SonomaGal

For most of this sobriety journey, I've had some issue with one friend or another. One was a huge drinker who didn't respect my sobriety and would text me to bring her beer (um no) or drink a bottle plus of wine in front of me. Another was an old friend who moved back to to town her husband was weird and passive aggressive toward me every time I visited. One was a codependent who repeatedly flaked on plans at the last minute and used her husband as an excuse. One was an old friend who unexpectedly turned mean and I didn't know how to address it. And the last is a friend whose life is truly always in chaos, partly because of heavy drinking by her and her boyfriend. I have been out if touch with her (avoiding) and now she's guilt tripping me.

Some of these issues directly involve alcohol, ex drinking friends, some don't, though I've drank with every single one of them at some point.

So, I've made all the "appropriate" changes in regards to the drinking friends, and basically am avoiding drama to the best of my ability. I'm putting my sobriety and sanity first. Rationally I know what to do, and I do what I can to let go and keep my side of the street clean, etc. But emotionally these situations completely trigger a major guilt complex and make me feel terrible! I've really suffered from PAWs, and I'm wondering if this emotional overreaction and obsessive guilt is related? Any thoughts on how to let go of challenging situations without freaking out or feeling guilty? I feel like I'm in junior high even though I'm 37...

zjw

well as far as the friendships go and relationships in general I know for me things changed a lot. No one else changed but I did. as my head cleared i started to realize what i could once handle I no longer could. What i was once willing to tolerate I no longer could. I became more rigid my sanity and my sobriety became #1 to me. I did not always like the fact that I had to be the bad guy sometimes but I realized I couldnt please everyone all the time. In some ways I had to put myself first even if it meant being alone for a time till i found some healthier relationships etc..

I think its partly life its partly PAWS and its also in my case "growing up" I just didnt mesh with some folks like i once did is all.

I've been watching this one tv show latly one character had a drinking problem and went to AA but from my view they all got a dang drinking problem to some degree or another. I see them drink to much and wake up hungover in the show sometimes and I think ya know i know its just a tv show but WHY? why do people put themselves through that I wonder I cant fathom why anyone would wanna guzzle a bunch of booze and know there going to wake up and geel like garbage! to me there is a serious disconnect in this line of thought. Yet I used to be the same guy that would join in with any one like that. Now? I dont I'm different now. Some think I dont play nicely in the sandbox or i'm unapproacheble or too rigid etc.. nope its just black and white it seems to me and I dont want to be a part of all that anymore and the foggy mind that goes along with it etc.. People dont think very clearly when there drinking all the time etc.. as you come out of the fog and you start to become more clear headed you question your choices because yes you are a different person now so it can seem rather scary that relationships that where once just fine are now so problamatic.

trachemys

To answer the question: Just life.

Sounds like all those friends were drinking friends. You'll make sober friends. It takes time.

Soberwolf

Good luck

matt4x4

Just Life!