electricalsmile

Hi!

I never thought I'd consider myself an alcoholic. I just thought I was a drunk or someone who drank a lot, but only did it because I was bored

I've been drinking every day for 6 years. Well, it all started when I began college. I was introduced to Bud Ice and man it got me drunk. Real drunk. Ever since then I've been drinking like every day it seems. Especially post college.

These days I work 8-5 and after work, I go to my apartment, get drunk by myself, eventually get food, sleep, and do it again. So I guess you could say I'm a functioning alcoholic. Some nights I don't even eat I'll just drink beer, because I get drunker that way. Like when I get home from work and I'm hungry, I'll just try to drink 50 ounces of beer in under three minutes because I want it to hit me hard. Well, it does and I end up going out and buying more beer. On the weekends I drink all day. Sometimes I'll start drinking right when I wake up. I think it's definitely safe to say it's affecting my life in a very negative way and seems to be getting worse.

The hardest part is after work at five o' clock. When I'm driving back to my apartment I just want to go get beer so bad and get a strong buzz.

I've had to take myself to the emergency room twice because I was so incredibly hung over from drinking. I'm so tired of being hung over every morning! But by the end of the day I've recovered and am ready to do it again. The lack of exercise (from a desk job) plus the constant poisoning is causing me to have health problems. My doctor said I've experienced spinal degeneration.

What am I? Am I an alcoholic? If so, how bad do I have it?

Dee74

Hi electricalsmile - welcome

Sometimes I think the label matters less than we think - your drinking is obviously causing you damage - you need to stop...you want to stop....it need not be anymore complicated than that

You sound a awful lot like the drinker I used to be, only I was a decade on maybe - lost my job, drank all day and nearly died.

SR helped me turn my life around - I know we can help you too

D

Sasha4

If you read some of the older posts here, many involve the question 'am I an alcoholic?'

A lot of us, me included, have had those thoughts and until we have decided yes or no, continued to drink.
For me this questioning went on a couple of years.
For others it can go on for decades.
All the while, because we are not sure of the answer or perhaps don't want to face the answer, the drinking continues and gets worse.

There is a stereotype of an alcoholic - perhaps a homeless tramp drinking a bottle from a brown paper bag.

The fact is they didn't get there overnight.
They probably started out with a family, a home and a job.

You don't have to end up there to realise 'yes I have a problem'.
You can get off and stop when you want and before you have lost too much, or everything you hold dear.

For me, the endless questions of am I or am I not drove me mad and in the end it the fact alcohol made me unhappy was enough to stop drinking.

I didn't need a label - be it binge drinker, alcoholic, alcohol abuser, problem drinker, whatever.

It was not easy to start with.
I didn't need detox, but there were hours to fill that I usually filled with drinking.

However, I have over 2 years without a drink and I can honestly hand on heart say, I don't crave it. There are a few times when I miss it, but that is not often and I would rather have my drama free life, than the hungover life I had before.

I hated that secret life I lived where I worked all day, felt hungover, then raced home so I could drink the same amounts again that evening. I felt dishonest, like I was living a lie.

I hope you stick around and I'm sure others will be able to offer advice too.

I wish you the best xx

IOAA2

Hi and welcome. In the beginning I was caught up in labels also and eventually found out the main thing for me was that I can not drink in safety. PERIOD.
Then I had some choices: continue drinking or do something about it. I was able to choose a program that works for me and many millions when we work it. Work is the key for any program we choose and it’s needed because we are up against something that is cunning, powerful and baffling.

BE WELL

Nevertheless

You sound a lot like me,except I knew I was an alcoholic at an early age.
I never drank at work,but as soon as it was quitting time. The urge was overwhelming. I would wake up every morning,swearing not to drink today. Not long after lunch,I started changing my mind. By 5 O clock,there was no contest.
I never let drinking interfere with work,except the excruciating hangovers. Because I had it in my mind as long as I held my job,it was OK. Plus I could not feed my habit without money.
I just fell into a groove,and kept living like that for 30 years. (yes ,in my twenties I was getting up in the morning saying I'm not gonna drink today).
One day I realized I was drinking 8 beers on the way home. A 40 minute drive.
A beer every 5 minutes.
Booze has caused me more problems than anyone here would care to read. But something happened and I had finally had enough. I didn't hit a rock bottom,or have any earth shattering event like booze had caused me so many times. But I did finally make up my mind to quit,and stuck with it.
I hope you stick around here. Because as I'm sure you know. Quitting is not easy. But hanging out here will give you ideas that will help and moral support.
All you gotta do is not pick up the first drink........
Fred

1seekinghelp

The fact that you are questioning that this behavior is a problem, is actually a good thing. You can't change what you don't acknowledge. I too was a functioning alcoholic who drank every night, occasionally until passing out, and got up, or rather came to, every morning to repeat the cycle.

It took me a couple of years and several relapses to finally come to my end where I could admit to myself and say out loud, honestly, that I am an alcoholic. I can't drink like other people. Period. If you have access to an AA Big Book I would suggest taking a look at it. What really spoke to me was that I did all the things they mentioned in there. I could drink a lot without appearing drunk and I traded one type of alcohol for another thinking that would solve my problem. For me, those two things right there confirmed that yes I am an alcoholic.

Now I have 21 months sober, I don't miss drinking, I can feel my feelings and I have tools to deal with life on its terms. It isn't always pretty and I don't always get it right, but I am thankful for every day I have sober and that I get to face today sober.

Only you can answer if you are an alcoholic and if that answer is yes, welcome to the club because even though I don't know you personally, I can say I understand where you are and I honestly hope that you can find peace and happiness without drinking and if this helps you in any way, then I have done my job as a fellow alcoholic by pointing out the solution.

Hang in there friend and don't give up.

gaffo

This place is great place to ask those questions. I agree with everyone who says that labels don't really matter. The important thing is the answer to the question "is alcohol messing up my life?"

I've known that I was an alcoholic since I was 18 but I didn't quit until I was 46. My drink of choice in the beginning was malt liquor, which is the same as Ice Beer and I drank a lot of it. I was blessed with a very strong constitution so I never went to the hospital but I endured many many horrible hangovers. Sometimes I think the worst part about my drinking career was how many occasions of my life are associated with a hangover. I eventually switched to craft microbrews. They certainly tasted better and my money went to a local craftsperson but still those hangovers...they SUCK!

Finally, I stopped doing it to myself. Quitting is very hard but it certainly can be done. The most important thing is Don't Drink! Here are a couple of mental tools that helped me:

*Cravings pass just ride them out and they go away. It's horrible in the beginning but it gets better. Remember a craving lasts maybe half an hour but a hangover lasts all day.

*You will instantly start to feel better in you body and your mind. Roll with that. Taking walks is a good way to fight off cravings and feel better at the same time. Concentrate on not making feeling good into an excuse to get loaded.

*A support network is awesome. SR is my primary support but I have some real life people who will give me a hug and an "attaboy" when I need it. Sometimes they sneak up on me. There are some good people in this world and finding them is easier when you're sober.

*Remember it gets better. IT GETS BETTER. No matter how grim it seems now. Just take it one day at a time. Don't drink. Starve the monster. Put it in a little box and don't let it out.

You can do this!

VikingGF

I won't label myself. Because then I'll talk myself out of the label and go back to the old life. I just am a person who doesn't drink anymore.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum electricalsmile!!

Gauging the seriousness of the situation isn't really going to change the solution, if you were rated a 2 out of 10 or 9 out of 10 on a scale doesn't mean very much!!

The facts are alcohol is affecting your life and so your relationship with alcohol needs to be changed moving forward!!

You'll find loads of support here on SR!!

electricalsmile

Ugh so back when I made this post I went sober for like a week. I worked out, felt great, etc. Now here I am, 10/29 and failing miserably. I know it's affecting my health and now I have constant nerve pain but I keep drinking anyways after work. God. Am I ever going to have the desire to not hit the bottle after a long workday of sitting in front of computer for 8 hours? This is so frustrating guys. But to be honest, I do feel bored, which is something I don't usually feel when drinking. Normally drinking entertains me to the point that I'm not bored. I guess I'm realizing that drinking doesn't actually entertain me anymore?

Hawks

Given that you drink all day on weekends... Can you honestly ask yourself if you didn't have a job to go to..... Would you drink all day every day?

That might answer your original question.

Lusher

Hey electricalsmile, I just wanted to add to the support.

As has already been mentioned, it really does not matter too much what you label yourself. If alcohol is becoming a problem, then it's better to get your arms around it before things escalate- and they will escalate. It's just the nature of the beast.

From taking note of a few of your comments, it does appear that perhaps dealing with this might be a good thing. As you read through some of the stories, I think you'll see that many of us have been where you are.

I think you'll find a lot of support here, should you decide to stop.

I wish you well, and I look forward to seeing you around in here.

electricalsmile

Thank you everyone for the responses, I do not take them for granted.

Tomorrow I'm going to try really hard to not drink. Who knows how many times I've said this to myself. I need some kind of accountability

freshstart57

You say you are going to try tomorrow not to drink. Can you say that the drink you finished is your last? You cannot succeed unless your answer to the question is yes. Give it some hard thinks. Picture your day, and you in it, with all the drinking times now being filled with something else. You might as well picture yourself being pleased with yourself while you're at it too, and regaining some self respect, and doing the right thing for a change. Picture all of those things happening, because they will. Tell yourself they will happen because you have quit drinking, not that they could happen if you quit drinking.

All manner of good things will happen to you when you quit, but only when you quit. Believe you can quit, because you really can. Believe you deserve a good life, and demand it, and refuse anything less. Then go get it.

Imabuleva

Well, that sounds exactly like me.

I identify as an alcoholic, but I don't really care for that label too much.

I'd prefer to just leave the alcohol behind as an old habit I had when I was younger (I'm still in my 20's) and identify as a person that doesn't drink any more.

awuh1

ES, Your current plan sounds a lot like your past plan to stop. The past plan did not work out as you had hoped. I'm not saying this to be harsh,
but rather, to perhaps be a little more realistic.

I quit countless times. I made decision after decision not to drink again, and was typically drinking within days. Nevertheless I just kept trying to quit by doing the same thing over and over and over again, and always with the same eventual result.

I'm convinced that the vast majority of people who decide to quit, and are able to do so on there own, don't come to online sites like SR. They just do it.

If a resolution is not enough, consider a much more detailed plan. Consider doing something that others have found sucess with.

First consider SR. A variety of people on this site have been sucessfull with the help of this site alone. I think that those who are most sucessful with SR regularly read and post on this site. If this becomes your plan, I would consider doing this daily, at least in the beginning. There is alot to be gained here.

Next consider a program or method. A method called AVRT is discussed in the secular forum on this site. The AA 'program' generally involves more face to face contact and can be found just about everywhere.

Again, if you find that a resolution is not enough, consider a much more detailed plan. Most of us had to do alot more than simply decide to stop. Don't feel bad if you discover that you also need to do alot more.

All the best to you.

TheWho

motivation and the willingness to quit is your only weapon.

i for myself, got fed up being an alcoholic and drug abuser. it ruins everything in me, including my relationship. i'm just thankfull enough that after all of negative pulse inside my veins, my Girlfriend stood there to me and fight with me until my very last drop. my point is, find something/someone who will trigger your motivation and willingness to battle your addictions.

RecklessEric

Alcoholic? I dunno. I don't REALLY know what that is, since there's so little to classify.

But you definitely have a problem with alcohol.
It sounds to me, and this is only my opinion, that you want to block out the world or a part of your life, as soon as you get home from work (and when you wake up at weekends).
Booze is good at doing that.
Problem is, of course, the world doesn't go away.
It's still there when the booze wears off.

Let us know how you get on, my friend.
There's tons of support here for you.