Want to stop, but terrified...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Philadelphia PA
Posts: 11
Want to stop, but terrified...
I know this might sound crazy, I truly want to stop drinking but am terrified to do so. I am killing myself with alcohol. It started as binge drinking on weekends but I now I drink almost every day. And I drink to the point of passing out. I even started hiding it from my wife but I know she knows. The thing is, as much as I want to stop drinking, I'm scared to death about life after alcohol. It's all I know. I like the feeling of drinking, but I hate getting drunk if that makes sense. All my friends are drinkers, so I won't be able to see them anymore. And I'm afraid I'll hate my life being sober, even though I hate my life being a drunk. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. Don't get me wrong I really truly want to stop drinking!! I hate it. I hate the person I become. I'm sitting here right now practically crying. Both because I want to stop and because I'm afraid to.
Is there anybody else who can understand what I'm going through? And if there is, can anyone give me some help, advise, and guidance?
Is there anybody else who can understand what I'm going through? And if there is, can anyone give me some help, advise, and guidance?
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Posts: 367
Perhaps it's time for a little honesty.
I sat around telling myself that line for a good while and at some point I had to take an honest track record with what booze does to me when I drink it. My truth is that the "good times" I had were in the distant past and the last 6 to 9 months were nothing but trouble.
This is a hard nut to swallow, but once your drinking takes on a life of it's own there's no turning it around to the way it was when you were in High School having a good time with it.
Here's a picture for you.
I'm ONLY going to have a couple pops with the guys after work..... those go down pretty smooth, I think I'll get a 6-er for the ride home. Mmmmm. Those were nice. Well I think I'll go out and watch the ballgame at the local bar....
I'm getting the sick feeling, my lips going numb, the room spinning.... tell myself, when the bartender asks you what you want, order a coke, watch the rest of the ballgame and go home. That was the plan.... when she came and asked if I wanted another Killian's what came out of my mouth was "absolutely".
I paid up, slugged it down then ran for the door knowing it wouldn't stay down. Made it onto the front steps and began throwing up so hard I pooped my pants (this was NOT my first rodeo with being that sick). So there I am wishing I were dead, people walking by pointing and laughing at me on the ground.
I might add that this was actually a pretty decent night since I didn't wind up finding a drug dealer or ending up in handcuffs or losing friends or any real trouble.
.... Flash forward 2-3 weeks when I wind up in AA and my first thought is "What am I going to do for fun now?"
Yeah, let the good times roll.
I love a buzz more than anybody, and I can assure you, by the time it had kicked my arse enough for me to consider stopping drinking the good times were long gone.
So take an honest look at your drinking. Instead of worrying about whatever "fun" you think you're not going to have in the future, look back at all the drunken trouble that you will NOT have the minute you put the cork in the jug and keep it there.
I sat around telling myself that line for a good while and at some point I had to take an honest track record with what booze does to me when I drink it. My truth is that the "good times" I had were in the distant past and the last 6 to 9 months were nothing but trouble.
This is a hard nut to swallow, but once your drinking takes on a life of it's own there's no turning it around to the way it was when you were in High School having a good time with it.
Here's a picture for you.
I'm ONLY going to have a couple pops with the guys after work..... those go down pretty smooth, I think I'll get a 6-er for the ride home. Mmmmm. Those were nice. Well I think I'll go out and watch the ballgame at the local bar....
I'm getting the sick feeling, my lips going numb, the room spinning.... tell myself, when the bartender asks you what you want, order a coke, watch the rest of the ballgame and go home. That was the plan.... when she came and asked if I wanted another Killian's what came out of my mouth was "absolutely".
I paid up, slugged it down then ran for the door knowing it wouldn't stay down. Made it onto the front steps and began throwing up so hard I pooped my pants (this was NOT my first rodeo with being that sick). So there I am wishing I were dead, people walking by pointing and laughing at me on the ground.
I might add that this was actually a pretty decent night since I didn't wind up finding a drug dealer or ending up in handcuffs or losing friends or any real trouble.
.... Flash forward 2-3 weeks when I wind up in AA and my first thought is "What am I going to do for fun now?"
Yeah, let the good times roll.
I love a buzz more than anybody, and I can assure you, by the time it had kicked my arse enough for me to consider stopping drinking the good times were long gone.
So take an honest look at your drinking. Instead of worrying about whatever "fun" you think you're not going to have in the future, look back at all the drunken trouble that you will NOT have the minute you put the cork in the jug and keep it there.
Recovered
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,129
I finally got that dreaded place of choice. Alcoholic death or help. I was even plotting suicide by that point as I could not imagine my life without chemicals. I wanted to be sober and happy more than ANYTHING. And that is the kicker.....the word 'anything'.
I will tell you that today, my life is amazing. I lack words for how my life has changed for the better. I wish I wanted to be sober back when I NEEDED it...at the age of 18. Nope. I went on till the bitter end at 38. But it is what it is. When I was ready to be sober, NOTHING was going to stop me, not even fear.
Glad you are here. I can't tell you what you should do specifically, other than get a PLAN and follow the PLAN, be it AA or RR or both with or without therapy, etc. Follow it to the letter. Every day.
I will tell you that today, my life is amazing. I lack words for how my life has changed for the better. I wish I wanted to be sober back when I NEEDED it...at the age of 18. Nope. I went on till the bitter end at 38. But it is what it is. When I was ready to be sober, NOTHING was going to stop me, not even fear.
Glad you are here. I can't tell you what you should do specifically, other than get a PLAN and follow the PLAN, be it AA or RR or both with or without therapy, etc. Follow it to the letter. Every day.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Hello welcome there is a 24 h thread in the main forum that deals specifically with what your going through
Good luck don't be terrified your going to meet new ppl who care about your struggle with alcoholism as we have all suffered ourselves don't be terrified as your not alone
Again welcome and good luck
Good luck don't be terrified your going to meet new ppl who care about your struggle with alcoholism as we have all suffered ourselves don't be terrified as your not alone
Again welcome and good luck
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