gardendiva

I'm at 4.5 months and struggling with depression and a loud AV. I have a psych visit scheduled next week. I feel like I'm sinking; I have no passion for life. My business is not doing well. Everything is dull and pointless. Intellectually I know alcohol won't help but I'm still having very strong cravings and urges.

I think I will go to AA today.

Any encouragement, advice, or just plain silliness is appreciated.

doggonecarl

Stay strong. You know drinking won't help, but I know how strong the alllure is to escape with drinking. So go back to the basics, to the things that got you through those early days of recovery--support, distractions, and treating yourself special in little ways.

IOAA2

Hi. Sometimes we don’t see the obvious like meetingS, being grateful, talking to another alcoholic, picking up the phone instead of a drink, BEING GRATEFUL that if we don’t pick up we wont have to try to get sober AGAIN.

BE WELL

Croissant

Ummm, Guinea Pigs don't drink or need alcohol!?

Hugs.

Sorry you are feeling low. I sometimes like to go have a shower and cry and rant if I have to. Today I even threw a wet face washer at the tiles. It made a very satisfying thwack!!....I think I'm going to keep that trick in my sobriety toolbox!

The hardest times sometimes push us through to the next level. It's where we have to stand up and love ourselves enough not to drink that stupid poison that was slowly killing us.

Anna

Can you take time to do something special for yourself today? Some exercise could help you to get through this, too. I'm glad you posted and that you're going to be talking to your therapist.

jdooner

I had to change how I approached Addison and change my entire life. At 4.5 months, I was just coming into a place where I was beginning to accept my alcoholism. I began working the steps in earnest. That helped me.

trachemys

Exercise and ice cream, Diva. Exercise and ice cream.

Notimetoloose

GD, have you read about PAWS, it sucks and at times it feels relentless...it appears to affect some more than others...I would get waves of it that would last for weeks and to be honest sometimes the only thing that stopped me from drinking was a Paws apathy.

Also knowing that drinking was not a solution.

I also run a business and have struggled attempting to get through the tough times.
I am over 9 months and the last 2 weeks have been really great....the best so far...I feel better mentally, finally.
I am hopeless at talking things over and yet when I do I feel the benefits, talking really helps....
Physical exercise and brain exercises help as well....

biminiblue

Turtle beat me to the exercise and ice cream answer.

Like the Serenity Prayer, it works for everything.

GD, tough it out. Hang the eff on, Guinea. We got you.

RobbyRobot

We expect life to get better when we quit, and it does to a degree. Eventually though the honeymoon is over and life yet remains defined by how we choose to live it now alcohol free.

Depression is no small matter, and can really suck the joy out of living even with doing all the right moves to live well. There are no easy answers to these difficult experiences your having at 4.5 months.

In my early months of sobriety, I embraced struggle as a permanent and fixed experience in my sober lifestyle. Struggle itself was not and still isn't a problem for me. And believe me, I have some serious struggles, lol.

When we can get past ourselves enough to appreciate our responses to struggle are the most important experiences for us to focus on, rather than the struggle itself, a whole new world of opportunities present.

I believe in you, Diva. Your much more than what your struggles represent. You've already shown for 4.5 months your doing the right things for you. Sure, we can always do better, and yet, its important we also recognize our current achievements even as we struggle.

Best to you Diva

dwtbd

Maybe a subtle jedi mind trick coud help, even just for today. Stipulate that you are in fact a nondrinker(as opposed to a drinker 'quitting'), the non trick part here is that this part is factual.
Now approach the AV ramblings in a manner that shows that you are determined to not start drinking, nondrinkers don't drink, again not a trick this part is factual. Just for today, or even a 'smaller' now, stipulate that nothing on heaven or earth will be acceptable as a reason(happy-sad, good-bad) to drink. Remember though it is only a trick and it will only work when you use it.
May the force be with you

24hrsAday

Indeed. "I" need to Remember this one...

ScottFromWI

Sorry to hear you are having a bad day Gardendiva. Glad to hear that you are seeing a counselor next week though and if you think an AA meeting would help absolutely go. I'm with Carl - keep things simple and try and be grateful for the things you have today. You are alive, you are sober and you have a large amount of friends and supporters here at SR, tha'ts a good start, right?

gardendiva

IOAA I am grateful for SR and each and every response here, thank you. Carl - back to basics- that would be focusing on not taking the first drink on this day, thank you. Anna after AA I am going to browse at B&N, thank you. Jdooner I don't believe that step work is necessarily the key to my long term sobriety but a meeting will help me refocus and stay sober today, thank you. Trachy - just walked the dog and will stock up on Skinny Cow, thank you. As usual, wise words Robby, thank you. Dwtbd, I am a non drinker, thank you. Yes Scott I am amazingly blessed in this life, thank you.

I'm going to try to cry it out in the shower then off to AA. I'll check in later.

freshstart57

Gardendiva, consider you are a doting parent, caring for and raising a young helpless child. This child is your new persona, an unsure and frightened but sober person. Give yourself the care and concern which would be appropriate to give a child. Be kind and generous to yourself, be understanding and accepting. When this proves difficult, ask yourself if your expectations of yourself are reasonable under your present circumstances.

You are creating a most amazing thing, a new vision of Gardendiva in the world she inhabits. This is an incredible feat, and shows the triumph of the spirit, a demand for something better.

And ice cream. Get yourself some ice cream.

zjw

In my case I new going backwards was no solution. I honestly questioned going forward but moved ahead forward blindly and grinned and beared it. It got better. Lifes got its ups and downs its not always peaches and sunshine. If todays bad so what tommorrow you get another crack at it.

Soberpotamus

Sometimes I find the best I can do in a day is to give myself a big break... and curl up in my bed and rest, maybe with a book... or maybe just lie there and let the tears flow.

The important thing is to know without a shadow of a doubt that you will regret it BIG TIME if you drink again. It is only in the temporary that it seems like a good idea... but we all know it's the worst idea.

Hang in there, Guinea Pig You're working things out. It takes time. Life itself is the reward, even on dull days where nothing makes sense.

Lenina

I'm proud of you, darling Guinea Pig! you came here, reached out with your post and forward you go! I used to have bad days, days where I just needed to cry! It's OK! Your body chemicals are readjusting! Crying helped me. in fact, I wish I could do more of it.

Let us know how your day progresses. We care.

Love form Lenina

growpath

garden - I know that feeling all too well. I also know each time I have picked back up because of it I landed two steps backwards and months behind.

Don't drink hun. Your post always make me smile. Stay close to us and know we are here for you!

The only way out is through and you WILL get through this, sober. Drinking would just complicate everything. And remember this too shall pass. May take some time, but it WILL pass!

gardendiva

AA was good, nothing spectacular, but good. Grounding. There was a flyer for the WAFT conference, which was great to see in the bible belt.

I bought David Sedaris's Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk at B&N. He always makes me laugh.

Yesterday's depression was paralyzing so I'm trying to keep moving today. The black cloud also made me shut my kids out so I'm trying to engage with them.

This place helps me so much.