SoberandGlad

I drank a few months ago after having been clean for 10 years. One thing that influenced me to drink was others who drank. This occurred with family members who were over for Thanksgiving who had some wine and on other occasions, as well, having some beer. Also, I worked at a place of business where there were drinkers who talked about drinking and even invited me to drink with them. Fortunately I did not go out drinking with them. I instead just had some wine with my meals. I do not consider this to be problem drinking, but could lead to problem drinking, so I have stopped the drinking. What I am wondering is that in staying free from alcohol, what is the best way to deal with drinkers and others who support drinking especially friends, family members, and other people out in the world? Do I tell them they should not drink? Do I just ignore them or stay away from them? Do I just keep things to myself about it? Our culture looks at drinking as an acceptable thing to do; is this right, or is it really problematic?

silentrun

What did you do those 10 years? Just wondering if something changed for you.

PurpleKnight

I view my Sobriety as mine, I can't control what others do, I can't control all the adverts on TV for alcohol, and it's probably not right to expect others to not drink, just because I have a problem with alcohol!!

The only thing I can do is make choices on what activities I get involved in and the people I hang out with, every time I get invited to a social event I need to make a judgement call on whether or not my Sobriety will be put at risk, it's always my priority and it needs to be protected at all costs, regardless of whether I offend someone by turning down an invite to say a stag party or a night out clubbing!!

Other people I guess are free to do what they want as adults, but we have the freedom to not put ourselves in situations that may compromise our decision to lead a Sober life!!

SoberandGlad

Oh, a lot of things changed for me. I stopped partying, drugging, and binge drinking. I started to exercise again, went back to church, stopped socializing with my old using friends, and got back to my senses.

silentrun

I have a little over a year clean time so 10 years is WOW to me. Did you just avoid drinking situations that long? I think it's great you stopped this before it got to the problem stage.

SoberHoopsFan

To answer the bolded, it is very problematic as most of society are hooked on alcohol (to varying degrees of course) and do not even realize it. Unfortunately, we can't force change on others, but if you can show others that you enjoy life and have fun without the need for alcohol, maybe more around you will follow in your footsteps. Just look at how many fewer people smoke cigarettes compared to 30-40 years ago. There could be an eventual shift with regard to drinking as well but it has to start with us as the examples for it.

Alcohol is a drug, it's highly addictive, and it causes all sorts of problems. I hope one day the rest of society wakes up to that instead of continuing to worship and romanticize it.

SoberandGlad

Yes, there were some times where I was invited to parties that I declined. I think I insulted some people when I did that, but it was better for me. When I started using, I stopped the athletic lifestyle I had before. When I got back to sports, that took up my time, so I did not even think about drinking again. I did not miss it.

Yes, thank you, it is good that I did not get out of control with drinking again. I did feel like I was slower at thought when I went back to work, though (alcohol burns brain cells after all).

SoberandGlad

Yes, I love how people cannot smoke in certain places anymore, even at bars.

MIRecovery

Very very wise words

dwtbd

How would a new temperance movement fare at a wedding party in Cana ?

Eddiebuckle

The only time you need to "deal" with drinkers is when/if their drinking affects you. 9 times out of 10, if their drinking is affecting me, I simply excuse myself from that situation. My sobriety is about my needs and my addiction - I don't see it as a crusade to save others from themselves. Until someone sees their drinking as a problem, nothing external will change that perspective.

ScottFromWI

What works best for me is to not really worry too much about what other drinkers think or do. I don't hang out with the drinking crowd anymore for the most part, and it's really very rare that anyone even notices or asks about it in my daily or social life.

gaffo

I wish I had an easy answer. I have so many friends and family that drink. Some of my friends are full blown alcoholics. They are all from the days before I quit drinking but they are good people and I can't just give them all up. Some I have. One guy, in particular became a full blown liability to me after I quit. I had to quit him and let him spin off. Stopping drinking changed many things in my life. It certainly gave me the perspective to see what a suicide trip hard drinking is. It is painful to witness. My wife drinks every day and I hate it. Loving a drinker seems like a sucker's game since they don't play by any rules! I suppose if I keep sober and look both ways before I cross the street I'll outlive them all. In the meantime, all I can do is try and have an exit strategy for when they get too drunk.

SoberandGlad

I do not think there is anything wrong with telling people they should not binge drink. However, some people drink in moderation and it is not problematic, so I think the expression "live and let live" is appropriate in those cases. I just need to not let others influence me to drink.

Soberwolf

I've always said most of the world is alcoholic

I've never seen 'normal' drinking it is a myth

knoble

Good post, soberwolf. I agree that there's really no difference between a "normal drinker" and a full blown alcoholic. They are only at different stages of the same disease. The "normal drinker" and alcoholic are both taking the same drug...

FeelingGreat

Just a word of sanity here. Alcohol is not a problem for many people who enjoy a drink in moderation. Let's look after our side of the street and not impose our beliefs on people who aren't problem drinkers.

SoberandGlad

I used to think that alcohol is a drug, but now I think differently. While I am very opposed to binge drinking for anyone, I do believe that some may drink responsibly. I cannot judge someone else and the fine line of whether or not their drinking behavior is problematic when they say they can drink in moderation; it is up to them to determine whether they can handle drinking or not. That being said, if the objective is to get drunk, then I would say that the person is problem drinking. Binge drinking and drunkenness are definitely problem drinking, no matter who you are. I do not see this as a disease, but disordered behavior that should not be done and can be corrected. Of course alcohol alters the brain and physiology of the person who drinks, but this is no disease. I think alcoholics anonymous is being a bit naive in calling alcoholism a disease because it is much more complicated than that. Alcoholism is a chemical dependence on alcohol that comes from drinking too much and too often where many aspects of the life of the person who drinks are seriously and negatively altered. It affects the drinker and those around the drinker. But contrary to the disease explanation where the alcoholic has no way out, alcoholism can be corrected. People can stop this negative behavior and many do.