Hawks

I didn't forget, living dry got too painful, so I drank.

But a bit like Pete, I managed a handful of drinks and went to bed. Next day I thought.... I overplayed it all. It didn't go back to where I left off like everyone in AA said it would.

So I kept drinking just to see what was going to happen.

It kicked my butt, took a while to wind back up, but it did.

I won't make the mistake of running dry in AA this time around.

GracieLou

I have never forgotten but it does not weigh on my mind all day long either.

The AA program, for me, is a way of life but I do have to practice it every day for it to remain clear to me.

I no longer obsess over alcohol and I have no cravings but I can still behave like an active alcoholic. I can get angry and resentful very easy and while I assume that this also happens for most normal people, I can't afford that luxury. I can't sit in my pity party, resentments or anger. I have to move away from them quickly and let go. I also can't lie and manipulate. This is something else I can't afford. The weight is to heavy for me now

All the negative feelings that I used to have as an active alcoholic I can and do still have but I can see and feel them now. I am allowed to feel anything I wish but how I react to those feelings is what makes the difference for me today.

Not letting those negative feelings and actions back into my everyday life is key for me. Practicing them does not remind me I am an alcoholic though. It just reminds me I am human and that I am trying to the best of my ability to be a better person one day at a time.

I continue to attend meetings because I have to continue to learn. AA, for me, is not a treatment program. I am not done because I am sober. It is where I can help and support other alcoholics and where I get help and support. For me, there is nothing more powerful then when someone says "I understand, I have been there too". I need to hear that and I need to be there to say it to another.

Pipping

I've been sober almost a year and I only now, just in the last few weeks feel anything like a normal functioning person. I truly believe that if I drink again I will die. I hope to God I never drink again as this recovery has been brutal at times and I don't have another one in me. I wish everyone well in their journey and hang in there. All the best

Johno1967

I've been sober two years and still catch myself staring at a booze bottle on a shelf from time to time.
Given a choice of a drink or a gun in my mouth I think I'd take the latter. If I'm going to kill myself I may as well get it over with quick.
Active alcoholism is slow death, recovery is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of my spiritual condition. I read the 12 steps and BB everyday so I don't forget. Now I know why AA's greet themselves as alcoholics.
My old man was sober 8 years before he picked up his "only one". I heard he died a couple of years ago, a lonely skid row type of death.
That's the bottom line of it.

MIRecovery

Every shred of evidence shows me I'm an alcoholic which means I simply can't drink

iggy24

did you believe you had a lifelong disease or was it something you learned in recovery circles?

can you honestly say you would have that belief automatically if it wasn't taught to you over and over?

I have that amount of sobriety..I know some people believe this thing is lifelong for everybody. In times of depression or a hangover i kind of entertained the notion In a clear mind I do not..i wish them the best.who think that truly. It doesn't make any sense for me to think that way even if i choose sobriety.

Johno1967

I personally have only ever been to one AA meeting so no one has ever fed me anything. I will say that I tested the hypothesis that I can drink normally for 25 years and failed every attempt. I also tested another hypothesis many times that I could go without a drink for a number of weeks and then walk in a bar, order one drink and promptly walk out without desiring another. Also doesn't work. No one needs to brainwash me to see something that's pretty clear when we learn to open our eyes. I've a masters degree on science but yet it took me years to realize the insanity of my drinking. Everyone has a choice. So do you. We live by those choices.

silentrun

I just knew. I knew I had two choices...quit or become a slave to the cravings.

iggy24

oh my eyes are open.. you don't have to go to meetings or even be an addict to hear that lifelong disease mantra a 1,000 times over. you can even hear it with your eyes shut... remember "culture isn't the biggest thing...it's everything"

SoberLeigh

Some days I feel I have a brain like a sieve. Hopefully the brain cells that hold my alcoholic memory are large enough to never slip through.

Pagekeeper

Currently, I have 6 yrs sobriety. But before this sober time, I was on and off the wagon for five years. I had a year twice and went back out.

The first time I started to think it had been a whole year, and surely my body was back to "normal." Umm .. no. I was literally back to drinking the same amount as the year before within a week.

The second time I relapsed I cannot really explain, except to say I had not enlarged my spiritual life, and had no defense against the first drink. I knew what would happen if I drank. I knew I was an alcoholic. Self-knowledge was not enough. I picked up a drink knowing I was an alcoholic, knowing there would be severe consequences, including the possibility of death. That is why to this day I still claim to be powerless over alcohol. There are certain times, mental states, and situations in which all the willpower and self-knowledge do not help me. I've experienced it.

esinger

I took 5 months off the first time because it was dragging me down. New I was hooked for years. I thought it would be ok to have some beers because that was never my thing. Then started pulling off my buddies schnapps when he would offer. All the sudden that bottle of vodka showed back up in my tool box. That all took months to transpire.

I had to realize that I am a compulsive person susceptible to developing bad habits and taking them to the extreme. I probably would have had some pretty bad other habits when I was young if it weren't for some of my "friends" doing some serious jail time.
I'm pretty sure I can always go back. That is if I want to be abandon my family, live homeless and die cold and alone from liver failure. For me there had to be a serious consequence to wise up.

thisisme

Soberwolf,

I cannot forget that I am an alcoholic anymore than I can forget I have two arms. It's part of me.

"Or forget they can't be recovered from an incurable disease/illness"

This is an interesting point and it seems to come up often. Incurable may speak to methods of sobriety but I do not agree with it. I consider myself cured. I know I will never drink again. I am recovered.
Dangerous thinking for some but it has carried me for almost 9 years.

I have been to one AA meeting.
I quit once in 2006 and have never slipped.

Personally I am grateful that I no longer white knuckle, struggle or even think about drinking. For me it's because I don't want to.

I hope everyone reaches that point in life. Life is beautiful this way.

least

I was sober for twenty years and then forgot why I quit drinking twenty years ago. Drank for over two years. Now sober almost five years. I don't think I'll forget this time.

Boleo

It's been a long time since I have thought about drinking or not-drinking. I supose it's possible I could one day stop thnkng of myself as an alcoholic. However it really doesn't matter because bad memories and fear of consequences are not why I'm sober today. In fact, not-drinking has nothing to do with why I am sober today.

I am sober today because I have become libeated from all thoughts of alchol... good, bad and everything in between. The temptation to drink simply does not exist for me. I have recovered the same attitude toward liquor as I had as a child - before I knew what it was like to experience the benefits of drinking alcohol.

There are however 3 things that I need to remember though; One is that I must stay spiritually fit to maintain the state of mind that liberates me of the obsession. Second, I must always remember that I still have the organs of a chronic alcoholic. Third, all it takes is one drink to erase any blessings I have.

So... am I still an alcoholic? Who cares - "There is a solution".

BlissWithin

I realized I had a bad relationship with alcohol in 2010, in that year I went to AA meetings for 3 months, then I relapsed, after that I stopped again to smoke a lot of pot, then I would switch between pot and booze until april this year, thats when I got hospitalized for psychiatric care, a few more relapses after that and now Im completely sober for 29 days.

Now I really know for a fact that I cant drink/smoke again. I'll never forget that.