brach123

Hello all, I hope you are well and sober! I'm having a really bad couple of days after drinking yet again. Quick bit of back ground; after being a pretty much daily drinker for around 7 years I went on to go into my first rehab a few years ago, but only managed to stay sober for 6 weeks upon getting out. After another year of horrendous drinking I went to another rehab and was sober 5 months, another relapse and since then have struggled to get more than a month sober but have been having horrendous binges in between. Some people say at least I'm not drinking daily now but it is seriously causing even more damage than it used to. My family have now given up and I ended up in hospital after over dosing on drugs while drunk, which I wouldn't have touched had I been sober. After getting out with a partially collapsed lung I was sure I wouldn't even consider drinking again, but I have ended up in complete black out for two nights and it's now looking like I'm going to be homeless.

The main point of my post was to ask about these points where I just seem to break and go drinking again despite knowing it's a very bad idea. This last time I knew if I drank I may end up homeless and that I was risking further damage to my lung and rest of my body, after nearly dying this last time I can't believe how easily I gave in.

Anybody please offer some help, I really am desperate to get control of myself, it's getting really scarey. In those moments I decide to drink I am so one track minded and feel like I need to drink, that's what I tell myself and find it impossible to slow down and think rationally.

biminiblue

I am very sad for you.

This is all in your head, you are creating this drama and pattern. I would suggest another rehab or intensive therapy with an addictions specialist. How about going to AA every day?

I understand compulsive behaviors, but something is driving you and getting to the bottom of it is a matter of life and death for you.

Please please seek help before it's too late. Your family will come back around once you have straightened out. They are protecting themselves from your destructive behaviors.

brach123

I won't be able to afford rehab, or a place to live, but will be getting to aa nightly where ever I end up. That is about the limit of help I think I will get without funding. I know it's not good to self pity but I'm struggling to keep it together and haven't for most the day, I never ever considered this would happen to me but things have just got ridiculously bad now because of my alcoholism.

Thanks though bimini, I'm gonna seek out all the help I can.

Soberwolf

Only you can stay sober nobody can do it for you

What measures do you take when you feel like that ?

I always get in touch with ppl when I felt like that early on but you got to want it

Living sober is a good book

You got to change your whole thinking reinvent yourself

Sounds like you don't wanna be that guy anymore so that's a start

Wishing you all the best

Soberwolf

In the beginning I went to meetings everyday met ppl just like me and you
Do whatever it takes to get sober use that 1 track mind of yours to your advantage just change the track and put on that sobriety song !

Wish you all the best good luck always

brach123

that's a big part of my problem, when I get a strong urge to drink I really do not want to speak to anyone, I honestly just give in so easy it's ridiculous. I just wish I could sit down relax and speak to somebody but I get so hyper and impulsive I just flip. This is without doubt something that needs to change. Thanks for your advice soberwolf I want it more than ever now and plan to put the work in to make changes.

Soberwolf

If you feel that way you can always come on here and just vent

Keep trying and your sure to succeed

Wishing you all the luck in the world it took me 3 months of insanity and near death experiences I hope you can learn from my mistakes before its too late just try to stay on the forum there's lots of stuff inc help advice and support

Good luck

Amajorityofone

The strong cannot help the weak until the weak begin to help themselves. No one but yourself can improve your condition.

Once you realize this, you will become stronger.

zjw

I met one guy in AA was in the hospital all yellow his liver failing etc.. they told him he shouldnt drink its gonna kill him he said yeah whatever and left on the way home got a 6 pack of beer. Does this make him nuts? insane? stupid? nope he's just an alcoholic thats the best way to describe it.

Another guy that same meeting talked about his step father who went to the hospital same thing yellow liver failing guy smoked like a chimney and drank like a fish they told him you drink again it'll kill ya he said yeah whatever went home was good for a day or 2 then got a 6 pack of beer was dead the next morning. Again was he stupid? insane? nope just an alcoholic.

You dont "need" to drink you just think you need too thats your alcoholic speaking. In your case my case the 2 cases I mentioned there is no reason to try and make rational sense out of irrational behavior you'll never be able to make sense of it dont even bother trying. The only sense you can make out of it is its alcoholic behavior there is no other ryme or reason for it other then that.

You've had some good sober time here there so I'd imagine you have half idea on how to stay sober. And given your recent expierience I think you can now say that not even 1 drink is a good idea for you so no sense in even dangling your foot in the water to see if its warm chances are you'll fall in.

You can ask yourself why it is this way. How come your like this. why why why. Or you can just accept the fact that you are this way and not mess around with booze. I'm sure your good at lots of other things drinking just isnt something that mixes well with you.

I had to accept it for what it was and learn to work with my disablity. as robin williams would say I'm ethanol challenged myself nothing wrong with it I simply cant drink no biggie. There is no sense in me reading into it much more then that. Though like you I spent years wondering why I couldnt simply put it down why did i feel this compelling "NEED" to drink all the stinking time how come once i started i could never ever stop etc.. Cause i'm alcoholic thats all.

brach123

soberwolf - thank you I am going to post on here more often and keep connected as well as with AA

amajorityofone - you are so right, I've always wanted an easy way out for my problems, it's time I become accountable, I really now realize there is not quick fix for for my alcoholism and I need to put more work in, thank you.

zjw - it's funny my councilor at the last rehab told me I think to much and your post really hit the nail on the head, I'm forever trying to work out this or that, how I can change things for the better etc etc. thanks for your post it's kind of suggested to me to focus on moving forward and getting better.

ScottFromWI

AA will give you a group of people to talk with anytime you choose to go to a meeting, and phone numbers to call if you need it at any other time.

Also check into free or reduced cost rehab in your area, there are many of them out there.

As others have mentioned though, nothing will work until you decide that sobriety is your goal above and beyond anything else.

FreedomFighter7

Hey Brach, sorry to hear of your struggles. All I can offer is what worked for me. I tried lots of things and could never stay sober. I tried rehab, AA, rational recovery, using sober recovery and I still drank. Presently, I am 15 days sober with the help of anta-buse. That's the drug where if you drink on it, it makes you violently ill. The thought of this happening is enough to keep me from drinking. I could never get through the cravings and always gave in easily like you said. I truly felt powerless over those hugely powerful cravings. Maybe you could give anta-buse a try. It works very well for us impulsive people. Hope you beat this thing in the end. Take care.

FreedomFighter7

You are trying to find your way out of this maze they call alcoholism, nothing wrong with that. Never give up.

Avra

Brach, you sound a lot like me. When I get the idea in my head and then decide I am going to drink, its like nothing can stop me. I don't want to be stopped. I too am hyper and impulsive and don't breathe and try to stop it. I think too much as well - always trying to sort out whats going on and to try to solve all my problems in one day.

Maybe a key for us is to slow down and breathe and not overthink.

mistory5

If you live in usa just dial 211 on your phone and you can get free info for free help for addiction or mental health issues . Dont give up because of lack of money. May God bless you.

brach123

Hey Scott, thank you, I will be attending aa nightly if I can. unfortunately the only free rehab I know of has a very bad rep and I think it could be more detrimental than helpful, I am going to look into attending extra support groups though.

freedom fighter thanks for your replies, i talked about antabuse with my doc but she seems a bit reluctant and believes I need to do this without, I'll have to stick with her advice for now and work at it.

Avra yes it's not good being this way, I just jump in without any real contemplation about how bad it will really be, I mean I know it's not good but it's very hard to remember really how bad it is when you become so fixated on the thought of a drink. It's something that needs to be changed for sure. I had been doing meditation and trying to live in the moment and was mostly feeling good, but once my mind started wandering back towards drink it was not long until I lost it again. I'm going to work out some sort of action plan for when these strong urges come as I can handle many weaker ones but some just seem to wash me away. I need to keep my mind on track and always focused on recovery, it's funny how even after a short time my priorities can shift so that has remain number 1 always. Thanks and all the best to you also, we can both do this.

brach123

hey mistory I'm in the UK, thanks for your reply though, I will be getting back in touch with the alcohol services here and see what they can offer, there are some groups I know about that can't hurt right.

Soberwolf

Brach just want to say thanks it takes big courage to do what your doing

Your definatly a inspiration

Sudz No More

Seek out a professional Psychologist and have weekly meetings one on one. You will feel accountable to this person that has put time and effort in to helping you learn how to cope with the impulses. Not only will they provide healthy advice you will get an extra deterrent by not wanting to let them down. It worked for me, it can work for you.

whalebelow

I reckon your a pretty smart guy, you certainly write articulately.

If there is an AA office in Stockport go there and buy the book, alcoholics anonymous.

Your story is just like one of the founding members Bill Wilson.

A new York stockbroker who became a millionaire, his drinking baffled him too.

If you can't get a hard copy, there are loads of pdf download all over the net, just google.

Start with the Doctors opinion, read Bills Story and I give you an iron clad guarantee that in just two short chapters, you'll understand yourself and your drinking a WHOLE lot more.