ESD907

My autistic son is really acting out, he's a big boy for 12, and is becoming threatening to his siblings and a bit to me. my 14 year old daughter went to 1st therapy appt, doc says depressed and anxiety, she is refusing further therapy and any meds. I'm at wits end. I want to run away from all of them. Even a trip to the froyo was a nightmare. I feel so alone. I sometimes feel whats the use of being sober, no one appreciates it at all, I just want to grab a drink and go be alone. I won't. But life is really starting to stink. I awaken every day, thinking today is going to be great, Every stinking day, I have a good attitude. And there are so many people to bring me down. The complaints from kids/spouse. I live with a lupus and RA, both get worse with stress. I'm at the top level of the meds. How did my life get like this in 7 short years? I feel I have no worth. I'm failing at everything. I have never been down like this before. this worthlessness. I've no one to talk to. I'm so sad. Thanks to SR for having a place for me to write this, and someone see's it. Usually its just written to myself and tossed out.

Soberwolf

I'm so glad you found sr as your never going to be alone again we are always here as for your children it sounds really tough and I for 1 think what you do is amazing

Hope everything works out

Wishing you all the best

nandm

I am glad you are here and thankful that you posted what you did.

There have been many points in my sobriety where I have felt overwhelmed as well. Unfortunately just because we stop drinking life does not stop and along with it comes the ups and downs. Over the years I have learned to change my perspective on life which has helped me get through the rough patches.

I try to see life as a path/road that we have to keep moving forward on because if we stop for too long we will die. Sometimes the path is nice and smooth, the sun is shining, and there is beautiful scenery to look at and other times the road is rough, rocks block my path and I have to struggle to get past them, thunderstorms hover over head, and the wind howls through the trees around me. During those rough times I try to keep in mind that each time I have made it past the rough patch I have always found a place to stop and catch my breath and enjoy the scenery for a bit before continuing to move forward to find something more wondrous awaits me. So I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and trying to do the next right thing.

From the sound of things you are exhausted right now and have a lot of rocks in your path. It sounds like you are doing your best to keep putting one foot in front of the other and do the next right thing. I know that during some of the most stressful times in my sobriety I have needed the extra help of a mental health provider to help me get through it and gain tools to manage the stress of the situation more effectively. Maybe you would benefit from outside help as well. It might be something to consider as you need to take care of yourself as well. You are important and your sobriety is important.

zjw

it may not seem like much but anyone who is sober on this board means a little something to someone else who is sober on this board. I felt like no one appreciated the fact that I was sober. I still do but i dont really care if they do or they dont. I'm not sober for anyone else but me call it selfish but it works for me and I would not have sobered up given an ultimatum by anyone else cause iw as pretty selfish when i drank.

Lifes gonna kick you down all you can do is get back up. Heck sometimes all you can do is turn the lights out and just go to bed so you can try again tommorrow. Try and hang in there.

Think about things that do make you happy. Things that might be going your way things that thankfully currently are not broken in your life. Try and dwell on those even if you have to force yourself too its important at times like this to be thankful for the toher good things instead of focusing on all the bad. It doesnt fix problems but it can make you feel a little better.

ESD907

Sober, Nan and Zjw, thanks for listening. It means a lot. its been few terrible days in a row, and the constant complaining drives me nuts. I am not a complainer and to have married 1 and given birth to 2.5 (1 is only half complainer) makes me miserable at times. Living with the glass 1/2 empty bunch grates on my nerves. Yes I am exhausted. I've been really tired emotionally, which makes me tired all over. My normal gym routine has been halved or scrapped. I've eaten more proteins and more food in general to try and get more alert. I know tomorrow I'll wake up feeling optimistic, the day I don't is the day I know there is truly something very wrong. Thanks for caring and taking the time to respond. Never was one for the prof help, but have rethought this, since my son goes to therapy, and brought my daughter. Maybe its time for me too. I always had this thought that mental problems were for the weak, and those who seek help are weak. But I think I'm ready. What was that song from about 7 or 8 years ago.. When you're going thru hell, keep on moving, don't go back or stop or soemthing like that...I understand the lyrics now.

Celticgirl

I am so glad to hear you're considering therapy. There is absolutely NOTHING weak about admitting you need help, and with all you're going through, it's no wonder you're overwhelmed. Sounds like you need someone to really listen to you, and you deserve to have that.

I have a couple kids the same age as you, and I know they're moody and emotional and very, very self-centered. It gets frustrating, and added together with your son's issues and trying to stay sober must feel like you're going to just lose it.

Tomorrow is another day. Make an appointment for yourself firs thing in the morning. If you can tonight, take a long bath with epsom salts, light a candle, do some deep breathing. Watch something funny on TV or call a friend who makes you laugh. There's an old Irish saying that a good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures. Take care of yourself.

jessie65

I feel for you, and I understand. Nobody cares that you're sober, why would they, it really doesn't affect them for the most part.

I guess you have to decide to be sober for YOU. You feel better physically right? You can think clearer, have more patience in the morning (versus a hung over morning), and be healthier not drinking.

Do This for YOU. Everything else will work itself out. You can't fix everything, you can only be the best You can be. That's all you can do.
Prayers for you..

Resolv

Hello ESD907,

I think your title says it all, "a few tough days." Few being the operative word. I never cease to amaze myself. I see the glass half empty one day and the very same glass is half full the next day. A challenge is just an opportunity to express your creative self by coming up with a solution. Sometimes the hardest part is seeing the problem from different angles. That's where SR helps. Talk it out.

ESD907

Thanks to all who gave me encouragement. Its amazing what a nights sleep can do to restore the optimism. This a.m. so far is okay. I've sent to off so far, one is in shower, he goes to the doc before school on Fridays. So just waiting for his 9a.m. appt. So far no drama, just daughter asked if she could stay home. Plans are to go to doc, bring him to school, try to see the guidance counselor because he's having math problems, then go to the gym. felt lousy missing yesterday. I ate so much. ice cream with waffles, pizza. The only part I pat myself on back for this binge was, it was the Edys slow churned, so its lower in fat/sugar/cals, the waffles were Kashi whole grain and pizza was home made so no preservatives or odd ingredients, but loads of cheese. Funny, I feel so guilty about it, but i'd feel a heck of a lot worse if it were alcohol. I'm just glad I don't keep any around, becasue I think I may have had some. Again, thanks so much. Hoping this 3 day weekend is wondeful.

Soberwolf

Well done you

RecklessEric

Sounds like a really tough time.
Is there any way of organising some alone time?
You really are doing a wonderful job.
But you need to take care of yourself too.