Thesouthern1

Morning everyone, Myself and my husband have come to the realisation that I am an alcoholic - I drink near a bottle of wine every night and have done for the last two years, I feel awful and am ready to change but I know I cant do it myself. I know there is an AA meeting near me at 8pm at night, the thing is I am terrified to go. First off I am not really a believer in a higher being etc and second of all although I am 32 I look about 12 so God only knows what everyone will think of me and if I would be taken seriously??? Also I have two kids aged 2 and 5 and I cant leave them at night as they will not settle for anyone but me - is there ANY other form of help that does not include going out at night? Please help I am so scared of this illness

oak

Smart recovery, lifering, and women for sobriety all have online meetings.

Therapy can also be helpful.

Good luck finding what works best for you!

desypete

aa does have day time meetings not just night time ones : )

everyone was scared at there first meeting and came in with all sorts of ideas about aa and what its like
please dont worry about higher powers or gods or anything else that might put you off from going
just pop along if you can
you could also give the aa hotline a call and i am sure they can help you futher and if you wish have someone call around to see you and maybe take you to your first meeting if you need company
they dont bite honestly ; ) they will be only to happy to try to help

KateL

There are many methods if you read on here. I don't go to AA anymore but I did at first and it's really nothing to worry about xxx

tomsteve

"First off I am not really a believer in a higher being etc and second of all although I am 32 I look about 12 so God only knows what everyone will think of me and if I would be taken seriously??? "

the same thing when they saw me walk in lookin old and haggard- glad I was there.

seems weird to read someone say theyre not really a believer in a HP and use the word God in the same sentence

Thesouthern1

I used to be a believer but I have seen too many cruel things happen to good people to believe that there is someone else out there looking after us all, sad really but just the way life is for me

Nevertheless

Everyone at an AA meeting had to walk through the door for the first time. We all know what it's like.
The ONLY requirement to attend AA is a desire not to drink. Take what you need from it,and leave the rest.
Once you walk through the door and sit down,you will realize there is nothing to be afraid of. You will be glad you did not long after you sit down. It's really no different than walking into a bar,except there is only Coffee. No booze.
There might be other ways. But AA is the simplest,easiest,and cheapest way to beat this in my opinion.
I wish you the best.....
Fred

MIRecovery

Sobriety is about doing whatever is necessary. It is not easy or painless but it is worth it. Your kids will get over someone else putting them to bed they will not get over having a mother that is a drunk. My daughter is gone and it tares me up thinking about the wasted days I can never get back

dox

My daughters were 2 and 5 when I made the decision to go to AA.
I had already begun to let them down: forgetting to take them to birthday parties, etc.

For me the fear of going to an AA meeting was the fear of going without a drink.
I knew that they could help me quit.
But, until the consequences of my drinking got bad enough, I couldn't take that first step.

Eventually, my fears of what would happen to me without a drink were outweighed by my fears of the things that were happening to me, and my family, because of my drinking.

I hope that you don't have to drink any longer.

Well done for asking for help here.
Meeting face to face with other alcoholics is far more helpful, IMHO, than any sort of on-line remedies.
But, I haven't tried them, so what do I know?

All the best to you, Southern1

IOAA2

Hi. It’s interesting that our heads can say we need to stop drinking yet we want to do things our undisciplined way. Given the best way in the world to recover many reject it for the horrors of drinking for far less than smart thinking. The I don’t likes and other life taking fear induced reasons seem to be more important than a happy lifestyle. Go figure!
Sobriety is for those that want it and will go to any length to achieve it by putting in the work required.
Only ourselves can get us sober.

BE WELL

leviathan

Im not fond of everything AA has to say, either. but I have been known to attend a meeting here and there, when at rough spots. they have several sayings and slogans. as you prob know. one is: take the best, leave the rest. most folks believe this and it is respected.

what they offer that is real is fellowship. they have it because they have been the main show for quite a while. you can talk to others with the same problems, and get numbers for friends that can be resources in emergency situations.

you can hang out, and not say a word. no prob. if asked, just say youre not up to speaking right now. they will not pressure you.

also, there is nothing to be scared of. really, I had fear at first (as I said I don't go often), but now know that there really aren't many expectations you have to live up to. ive seen folks that literally dragged themselves out of the gutter to attend, and where still half drunk.

sometimes I get insight. sometimes not. I have never attended and wanted to drink that evening though.

anattaboy

Getting a week or so of abstinence under your belt may help before attempting AA. As a non-theist myself I know how sometimes the "god talk" can distract me from the goal--not drinking. I attend AA sometimes but get most of my inspiration right here. AA Agnostica has a great site also. When I hear "god" I insert the words "common sense" and it helps me--also did the steps that way. Best wishes...

trailrunrbyday

I can only speak from my experience - which was that for ME trying to stop - white knuckling it without any structure, SOLID plan or resources did not work. AA has been incredible, welcoming, supportive and a life saver for me. I do not believe in GOD per se - and have found this to be a non-issue - I do believe in a Power greater in myself - and that is still evolving but the important thing is that AA gave me a place to go to feel among those who understand, support(phone #'s if I need them), accountability, stories of inspiration, stories that scare me (which makes me thankful that I didn't go further DOWN), and above all TOOLS and resources to help me understand how to live my life and take one day at a time. There are countless benefits for me - but as another poster mentioned, I have never left a meeting and went home feeling the need to drink. I leave feeling comforted, or powerful or grateful.

About your daughters - I put this off for way way way too long. My daughter would only fall asleep with me there when she was small. A handful of years later she became distant from me, she would spend her evenings with friends and moved out at a young age. I have no doubt that my drinking played a part in this(I was NOT a loud/messy drunk but more interested in the bottle of wine helping me *get over* my tough day than anything else - it takes a toll - you're not much fun in that state....).

My daughter is now in her 20's and lives on the opposite side of the country. She doesn't remember me putting her to bed but she remembers the ever present bottle of wine on the counter and a mom that was there but never really present. The more I look at my drinking the more I realize the impacts it had that I did not even REALIZE at the time - it saddens me deeply.

Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself - everything and I mean EVERYTHING(and everyone around you) will reap the rewards - even if it doesn't seem clear today.

Good luck - I am so happy that your husband and you are talking about this. I am also fortunate enough to have a supportive husband and our 10 year old son knows Mommy has to go for meetings every night(I skip some but aim for every night) - it's just the way it is - and already our lives are much much richer - He gets me bright eyed and bushy tailed in the mornings and that is just ONE of the many benefits.

All the best.

BTW - I am not saying that AA is the only way - many on here have found other methods that work for them but for me - it has made this incredibly scary and daunting journey feel like I am surrounded by people who are rooting for me - for me nothing replaces real faces and real hugs.

hopeful4

I would expect to be welcomed with open arms. They are not there to judge you.

Even if you are not faith minded, that's ok. You need to be around people who understand what you are going through.

I think it's HUGE you recognize you have a problem. There are lots of different types of help out there, just try different ones until you find one you click with.

I wish you all the luck and success in the world!!! You have an entire life in front of you, it's wonderful you want more for yourself and your family!

XXX

Soberwolf

I am 32 and I'm from the uk there is this site my mum was also an alcoholic we used to have my dad keep an eye on us while my mum was saving herself and then others

This forum is a great place to start and first off your not alone know that !

If I can help further just ask and have a look around the forum

They also do online mtns find out your time in the chat mtn section in the forum

In the UK its Tuesdays and Fridays I think

Another mention is 2 of the most helpful ppl I know on this site is optival and dee 74

Saying that everybody helps everybody it is a melting pot of recovery and other wonders

You can search the ppl using the advance search function and they will be able to help you further

Good luck stay in touch you can do it and well done

heath480

I don't know where you live southern,but most areas have daytime AA meetings.

If you call your local helpline,they can arrange for someone to call you and talk about AA,also arrange for someone to go with you to your first meeting.That is what happens in the area I live.

slamr

I was just like you, until last night. The thought of going to A.A. was embarrassing, and frightening. I got the courage up and went. I told the man leading the group I was nervous. He asked if I was an Alcoholic? I said yes. He said good so are we, that's why we are here. After an hour I realized I wasn't with strangers anymore, I was with Brothers and Sisters in a fight to stay Sober. Try and go one time, if it's not for you that's okay also.

dotboston

It is intimidating to go to that first AA meeting. But you have nothing to worry about! I was terrified to go to my first meeting, and once I went to a few, I realized that everyone there was in the same situation I was in at one point, and it was no big deal.

I do recommend that you do some searching for meetings in your area, and try out a few different types. At least here in the city, there are a lot of different types of meetings, and the dynamic can be a little different with all of them. You may find one or two that you are more comfortable with.

(I'm not huge on the God thing either, but soon you'll figure out that religion isn't really part of it).

PurpleKnight

Sobriety isn't about going to church, or believing in god, it's about not drinking, that's it, nothing more complicated than not having that bottle of wine every night!!

How we manage to do that is our own choice, there are loads of different options, plenty of secular alternatives, even SR isn't one method or another!!

The goal is simply not to drink!! You can do this!!