so far. I think it may be my AV telling me I don't like AA meetings haha. so I'm going to keep going!
Glad to be back on the wagon! it's a much happier place to be. Holding on for dear life!
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Hi Hawk! Its me, LTV! Your sober friend (who used to have a Degas avatar) 
Great to see you back. It sounds like you have the makings of a successful plan for soberness. What have you been doing for relaxation? Art? Good books? Netflix? Do tell
Seriously though. I'm glad your are back. The sober life is so much better, IMHO.
Great to see you back. It sounds like you have the makings of a successful plan for soberness. What have you been doing for relaxation? Art? Good books? Netflix? Do tell
Seriously though. I'm glad your are back. The sober life is so much better, IMHO.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: US
Posts: 524
Hello LTV! I'm so glad to see you're still here! Long walks with the dog, drawing (i've been drawing mandalas) and I'm really into a couple of cheesy tv shows I'm too embarrassed to reveal. I have netflix so plenty to choose from!
I have a horrendous craving for sweets which isn't surprising so I've been baking a lot! Banana bread, apple cinnamon bread, brownies and oatmeal cookies so far.
Thank you all. Really happy to be back.
I have a horrendous craving for sweets which isn't surprising so I've been baking a lot! Banana bread, apple cinnamon bread, brownies and oatmeal cookies so far.
Thank you all. Really happy to be back.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by Hawk07 
I'm also going to AA meetings which I don't like so far.
while there we look for the similarities
good luck
MM
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Originally Posted by Hawk07
I'm also going to AA meetings which I don't like so far. I think it may be my AV telling me I don't like AA meetings haha. so I'm going to keep going!
Glad to be back on the wagon! it's a much happier place to be. Holding on for dear life!
Glad to be back on the wagon! it's a much happier place to be. Holding on for dear life!
In the beginning I disliked meetings also for many reasons. I knew I’d be losing my best friend, how would I escape all my problems, what do I do when/if…………….., I might be seen at a meeting, how could I live without drinking and on and on.
I don’t suffer well and because of several events learned that alcohol was/is my real enemy besides my thinking process.
I embraced the program and a lot of years later would not trade todays worse day with any best day when I was drinking. It’s my daily medicine for an incurable disease.
The results came from a lot of work and changes that continue today. As is said “it works IF we work it.”
BE WELL
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: US
Posts: 524
I am utterly depressed and ashamed... Yes I feel off the wagon. I feel like a broken record stuck on a really annoying sound. 
Back to day one. I haven't given up hope that I can do this. Thank you for all of your support, it helps just being able to confess this.
Back to day one. I haven't given up hope that I can do this. Thank you for all of your support, it helps just being able to confess this.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,867
Hi Hawk; I remember you!!!! Welcome back. Very nice to see you.
Maybe try posting before you reach for a drink; you will find a ton of caring people who will help you work through the moment.
Maybe try posting before you reach for a drink; you will find a ton of caring people who will help you work through the moment.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Hi, I remember you - good to see you back!
On your other thread last weekend you had some nice plans and perspectives. Maybe go back to that, and this time try to break it down to solid plans of action. For each day, at least initially. Don't focus on shame and negative feelings but on an action plan instead, something not too overwhelming.
You also said that you don't like AA but are determined to keep going. That's probably a good thing; even if you don't like the program conceptually, you may still have the opportunity to talk with others face-to-face, probably find a sympathetic person or two even if you don't want to get a sponsor right away.
I would also try other things that you feel more comfortable with and can commit to, not sure what possible treatment options you have investigated? Keep posting here consistently, especially when you are feeling the worst and before you pick up... if not on the public board, contact specific individuals you feel you relate to. I used the heck out of SR in the beginning and it was tremendously helpful. And "met" some really great people as a bonus
Also, you probably are at least a bit familiar with your urges to drink, triggers, etc. My drink of choice was also mostly vodka in the last couple years at least - evil liquid and habit! Probably the most important thing for me in my first few months was to get to know myself regarding this and have a variety of options what to do when the cravings hit, because I had some real monster ones. There are tons of suggestions for this on SR.
Having 2 months to focus solely on your recovery is a true gift, please take advantage of it, you can do this!
On your other thread last weekend you had some nice plans and perspectives. Maybe go back to that, and this time try to break it down to solid plans of action. For each day, at least initially. Don't focus on shame and negative feelings but on an action plan instead, something not too overwhelming.
You also said that you don't like AA but are determined to keep going. That's probably a good thing; even if you don't like the program conceptually, you may still have the opportunity to talk with others face-to-face, probably find a sympathetic person or two even if you don't want to get a sponsor right away.
I would also try other things that you feel more comfortable with and can commit to, not sure what possible treatment options you have investigated? Keep posting here consistently, especially when you are feeling the worst and before you pick up... if not on the public board, contact specific individuals you feel you relate to. I used the heck out of SR in the beginning and it was tremendously helpful. And "met" some really great people as a bonus
Also, you probably are at least a bit familiar with your urges to drink, triggers, etc. My drink of choice was also mostly vodka in the last couple years at least - evil liquid and habit! Probably the most important thing for me in my first few months was to get to know myself regarding this and have a variety of options what to do when the cravings hit, because I had some real monster ones. There are tons of suggestions for this on SR.
Having 2 months to focus solely on your recovery is a true gift, please take advantage of it, you can do this!
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