Did it again...four day relapse
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: NY
Posts: 44
Did it again...four day relapse
Hi there - having a really tough day. I'd been doing very well over the past six months or so. Not practicing total abstinence but very close to it. Had lost the cravings to drink, could take it or leave it, or so I thought. Then Thursday night, BAM.
I knew I shouldn't have gone out because I was definitely having a manic energy day (I get them every few weeks or so), but I decided what the heck, meet up with some friends. Bad idea - was out way too late and overdid it. Then Friday wasn't as bad, but I did drink. Then Saturday night was a bachelorette party. While I was definitely the most sober lady there, it was still too much for me. Then yesterday I went to a birthday party and drank a little bit just to even me out. (Red flag! Red flag! So bad.)
I just feel like it builds up in my system and my body never processes the alcohol, or if it does it takes FOREVER. I'm so out of it, can't concentrate, random hot flashes, tingly neuropathy stuff, blurry vision. I can't can't can't can't do this anymore. I hate this feeling and just want it to go away. I know I have to just ride it out but ughh...and I'm so super scared that something bad's going to happen, like this is the only the beginning and I could feel sicker as the day goes on.
Disappointed that I got myself here again, but I also know how bad it could get and that I CAN stop it before it gets any worse. Just feeling like a total waste right now and don't know what to do with myself.
I knew I shouldn't have gone out because I was definitely having a manic energy day (I get them every few weeks or so), but I decided what the heck, meet up with some friends. Bad idea - was out way too late and overdid it. Then Friday wasn't as bad, but I did drink. Then Saturday night was a bachelorette party. While I was definitely the most sober lady there, it was still too much for me. Then yesterday I went to a birthday party and drank a little bit just to even me out. (Red flag! Red flag! So bad.)
I just feel like it builds up in my system and my body never processes the alcohol, or if it does it takes FOREVER. I'm so out of it, can't concentrate, random hot flashes, tingly neuropathy stuff, blurry vision. I can't can't can't can't do this anymore. I hate this feeling and just want it to go away. I know I have to just ride it out but ughh...and I'm so super scared that something bad's going to happen, like this is the only the beginning and I could feel sicker as the day goes on.
Disappointed that I got myself here again, but I also know how bad it could get and that I CAN stop it before it gets any worse. Just feeling like a total waste right now and don't know what to do with myself.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Go at things again!!
However when I got Sober, I really needed to make some changes to the people I hung out with and the activities I got involved in to protect my Sobriety, parties, birthdays and nights out at the weekend were off the table for a long time!!
You can do this!!
However when I got Sober, I really needed to make some changes to the people I hung out with and the activities I got involved in to protect my Sobriety, parties, birthdays and nights out at the weekend were off the table for a long time!!
You can do this!!
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by jmnyc 
Not practicing total abstinence but very close to it. Had lost the cravings to drink, could take it or leave it, or so I thought. Then Thursday night, BAM.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
It is so easy to just keep going once you break that promise to yourself...
Interesting that you mentioned the hot flashes - now, in my late 40s and female, I get those also when I drink to excess, and in the extreme with night sweats. I thought they were part of the ageing process, but when I quit drinking they completely went away.
My body has changed with ageing. I feel simply horrible physically when I drink to excess, and then keep drinking to keep that physical discomfort in check. It is a very negative cycle.
Vanity also rears its ugly head. I am already struggling with issues of not feeling as beautiful and confident as I used to, and a few weeks of regular drinking leave me bloated, with dark circles under my eyes. It just exaggerates my discouragement. Plus I don't eat well, don't exercise, don't take time to prettify when I am drinking. So my (already precarious) self-esteem takes a dive.
It is hard when you feel like not drinking takes you out of a dynamic social loop, when you feel like you're missing events.
Even at my most powerfully sober, sipping on a delicate fizzy water, I still feel exhausted after attending an alcohol themed event and self-excluding from the alcohol. I don't know if it ever gets particularly easy.
My only solution is to really throw myself into AA. Not just meetings, but by really being part of the community. Remember that everyone else there is also struggling to fill this new and unfamiliar space in their lives. We don't just have to use AA phone numbers to call and share our troubles in difficult times. You can also call someone and plan a bike ride, host a brunch, go bowling with a bunch of AA folks. I kept waiting for AA folks to invite me somewhere outside the meeting. Guess what? They are shy and awkward about that too! As much as I am! So I'm attempting to build a sober social life which will sustain me, championing ideas for activities that I actually WANT to do. I'm making friends, and it feels a bit awkward and new, but it is happening...
Interesting that you mentioned the hot flashes - now, in my late 40s and female, I get those also when I drink to excess, and in the extreme with night sweats. I thought they were part of the ageing process, but when I quit drinking they completely went away.
My body has changed with ageing. I feel simply horrible physically when I drink to excess, and then keep drinking to keep that physical discomfort in check. It is a very negative cycle.
Vanity also rears its ugly head. I am already struggling with issues of not feeling as beautiful and confident as I used to, and a few weeks of regular drinking leave me bloated, with dark circles under my eyes. It just exaggerates my discouragement. Plus I don't eat well, don't exercise, don't take time to prettify when I am drinking. So my (already precarious) self-esteem takes a dive.
It is hard when you feel like not drinking takes you out of a dynamic social loop, when you feel like you're missing events.
Even at my most powerfully sober, sipping on a delicate fizzy water, I still feel exhausted after attending an alcohol themed event and self-excluding from the alcohol. I don't know if it ever gets particularly easy.
My only solution is to really throw myself into AA. Not just meetings, but by really being part of the community. Remember that everyone else there is also struggling to fill this new and unfamiliar space in their lives. We don't just have to use AA phone numbers to call and share our troubles in difficult times. You can also call someone and plan a bike ride, host a brunch, go bowling with a bunch of AA folks. I kept waiting for AA folks to invite me somewhere outside the meeting. Guess what? They are shy and awkward about that too! As much as I am! So I'm attempting to build a sober social life which will sustain me, championing ideas for activities that I actually WANT to do. I'm making friends, and it feels a bit awkward and new, but it is happening...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: NY
Posts: 44
Vanity, ageing, hot flashes, yes yes and yes. Though other people tell me they don't notice a difference, I DEFINITELY notice a difference in my appearance from even one night of drinking. And if it's vanity that keeps me sober, I'll take it. 
Abstinence is and has always been my long term goal, I've been kind of baby-stepping it but now I think it's time to do it for REAL, and make the big push.
Believe it or not, I actually have a lot of sober friends who are in AA. My roommate is actually sober and he's super helpful and good at finding sober things to do. So I'm trying to kind of shift toward those groups of people. My friends who do drink are 100% supportive of me not drinking. Ultimately, the only one who's responsible for my sobriety is me. I've been kind of dancing around AA - had some good experiences over the years, some bad. But it's likely time to give it a real go.
Abstinence is and has always been my long term goal, I've been kind of baby-stepping it but now I think it's time to do it for REAL, and make the big push.
Believe it or not, I actually have a lot of sober friends who are in AA. My roommate is actually sober and he's super helpful and good at finding sober things to do. So I'm trying to kind of shift toward those groups of people. My friends who do drink are 100% supportive of me not drinking. Ultimately, the only one who's responsible for my sobriety is me. I've been kind of dancing around AA - had some good experiences over the years, some bad. But it's likely time to give it a real go.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Don't beat yourself up it's happened
What do you want to do now ?
Your defiantly not a waste you got to stop all that as tough as it sounds you have to get selfish to get sober with the emphasis on self !
I would stop going near any place with alcohol otherwise its only going to get worse before it gets better
Jump back on the horse of sobriety and start making an all new action plan where you detail triggers ie events stressful situations etc and try to avoid these things if you are serious in stopping drinking
I'm not telling you to do these things but it helps sorry if i sound forward its only because I care
Good luck in succeeding I'm sure your can do this
What do you want to do now ?
Your defiantly not a waste you got to stop all that as tough as it sounds you have to get selfish to get sober with the emphasis on self !
I would stop going near any place with alcohol otherwise its only going to get worse before it gets better
Jump back on the horse of sobriety and start making an all new action plan where you detail triggers ie events stressful situations etc and try to avoid these things if you are serious in stopping drinking
I'm not telling you to do these things but it helps sorry if i sound forward its only because I care
Good luck in succeeding I'm sure your can do this
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
You know, I think there is a HUGE difference between being abstinent and very close to it. Speaking from my experience, when alcohol was an option to me, the obsession never lifted and the cravings never stopped. When I stopped drinking and alcohol was no longer an option, then my mind began finding healthy ways to deal with things.
I hope you forgive yourself and move forward and I hope you decide to stop drinking.
I hope you forgive yourself and move forward and I hope you decide to stop drinking.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Hi jmnyc.
I agree with Anna. As long as I allowed it to be in my life I was putting myself in danger. There was no telling what would happen once it got in my system. It was less exhausting to stop all together, rather than pretend I could ever control it.
I'm glad you wanted to talk about what happened. You're with people who understand, and none of us think you're a 'waste'. You will get there.
I agree with Anna. As long as I allowed it to be in my life I was putting myself in danger. There was no telling what would happen once it got in my system. It was less exhausting to stop all together, rather than pretend I could ever control it.
I'm glad you wanted to talk about what happened. You're with people who understand, and none of us think you're a 'waste'. You will get there.
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