AmberNichole

I have been here a few times. I have been drinking from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed. I'm the definition of a functional alcoholic surprisingly. I just finished up my Associates degree with honors and applied to one of the most competitive bachelors programs in the state. So today I state the bachelors RN program and my kids are all starting school again. Although I have pretty much buzzed or drunk my entire schooling so far, this is not going to work in nursing school. During clinical in the hospitals, I could seriously hurt someone. Not to mention I could be jeopardizing my entire academic future. So today is a new day and I have no choice but to completely stop, today. I am hoping that I can get through this. I do not have a choice in the matter this time.

IOAA2

Hi Amber. You are correct in that if a drinking situation is discovered the loses can start immediately and be long lasting.
In the program I’m in it’s a given we are honest with our self about OUR drinking and accept the fact we cannot drink in safety. That's the start Then the work begins to get AND stay sober because alcohol is powerful, cunning and baffling and quickly tries to convince us it’s OK to have one drink for many reasons.
I needed to be in close contact with people who understood me as an alcoholic and be a guide about staying stopped.
Many people on this forum are very helpful also. Keep coming even if you don't want to.

BE WELL

dwtbd

Congrats on what you have accomplished so far. Imagine how much more of an edge you would have in a highly competitive environment if your mental acuity were even sharper. Whem I am buzzed or drunk, a significant part of my attention and motivation is focused on the buzzed part.
wish you well and hope to see you around and hear you kicking the crap out of the competition!!

trailrunrbyday

You aren't high functioning - you just got where you have despite your alcoholism. I have racked up some pretty impressive accolades while drinking daily myself as a stock broker and investment advisor with my own firm - Imagine how much more amazing we would both be without booze!!!!

I am happy you recognize the time has come - I am happy to see you here and I hope you find a plan/approach that works well for you. I work a program daily and go to meetings daily - I am stronger and happier than I have been in a very long time. AND.....I'm gonna kick the hell out of my job(in a good way) now - I was good before - I will be GREAT now

Welcome!!!!!!

PurpleKnight

Hey Amber, welcome back!!

Are you doing this on sheer will power? what other support are you getting? meetings? etc

Nothing changes if nothing changes, we need to change up our plan if it's not working!!

You can do this!!

AmberNichole

Just doing it by myself. I am constantly running around from 6am to 6pm now. I'm basically keeping myself too busy to drink. Plus i honestly have put it in my brain that drinking is just not an option. No matter what excuse my brain tries to come up with, it's just a big fat no. I'll buy an energy drink or coffee instead.
The worst is going to be a night, when i'm trying to relax. I do not think i am too physically addicted (not quite sure how not when i drink pretty much 24/7), but the mental aspect is really hard. It's 6:30pm now and I'm finally home. I didn't drink today and i am sure i won't.
One of my habits that is hard for me to overcome in buying a mikes harder lemonade and drinking git in my car when i'm going places. (horrible, i know). What I don't get is I do not even feel it, but it is my habit. Today while driving to school, I bought a Rockstar energy drink and put it where id normally put my mikes, so that i had that to reach for.
Idk, we will see how this works. lol

Kaneda8888

I would seriously recommend creating a recovery plan. Differs for everyone but try and see what works for you. Support was essential for me, I couldn't doit on my own. AA is the most convenient support available. It might work for you. I do know that white knuckling it doesnt last very long. At the least I would recommend that you join your class in the Newcomers section (month of August). That helped me a lot. Be patient with yourself and keep moving forward !

trailrunrbyday

I echo Kenada - I certainly wish you success - absolutely I do - but I myself didn't last long without coping mechanisms, support materials, understanding people and a program last time. Three weeks was my max for solo white knuckle success. I am just past my three week mark this time but my approach is much more supported and it has been a very different(and much improved) experience.

Take it a day at a time and explore what you can support yourself with to help you keep moving forward and growing in your sobriety.

AmberNichole

Thanks everyone. So far so good. Just got out of one of my classes. It's 12pm here and other than a mild craving last night, I have been better than I ever have. Normally I would have cravings 24/7, but honestly I don't even want any. Over the last week I did wean down to the equilivent of a couple beers per day. As of now I'm on day two and don't even want to drink. I know things can turn around very quickly, and of that happens I'm going to reach out. I have never felt this good and determined before. I've always wanted to stop for the wrong reasons and had nothing to replace that alcohol addiction with. This time it is a little different for me and I feel pretty good.

sobercalmwishes

I know you can do it. You sound like an amazing and driven person. I love your honesty too. Ive known many people who just quit because they wanted to and that keeps me going. Those people are my inspiration. You can do it too. I understand the time constraints being a working mom myself and that is why I joined SR and keep coming back for the extra support because its do able and Injust keep plugging along until I finally break my bad habit of using alcohol to relax and soothe myself.

I for one admire all that you've achieved and I have no doubt at all that you can achieve this goal of yours too.

ScottFromWI

Sounds like you are definitely on the right track Amber. Glad to hear that you aren't letting your guard down either, there is many times an initial "pink cloud" where you feel on top of the world from your early sobriety, but then reality sets in. Be strong, do you have any formal plan outside of SR?

AmberNichole

No I don't really have a plan outside of what I'm doing. I am gone from home from 6am to 6pm, then i come home do dinner, and then it's homework until I go to bed. I don't have much time for everything else.

Before when I tried to quit it was always for other people. It was because other people viewed it was wrong, my husband (not my ex) would bitch about me drinking, i knew it was bad to drink and drive according to the law, for my kids, ect. The only reason I had personally to stop drinking was to lose weight, but then i'd say to myself that i don't care about my weight when Im drunk. Ultimately I did not want to stop drinking, i felt like I HAD to.

This time, nursing school is something very important to me. I want to be a nurse. I want to make good money. I want to be proud of myself. I needed to be selfish in this choice. I learned that I could not do this for anyone else (even my own children as bad as that sounds).

Today is day three and I am feeling very good. Lost 4 lbs already too. Amazing what not drinking 3000 calories a day can accomplish lol. No withdrawals for the most part. Ive had trouble falling asleep, but some Bynadryl fixed that last night. I've had a few cravings. I just imagine the taste and it makes me want to gag. I also try to remember how I'd feel every morning and how horrible it was. I honestly did not eat more than a couple hundred calories in a day while drinking. I am actually getting hungry. Haven't felt that in a long time.

sobercalmwishes

that's awesome! You're doing great!!! Love your attitude!! You have some great reasons. I could never do it for all the right moral reasons or for anyone else either. I had to want it for myself. This time it's peaceful instead of a dread. Hardly any withdrawals either. I used a Motrin and it put me to sleep.

Love to hear your update!!

AmberNichole

Oh, just saw I made a mistake. I meant "now my ex". Whoops

Dee74

Welcoem back AmberNichole

Regarding plans it's good at the very least to think about scenarios - what if someone asks you out after class for a drink...or invites you to a party?

what if you've had a really bad day? how can you deal with stress?

It's really good not to underestimate the task....and remember there is always support here.

Use it when you need help - before not after

D

AmberNichole

Been wanting a drink tonight, but I won't. My ex had his daughter dropped off here at my house on his visitation day. I don't have school tomorrow to keep me occupied and i will have 5 kids here that I have to deal with by myself. I have about 2000 pages of school work to read this weekend and i know it is going to HORRIBLE with all these kids here. On top of that I barley have enough food for my own kids. This child is obese and eats more than all of my kids put together. if i don't let her eat whenever she is hungry i get yelled at by my ex and her mom. Ughhh vent over. I can do this. Lots of energy drinks for me this weekend, so i have something to reach for that isn't alcohol.

matt4x4

What are your plans? We all have great plans and ambitions in life, but if we dont do anything about it, then nothing is done. I have learned that I cant stop on my own. You probably know this too, but perhaps you fool yourself into thinking you can do it on your own this time because you come to a realization that you knew before. See the brain, it loves to fool ya. I know of only one thing out of the 100 things I have tried that has worked 100%. Alcoholics Anonymous. And not some fluffy AA, dive head first into the program of AA. Meaning you do all 12 steps in a few months. Thats what its meant to be, a program of action. Not a program of inaction, day-dreaming.

AmberNichole

AA is impossible for me. Unless I take all 4 kids with me at 9pm. Just won't work. I am a very driven and motivated person when it is my decision to do something. I have told a few close people as well, and I don't want to have to tell the I failed. My children even know I quit drinking. My 13yo son even thought he caught me once, but it was a redbull lol. Today is my 7th day. I am still feeling pretty confidant. I have had my up and downs, but I still have not even had a sip of alcohol. Instead of avoiding the alcohol isle and gas stations, i am making myself confront those places. I have to keep reminding myself to eat though. I didn't eat much food at all when i was drinking and i tend to forget to eat. I catch myself getting dizzy. I am starting to enjoy food again though!