I'm done...but scared
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 179
I'm done...but scared
I don't know a lot about AA, but I know it's a good tool for getting clean. But I'm scared of walking into a meeting. Philadelphia is a big city, but being gay makes it smaller. I know I'll run into friends I don't want to see, friends I don't want to see in a meeting.
At the same time, I like the idea of a gay AA because they'll be familiar with the community and what I'm going through. I tried to kick this on my own and I can't, but now I feel like I have nowhere to turn for help.
Are there any good groups in Philadelphia, AA or otherwise, meetups, whatever? Somewhere I can hang out until 10 or 11 and just chill? Whatever happened to late night coffee shops? I just want to meet some friends who know how to hangout without booze.
At the same time, I like the idea of a gay AA because they'll be familiar with the community and what I'm going through. I tried to kick this on my own and I can't, but now I feel like I have nowhere to turn for help.
Are there any good groups in Philadelphia, AA or otherwise, meetups, whatever? Somewhere I can hang out until 10 or 11 and just chill? Whatever happened to late night coffee shops? I just want to meet some friends who know how to hangout without booze.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 112
i am in the same boat. Gay, in a big city , looking for some friends that don't drink. I've had similar reservations about being identified and labeled when i go to meetings. This may sound obvious or trite, but keep in mind that whomever you may sees in the meetings probably have very similar insecurities to the ones you articulated in your post. Hopefully they will understand and hold the confidence that AA requires. And maybe you will even make a few new, unexpected friends in Phily 
keep us posted and good luck!
keep us posted and good luck!
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 179
Originally Posted by Katie88 
i am in the same boat. Gay, in a big city , looking for some friends that don't drink. I've had similar reservations about being identified and labeled when i go to meetings. This may sound obvious or trite, but keep in mind that whomever you may sees in the meetings probably have very similar insecurities to the ones you articulated in your post. Hopefully they will understand and hold the confidence that AA requires. And maybe you will even make a few new, unexpected friends in Phily keep us posted and good luck!
keep us posted and good luck!Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 112
Hey Philly - i do understand. i don't fit in with the lesbian community at all. I am a pretty, straight looking 28 year old. I also sometimes feel terrified to walk into AA meetings because i feel as soon ask walk into the room I have a lot of assumptions cast on me. There is also the issue of not really trusting other addicts because of what I've witnessed, which i just posted about a few mins ago.
All of the things above haven't stopped me from reaching out because i feel like the worst case scenario is that it doesn't work and i don't go back. I truly believe that there is something to be gained from AA, but i also completely understand the anxiety of walking through the door alone for the first time. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk!
All of the things above haven't stopped me from reaching out because i feel like the worst case scenario is that it doesn't work and i don't go back. I truly believe that there is something to be gained from AA, but i also completely understand the anxiety of walking through the door alone for the first time. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk!
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 127
Originally Posted by philly76
The larger part of me is afraid of AA in general just because walking in the door is so terrifying.
I sound like an expert, but I've only been to two meetings. (for full disclosure..
)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 179
Originally Posted by Katie88
Hey Philly - i do understand. i don't fit in with the lesbian community at all. I am a pretty, straight looking 28 year old. I also sometimes feel terrified to walk into AA meetings because i feel as soon ask walk into the room I have a lot of assumptions cast on me. There is also the issue of not really trusting other addicts because of what I've witnessed, which i just posted about a few mins ago.
All of the things above haven't stopped me from reaching out because i feel like the worst case scenario is that it doesn't work and i don't go back. I truly believe that there is something to be gained from AA, but i also completely understand the anxiety of walking through the door alone for the first time. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk!
All of the things above haven't stopped me from reaching out because i feel like the worst case scenario is that it doesn't work and i don't go back. I truly believe that there is something to be gained from AA, but i also completely understand the anxiety of walking through the door alone for the first time. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk!
I have this guy in my head I so want to be, and know I can be. At times I find it, but other times I fail. It's really hard not having people who get it. I mean I really appreciate the support on this site, don't get me wrong, but I need three dimensional advocates too. I just need to nut up and walk into that building one night.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 179
Originally Posted by pakman
I'm sure many others can comment on this point better than I can. I didn't go to AA, but I can tell you about first CR (Celebrate Recovery, Christianity based 12 step program) meeting. I was indeed terrified. But, people were super nice and I wasn't forced to do or say anything. You can always, 'pass' or say 'i'll just listen today' No pressure. About the fear about gay community being small. Let me tell you, I had same concern about CR as Christian community is small and they are I'm sure just as chatty. (and sometimes quite judgmental) These groups, anonymity is mantra #1. I'm not saying that it's always upheld, they are made of imperfect human beings after all, but, anonymity is what makes these groups thrive and be successful.
I sound like an expert, but I've only been to two meetings. (for full disclosure..)
I sound like an expert, but I've only been to two meetings. (for full disclosure..
)Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
philly,
i don't know what "the gay community" is; it's fiction or myth, far as i'm concerned.
there is no one community this way.
i've gone to a few LGTBQ meetings and felt more at home in one sense, not so obviously out-of-place, but that's surface, in a way. when it comes to alcoholism, i mean.
in a big city like yours, there are likely SMART meetings, too, and possibly LifeRing.
i was terrified to go to my first meeting, and i was only going to go ONE TIME. it was important to me to do it once; i needed to do this as a more "official" acknowledgment to myself of what i was dealing with.
after the nerve-wrecking/wracking few days before, the actual meeting was wonderful. i couldn't wait til the next one! i went to a weekly LR meeting for about two years.
it all gets easier with time and the actual doing.
i don't know what "the gay community" is; it's fiction or myth, far as i'm concerned.
there is no one community this way.
i've gone to a few LGTBQ meetings and felt more at home in one sense, not so obviously out-of-place, but that's surface, in a way. when it comes to alcoholism, i mean.
in a big city like yours, there are likely SMART meetings, too, and possibly LifeRing.
i was terrified to go to my first meeting, and i was only going to go ONE TIME. it was important to me to do it once; i needed to do this as a more "official" acknowledgment to myself of what i was dealing with.
after the nerve-wrecking/wracking few days before, the actual meeting was wonderful. i couldn't wait til the next one! i went to a weekly LR meeting for about two years.
it all gets easier with time and the actual doing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 179
Originally Posted by fini
philly,
i don't know what "the gay community" is; it's fiction or myth, far as i'm concerned.
there is no one community this way.
i've gone to a few LGTBQ meetings and felt more at home in one sense, not so obviously out-of-place, but that's surface, in a way. when it comes to alcoholism, i mean.
in a big city like yours, there are likely SMART meetings, too, and possibly LifeRing.
i was terrified to go to my first meeting, and i was only going to go ONE TIME. it was important to me to do it once; i needed to do this as a more "official" acknowledgment to myself of what i was dealing with.
after the nerve-wrecking/wracking few days before, the actual meeting was wonderful. i couldn't wait til the next one! i went to a weekly LR meeting for about two years.
it all gets easier with time and the actual doing.
i don't know what "the gay community" is; it's fiction or myth, far as i'm concerned.
there is no one community this way.
i've gone to a few LGTBQ meetings and felt more at home in one sense, not so obviously out-of-place, but that's surface, in a way. when it comes to alcoholism, i mean.
in a big city like yours, there are likely SMART meetings, too, and possibly LifeRing.
i was terrified to go to my first meeting, and i was only going to go ONE TIME. it was important to me to do it once; i needed to do this as a more "official" acknowledgment to myself of what i was dealing with.
after the nerve-wrecking/wracking few days before, the actual meeting was wonderful. i couldn't wait til the next one! i went to a weekly LR meeting for about two years.
it all gets easier with time and the actual doing.
I know, I know. I just have to work up the nerve to walk into one.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Just so you know I've actually heard a gay man's chair before and the guy was heartwarming funny and really confident in his sobriety I think he was 7/8 years sober
Thing is when he said he was gay I didn't bat a eyelid as I all I saw was a fellow human being telling his story and it was a really good chair I'm not just saying that
Wishing you all the luck in the world and keep up the good work
PS in the UK there are gay/lesbian meetings are there none in philly ? Or the US ? Maybe contact aa by phone and ask ?
Thing is when he said he was gay I didn't bat a eyelid as I all I saw was a fellow human being telling his story and it was a really good chair I'm not just saying that
Wishing you all the luck in the world and keep up the good work
PS in the UK there are gay/lesbian meetings are there none in philly ? Or the US ? Maybe contact aa by phone and ask ?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 192
I am in Philly (and also happen to be gay too...well, lesbian)...and there are def gay/lesbian meetings in the area. But I know there are also mixed meetings as well (meaning both gays and straights attend in "harmony"
). There is a Sunday morning meeting in the Fairmont section that seems to have a big mix of folks (young/old/gay straight/men/ women). I have gotten into the habit of attending mostly women's meetings lately--but they include both straight and gay women. Not sure if the men's only meetings are similar. I know the William Way center has some meetings there for LGBT folks.
Feel free to PM me if you would like. It is a big city....but the great part is if you don't like a particular meeting, you can always try another.
). There is a Sunday morning meeting in the Fairmont section that seems to have a big mix of folks (young/old/gay straight/men/ women). I have gotten into the habit of attending mostly women's meetings lately--but they include both straight and gay women. Not sure if the men's only meetings are similar. I know the William Way center has some meetings there for LGBT folks.Feel free to PM me if you would like. It is a big city....but the great part is if you don't like a particular meeting, you can always try another.
Recovering ostrich
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 2,551
I posted a link in your other thread but wanted to encourage you here as well. I was worried about the catty stuff too and it was not that way at all. Most folks in AA are working of themselves and in doing so, encourage others. There are those few who haven't quite reached it but the majority are welcoming and warm.
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