gameofthrones10

I lost control and began to drink again. I had been doing so well but then alcohol called out to me. I answered the call and now I feel shame and guilt. It's almost like it's a lover that cheats but you cannot let go. I am having a tough time I want to let go but yet it calls my name. I cannot be sure if I can resist the call or if I will continue to spiral out of control.

ScottFromWI

What were you doing to stay sober when things were working well Gameofthrones? Is there a meeting you could go to or a doctor you could see? Perhaps a counselor? You know that sobriety is possible as you've done it before.

gameofthrones10

I have been dishonest with my therapist so he has no idea how bad things have gotten. I feel ashamed to tell him the truth. I know it's stupid to feel that way but I feel like I have failed him as well as myself.

aasharon90

In the beginning of my recovery
I was afraid to open up to people
because I was afraid they'd think
less of me, laugh at me, gossip
about me, judge me, and so on.

Come to find out, most of these folks,
doctors, people in recovery, even people
in general were not surprised at many
of the things I had done. In fact, many
had done the same similar things or had
already heard of others doing the same
thing. Like it was nothing new to them.

In knowing that I was not unique, then
I was able to open up, be honest, let go
of those heavy boulders weighing heavy
on my shoulder, cluttering up space in
my mind worrying, my heart and soul
weakened.

If I wanted help to remain sober I had
to go that extra mile with willingness to
be honest not only with myself but to others
like my physician. I had to put my trust
in him just as he would want my trust.

How can he help me heal if I don't open
up to him about my addiction. How can
he treat me without compromising my
health and sobriety.

In order for me to remain sober, I don't
drink, I follow a recovery program incorporating
steps and principle that are effective in my
everyday life, when seeing my doctor, he
is aware of my recovery and how very
important it is to me and that if any meds
are to be administered that it not be narcotic
or habit forming.

In being honest then im protecting my
investment in my recovery life and program.

If my recovery program is that important
to me, and it is even at 24 yrs sobriety,
I will continue to practice the principles
and steps of my recovery program in ALL
areas of my life.

My SOBRIETY is worth protecting.

So can yours.

ardy

my Dad always said it was a thrust that hit him.. he did talk to me once when I was in college and we sat over coffee... me its the flavor of the burbon rum or wine.. time of year or event ... maybe Iam just very upset and need to rest .. a drink and Iam out like a light.. nope not anymore have been free for over 6 months.. found these great people here and they help so much.. so Scream in here and write write write.. do you have a Dry Hootch near you go visit and chat and have coffee and volunteer for things.. we will be helping out for the milwaukee short film festival in a couple of weeks.. have been walk on extra's for a Zombie Movie Sept 5 that is shown at a special event... prayers kiddo you can do this really why because we believe in you.. a Mom....

bloss

Let go of the guilt/shame. That "call" you speak of is what I call the "voice". Heard the call/ voice many times and unfortunately started drinking again, over and over.

Being honest and posting here is really a positive step. Get back into whatever program or method you were using and if it's not working for you, seek out what will work for the long haul. For today, don't take the drink, ignore the call/ voice, it's part of the addiction...wanting you to pick up again. Take care of yourself...we are all here to stay sober, together.

Soberwolf

Hi games of thrones

There is a 24h thread designed for exactly how your feeling right now in the main forum

Hang in there you can do it your not alone keep posting

Good luck brothers in arms

gameofthrones10

Thanks for the support and the kind words. I drank this weekend but not as much as I have been drinking. My first steps have to be being honest with my therapist and being honest with myself. I am going to keep trying again thanks to everyone here.

Arbor

Keep positive. Don't let the negative thoughts creep on in. Find your motivation. You can do this but you have to want it more than anything!

jdooner

This happens all the time and is perhaps the silliest thing I can think of...you are paying someone who cannot repeat what you tell him or her what you say for their expertise to help you. Lying to them is so counter productive. Be honest - therapist and Drs. have heard it all.

As for the call...its helpful to realize alcohol is not calling you. While a simple metaphor to explain the excuse, you are choosing to cope through a substance, alcohol in this case. It helps to begin being honest about what is going on.

I second Scott's suggestions regarding a meeting and being honest with your therapist.

Soberwolf

Yeah honesty is best policy here and it has to be brutally honest if its going to work

Good luck

PurpleKnight

I used to find my mind could convince me of anything, it wanted to drink and there was only going to be one winner, if I simply sat alone with my thoughts, instead I needed to change things up, to short circuit those thoughts I needed support outside of myself, someone for a 2nd opinion!!

Are you getting enough support? meetings etc, or even here on SR, something to reach out to BEFORE having that drink!!

You can do this!!

Johno1967

Self honesty is the first step in recovery. I often compare alcohol to an abusive lover. Something that you know is killing you but you can't live without. That's addiction and that's alcoholism.
The inner addict never goes away and it gets quieter and even hibernates for a while. But it returns smarter and more devious than before waiting for that weak moment to take advantage of our dropped guard.
My sobriety is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition. Spiritual principle number 1 is rigorous honesty. It's the fire in our belly which throws the light of hope on our addiction.

waynetheking

Game this disease is cunning and baffling. Rest assured, it wants to kill you. Hit your bottom now before it's too late. Don't be ashamed about anything. Just stop drinking. Right now that's all u have to do. All the healing and damage control can come later. Right now just focus on not drinking. Everything else will follow. Were here for ya.