Approaching an alcoholic (friend/family member) about AA
 

All,

I was hoping to hear advice, suggestions, and experience on this. I've got two alcoholic people in my life who I care for very much: my dad, and a friend. I'm an alcoholic - I attend AA, work the steps, etc. I'm new, however. (35 days sober). At this time, neither of them know I'm in AA - they just think I've quit for health reasons (not that I'm alcoholic) Anyway... in time, I'll talk to them about my drinking and my recovery. For now, I'm just wondering how I could be of help to them. And so begins my dilemma...

Being new, I'm aware I need to focus on working my own program, of course. I also understand I'm nowhere near any point, whatsoever, to work with other alcoholics. I just wish there was something I could do to help them. Perhaps this is best done by simply disclosing the fact I'm in AA and working a recovery program - and then living a good example. Possible explaining to them (keeping 100% focus on ME/MY recovery), what happened, what I'm doing about it, and what it's like now, in recovery, so to speak. Or perhaps that's TMI and over the top?

I know I'm not unique in this situation, feeling helpless and unable to make them see a different (healthy, happy, & harmonious) way to live. I just wish could do something of use for them, as obviously I care. And, until a very short while ago, I was just like them - and unable to see or understand there is a better way to live.

So, I'd very much welcome any thoughts on this. I appreciate your help and respect the collective wisdom here in SR.

Thanks much!

- JC

Exactly what you said. Just let them knowing what you are doing.

Congrats on your decision to quit and your 35 awesome!

I don't have much if any experience with AA, but I do understand how exceedingly personal addiction is.
If it comes up and you feel it is appropriate you might want to share your choice, but your recovery is yours and they are going to do what they are going to do.

My dad was an alcoholic, and he sadly died an alcoholic, the one thing I learnt was that until a person accepts and wants to make a change in their own life, very little can be done, after a while I got tired and frustrated talking about and trying to convince him about changing, until 1 day I finally surrendered and sought peace in the fact, I've raised my concerns, it's now up to him, but sadly the day never came when he sought any help, let alone admit he even had a problem!!

Focus on YOU in all of this, your own Sobriety, and sure it would be great if they changed, but don't jeopardise or put all your energy into something that may not happen, commenting and showing concern can be powerful, but something more is needed, an effort and motivation from the alcoholic themselves!!

Great job on 35 Days!! :)

Great job on quitting drinking.

You've got bigger fish to fry right now. Focus on you. As they say in AA, "stay in your own hula hoop." You have your hands full with your own recovery.

You cannot get them to see the light. They may never stop. Not only that, it is not your job to save them. Be an example. Attraction not promotion.

I truly hope they do find recovery, but they may not.

The Serenity Prayer comes to mind. It applies here. (It applies everywhere :lol:)

What do you think would have helped you when you were still drinking, coming from friend or family?

Most people in USA have heard of AA, so they know of at least that one option if they are interested to quit.

If they see real change in you now that you don't drink, maybe they will be curious what you are doing and open the discussion themselves.

Many new sobers try to save others, good intent but maybe time to focus on your new sobriety. Work the steps and you will come to a place where you are ready to do a solid step 12. Like they say, steps are in order for a reason

Your actions speak louder then words, if they want help and they ask for it, then open up, tell them your expirience, and say something like I know wheres theres help.

Hi and congratulations. Many suggestions are right spot on and there is the fact that there is no harm in trying. Try to be aware that there are pitfalls. It’s often suggested to avoid working with those close to us and with personal experience I believe it. Next is accepting the fact we can’t get anyone sober or drunk, it’s in their court like it or not.
I had a sponsor who did a lot of 12 step calls and said “ a successful 12 step call is when he walks away sober.”
You might search for some pamphlets at meetings for them, or the great book “Living Sober.”

BE WELL

The best advice is read, "Working with others" in the big book. Congrats on your decision to stay to stay sober

The best thing you can do for them right now is give them an example of a happy sober life. Show, don't tell.

I agree with gardendiva. Living a happy, sober life is the first order of recovery.
Working on one's own sobriety should take precedence.

I often think of the airplane oxygen mask metaphor.
We are told to save ourselves first in order that we can later assist those in need of our help..

I have a younger brother and sister who, thankfully, are a part of AA.
I try to set a good example. I have been to meetings with both of them.
And yet, I cannot tell them anything.
Nor could anyone have told me anything until I was ready to listen.

Anonymity means much more to us than simply keeping our alcoholism a secret.

In time, I hope you will know when, or whether, to break your anonymity.

All sound advice already given. Perhaps though, there may be a passive approach.
One day just be there nonchalantly going over a first step work packet - if you have one.
Ask one of your "marks" if they think you might have missed anything. That would at least let them know what you are doing and possibly get them thinking about themselves. You would be asking them to assist you. No harm, no foul.
Congrats on 35 days.