doublecheck

How do you fit in when your not drinking and let go of all the stresses in life? I have been sober for 3 and a half years. I am always perceived as series unless I was drunk. I use to be able to let lose when drunk and have fun. I don't even know how to have fun and it's been over 3 years. Is drinking the only way for me to fit in and have fun?

MIRecovery

People that don't drink fit in just fine with people who have a beer or a glass of wine. It is when you hang out with heavy drinkers that there are problems. Sobriety is about so much more than not drinking

fini

dc,

fitting in depends on the crowd you want to fit in with.

in a basically not-focused-on-drinking group that was doing something you're interested in, you'd like have much better chances of feeling you fit.

maybe think along the lines of things you enjoy or want to learn about.....

jdooner

What have you been doing for recovery over the past three years? I find you get out what you put in. For me recovery is much more than abstaining from drinking. I fee like I have changed everything about me and am genuinely liking the new me much more than the old me. This makes it sort of impossible to go back to my old habits, including drinking and using. This also means I don't do the same things I used to but without drinking. I don't socialize with people I find boring unless I am inebriated. I have more stimulating conversations. I don't watch mind numbing shows on TV to pass the time before bed. I don't sit next to my wife on the couch talking about the weather. Instead I engage in meaningful conversations. This is just my experience though.

soberlicious

Hi doublecheck,
What do you mean "let loose"? Do you mean socializing is hard? As in laughing, talking, dancing, playing games...what is hard for you? What do you like to do for fun that you are finding yourself unable to do without drinking? And what have you tried doing and how did it fail?

doggonecarl

Soberlicious asked the question I had...how do you define fun?

MelindaFlowers

When I stopped drinking I realized my karaoke career was over. Done. There is no way I could get up and sing sober. I have received more than my share of standing ovations and rapturous applause.

Part me of misses the ability to totally let go and be zany as hell but then I'm forgetting the blackouts and embarrassment. More importantly I'm forgetting the health problems.

Fitting in and having fun sure is different when we're sober. I have to remind myself that I never drank during the day so the things I did for fun before during the day are exactly the same: eating out for lunch, tennis, heck, even Disneyland. Many of the fun things we do stay the same.

As for the going out and getting drunk fun, it's just over. You know how 20 year olds can do a keg stand and everyone cheers? Well it looks different when we're 40. Then it looks pathetic and weird.

It's for this reason that I think as we mature and get older we have to give up certain things we thought were fun. It's just a new and different kind of fun. For me, one thing I give up is karaoke. I even did a one-handed cartwheel during my last karaoke night out without dropping the microphone. There was some fun while it lasted but it truly wasn't healthy fun. Nobody should have to drink that much to have fun.

When it comes to evening activities, I certainly will never stay sitting on a porch for hours like I did while drinking. Evening activities will probably be more brief and I'll get to bed at a reasonable time. People in their 30's shouldn't stay up til 3 am anyways.

Dee74

Hey doublecheck - I fit in just fin and have loads of fun. I'm not saying that to rub it or anything, just to let you know it's possible.

I had to change a few things tho - I had to change my social circle because they were all heavy drinkers. To hang with that crowd you either have to drink, or watch people drink. That's not fun.

My friends now either don't drink at all or drink a little bit. It's not the common element behind my relationships anymore.
I also had to change my idea of fun. My idea of fun before was drinking.

I have loads of fun now, I do a lot of things I never did before because I was drinking - hobbies, interests, movies, picnics. meeting people for coffee, playing and listening to music....

Recovery is meant to be enjoyed I think. What would it take for you to start to enjoy it, doublecheck?

D

lillyknitting

Please tell me what is this fun that you think you're missing out on?

PurpleKnight

Every Sunday morning, I now go to the local newsagent and buy a newspaper, I stand and chat to the guy that owns the store about a range of things, sport, the weather, what he's been up to that week, neither of us are in any hurry, it's a relaxing Sunday morning after all!!

I then go to a local coffee shop and as I read my newspaper, hangover free, the regular people that come in every week start to filter in, I then have some more coffee and have some great conversation, which sees me through until the afternoon.

I never imagined that this activity went on every Sunday morning, it was a great discovery when I got Sober, the fun and enjoyment in life is out there, alcohol is not the centre of the universe!!

Soberwolf

Whatever is missing can be found I suggest baz lurhman's sunscreen song
Isn't 3 and a half years amazing I know i feel great at 13 months can't wait to get to where u are

There must be happiness 1000 days and ur unhappy ??


There's always room at this table and try to stay positive ur sober

hopeful4

I am not a big drinker but thought I would throw this out there. Our local casino has a ladies night where ladies eat free. Last night I went with four of my coworkers. I took in $24, $4 for a tip after my free dinner which includes a softdrink, and $20 to play slots. I did not take in any other money.

My coworkers and I had a blast playing penny and quarter slots for two hours on our $20! It was so fun. None of us had anything to drink but soda. Do you have the self control to do something like that??

Before I broke my leg I went biking with friends and my other friend and I are horrible but love to go volley around a tennis ball. I have joined a book club as I really like to read.

I think it's just a matter of finding what you are interested in. Be honest so you have face to face support from people who love you and will support doing non-drinking things with you.

Good Luck!

Soberwolf

Addictive personality and casino's don't go saying that I've never bet in my life or extreme rarely everybody is different I say this as my brother is in GA
How about skydive for a fresh perspective for charity I'm doing ,1 soon can't wait never done something like that I'm gonna fly I tells ya !

Flying through the air will change everything for me

doublecheck

I guess fun is letting go not caring what others think. Gambling isn't fun anymore need to bet a lot to enjoy it. No thrill in betting 20 bucks. Over 1000 days is crazy to think about. I have changed quite a bit since I stopped drinking. Just have been less social mostly because I find social settings boring. I use to go to parties even a non drinking party to drink now I have no reason to go to a party. Ironic is I am in sales have to talk to people on a daily bases lol.

thedryoutdrsmn

I think this is good advise, time flies when I'm fishing and hunting, and talk about feeling distressed and fresh!

thedryoutdrsmn

I'm glad to hear this!
I feel like this is what it can look like, and it makes me hopeful

pakman

LOL! This I can relate.

zerothehero

Maybe after all that sales work you'd just rather get away from people. I am surrounded by people at work and lately rarely want to socialize after.

I know I am more self-conscious and reserved now that I'm sober. People say I've changed, by which they mean I'm not as fun. I'm fun, I just don't often act like an idiot, and being around people acting like idiots gets old fast even though I'm as guilty as everyone else. People might think I'm uptight, but if I'm around people I want quality conversation. If the conversation is inane I can joke around a bit but tire of the scene pretty fast. Small talk - eh. I'm not a schmoozer.

I still let loose at shows (live music) and dance like a freak. I'm just not drunk or high.

zerothehero

I perform (sing/instruments) and sometimes I feel like a deer in headlights on stage. I used to "warm up" with a couple of beers, but when I get on stage cold sober, I have to play a few songs to warm up. Unfortunately, the beginning of my shows tend to be stiff. It takes time to win people over after that.

SoberHoopsFan

The problem is society has brainwashed and conditioned us from a young age to believe that alcohol is the "only" way for adults to have fun. It's nonsense. Before you had your first drink, did you sit around wondering how you could ever have fun without alcohol? No, you had fun like any other kid and alcohol wasn't even a thought on your mind. The psychological addiction to alcohol has convinced so much of society that there is no other way to have fun, that's how the drug hooks you. I'll tell you one thing alcohol does - it ruins a fun time. Go to a party or bar later in the night and tell me how many of the people there are having "fun." Most of them are just stupefied by the booze, many are violent, argumentative, nonsensical, and incapable of speaking anything intelligent. These same people were probably having a great time with friends and the environment before enough of the drug took hold as the evening wore on.

See alcohol for what it is and you will be free of it. The only true way to get enjoyment in life is through sobriety. Freedom from the enslavement of booze. Sounds like with all your sober time you already have it, stop pining for something that brought you misery and enjoy yourself. Let alcohol ruin the fun for everyone else and have your own.