silentrun

That kind of thing drives me up the wall but I am working on my tolerance of intolerant people. This reminds me of an AA oneliner that I came across reading here that made me laugh. I don't remember it exactly If you think I am hard to get along with now you should have seen me when I was drinking.

SoberComposer

I agree! That situation sucks but you handled it great.

I also had a situation like that in 2005. Eventually that attitude convinced me that I wasn't an alcoholic because I was certainly not like them. I thought.. maaan they must have given up everything and this was their only recourse. Of course, no offense if that is what it took for you (whoever may be reading this). But for me, I was a high functioning alcoholic that logic dictated I just needed more self control, after that experience. Truth is, if they were more like SR then I may be 9 years sober today. I love this place!!!

Weaver

You are forgiven. In my experience I've seen many people keep returning to meetings only to drink that night.

Happens both ways my friend.

desypete

jd
when i first contacted aa i was just 18 and was commiting stupid offenses when drunk and it was getting out of control, i never bothered going to an aa meeting as the guy who came out to 12th step me just talked about himself and not drinking again. things i didnt want to hear

i finaly entered aa when i was 23 as i was in much more trouble and fed up of drinking at the weekend getting smashed and all the fear guilt shame and remorse that went with it

i was not a 24 / 7 drinker i was just a bender drinker, i had my wife then and 3 of my kids still at home with me, i did not lose it all but was told in aa that if i carried on the way i was going i would end up losing it all

after 3 years around aa i quit aa as me life had moved on i got a good job and was making a lot of money so had no time for aa anymore

i stayed sober or dry for 15 years beliving i would never drink again,until one day i put it to the test and did pick up that first drink again,

it took me just 8 short years to lose it all and end up drinking 24 / 7 from picking up that first drink
i had learned the steps and read the book i was very good in aa at telling people all the things they wanted to hear in meetings

i got fed up with hearing the same things in meetings so i cut down until i gave them up
i cut aa meetings out of my life and even after 15 years i picked it up again and lost it all just like they told me would happen

so i have experience of not losing it all and being in aa and losing it all and being in aa
there is huge difference when you have nothing believe me, fopr example

when you go home after an aa meetings you dont have a computer, you dont have a tv, just an empty flat, alone with a racing brain and the thoughts of your ex wife in bed with someone else running around or your kids stuck in foster care or how one time you had a good business with lots of money
just feeling so alone and no real good outlook in life to look forward to

some how i got from aa and its members a huge helping hand and hope, i did what they said to do i didnt pick up the first drink no matter what was going on in my head or how much i was hurting,
i would wait for the next meetings and get to it i never wanted to go back to my flat when i was in the meetings as i was safe, i wished aa was 24 /7

thats where aa stands out about anything else as they give for free out of the goodness of there hearts as there trying to help themselves stay sober

now we seem to have A level students in aa who read a book and base it all on what they have read and not experienced in life.

we have aa gurus who swear the steps keep them sober and the meetings are nothing to these guys

i owe everything i have today to aa and those wonderful people who helped me so much

i try to give back like they gave to me, i give tramps money or lifts, i have done prison service work for years, i am active around the meetings helping out where meetings are short of group memebers
i give out lifts, i help people were i can as its my only way to pay back

of course i could always sit on my computer with my big book and give off great quotes from the book and try to feed my ego that i know so much about the book ?

or i could sit here and tell you all about a wonderful caring god that saved me
and call that working my 12th step ?

i do neither of them i just go to aa share my experience and strength and hope with others and i help them if i can

i get sick of watching aa memebers at the end of the meetings going up to the friends in aa and ignoring new people in the rooms, they leave them to talk to no one as there to busy patting themselves on the backs for wonderful shares about god

a part of nudawns post stood out to me a mile, as there was a new girl there and she noticed her yet the others didnt hence i said nudawn we need members in aa who do notice the new ones around who have no one to talk to at the end of the meeting

so lets get real and honest i have had to, i dont share things people want me to say anymore, i refuse to be drawn into the aa gang of worshipers or book thumpers as i have my own experiences and those of people around aa that show me and teach me all i need to know
so far its working

tomsteve

i will never forget the 25 year old man who waked into a meeting about 6 years ago.
puilled into the meeting iin a brand new dodge charger. had his dream jo.,dream home. all the toys. dream wife. 2 beautiful kids. family didnt leave him. everything in life he wanted. yet there he sat, fresh out of a 6 month rehab. in the miidst of reconstructive facial surgery as his suicide attempt with a shotgun failed. his thinkin got him there. he needed it more than anyone in AA at that time.

this isn t a competetion. i hope and pray nobody thinkin about getting sober reads what was written in your post and says,"i didnt get that bad so ill keep drinkin" or, " thats what im going to hear in AA?????? NO THANKS!!!!"

some peoplel can be a great example of a bad example.

bemyself

Good on you Nuu, yeah, I know THAT place you were in very well. Thank the gods /whoever/ whatever that - just as you wisely reflected - I too have begun practicing how to handle such people in the rooms.

Only today after the meeting, I saw a woman who, about a year or so ago, I'd ended up SCREAMING at for how she attacked something I'd said in my share earlier. I was hysterical, furious and crying, as she'd come at me like an emotional sniper. Today, I noticed then remembered her, stood away from her while I waited to take another member home (and this was in a women's meeting, mind - yeah, women can be as bad as the guy you described).... I felt calm, unfazed, 'pfft, that's who she is, I can't change her'. It's sooo much more do-able and we get to stay sober and more or less serene: bonus!

MIRecovery

Thank goodness the only requirement is a desire to stop drinking. AA opens it arms to all no matter how broken you are. This simple concept has saved countless lives. The cost of attendance is free but the price of admission is so very high

miamifella

The emphasis on confrontation was what eventually drove me out of the program.

Meetings got better for me when I stopped sharing and left right after before anyone could buttonhole me. Or ask me to confront anyone else. Minimizing the possibility of confrontation kept me in the program a few years longer. But eventually I had to face the truth that if I had to tiptoe around so much, it just was not ever going to be a path of recovery for me.

jdooner

Desy life is wonderful. Enjoy all your accomplishments. Live in the now.

Altoids

Oh my. . .this thread is wonderful. Every AA group is different. I had to leave AA for a couple of years bc of confrontational issues. I remember being confronted bc I was "too happy so much be faking it," "had the wrong higher power," "must not have taken my 4th step seriously," "didn't share enough," "shared too much," "didn't help with clean up," "must be co-dependent bc I always did the clean up." I felt that I was always "damned if I did and damned if I didn't" and I'd nearly always come home feeling worse.

I decided to add AA back into my program recently, but really had to search for a group in another town that didn't make me wanna run. So far, I'm doing really well in my new home group. I don't subscribe to all AA stands for, but I need the face to face accountability of others like me. When I shared that in a meeting, they were totally fine with it. All they cared about was that I was there, supporting them, allowing them to support me. . . and THAT is what I need from an AA group.

Well done, Nuudawn. Thanks for the thread.

Ken33xx

Feeling comfortable is very important and in San Diego, Cal. (US) where I am staying this month there are plenty of meetings to attend.

There is an AA clubhouse within walking distance which has meetings 3 and 4 times a day. The over-all vibe is friendly, you can share what you like and there are plenty of newcomers/old-timers. They also use a 3-min timer.

Can't beat that.

desypete

you telling me that people dont look at there own lives and think there drinking isnt that bad ?
dont know what side of aa you have come from but the rooms are full of people who never thought they were an alcoholic as there drinking wasnt that bad

you can play your manipulation games with yourself or any fan club member you might impress with your knowledge of the book. but it certainly wouldnt get me sober as i would see that you have an agenda rather than my best interest at heart
i live life in the real world today not in fantasy land anymore,
i learned to get honest so i speak honest, i am not an aa parrot even though i owe my life to aa and the people in it

but i refuse to mirror what other people say just so that members like you would think i am doing well or i am on the right lines.

i share my own experience my own strength and my own hope, it seems to work in the meetings as a warning to others to hopefully never give up on aa meetings, and stick close

now what on earth dont you like about that ?

fini

i hope and pray nobody thinkin about getting sober reads what was written in your post and says,"i didnt get that bad so ill keep drinkin"....


i did that for years. compared my drinking and its consequences to others' stories. i could always, of course, find tons of people "worse than me, so i cant be that bad. i'm alright, really, nothing to be too concerned about!"

i haven't met one alcoholic/addict who hasn't done that and where that hasn't been part of their process.

just saying we do that anyway regardless whether we read about "worse than me" here or elsewhere.

RobbyRobot

Pretty much all of it. Are you really okay with what you just said Desy?

Ken33xx

And there it is.

RobbyRobot

I've met enough people in my life to know that honesty as a virtue isn't enough to ensure one is entirely living in the real world. In fact, its no surprise at all when a belief in whatever keeps someone living in a fantastical world of their own making. Plenty of good and honest-with-themselves people live out their lives in a perpetual fantasy built just for themselves.

Relative and objective reliable results make all the difference. Truth in life requires more than simplistic subjective honesty can ever provide, is my experience.

Ken33xx

Yes, but often at some point in life reality does come crashing through regardless of psychological walls designed to keep it out.

Weaver

RobbyRobot

Unfortunately, not as much as we might hope for, you know? Its common enough knowledge enough people die without knowing the real dilemma of their fantasy world. Alcoholics especially so, imo. More than enough people prefer to settle for what is in hand for better or worse rather than risk permanent change in their psyche. If people can get by on as little change as possible, they usually sign on to that tour, and take their ride with their tickets fully punched for the duration. Its not everybody that wants reality knocking at their door 24/7...

Nuudawn

^^^ Yup. This. I love my Tuesday night HG. And as a matter of fact, a nice fellow came up to me after my Tuesday meeting to comment on something I shared. He was very respectful and even noted that he just wanted to ask me bout something I said and I shouldn't fear he was "13 stepping". He was a lovely person and we were chatting a bit..and then all of a sudden one of the more old timer ladies ambled on up to join the conversation...
I knew she was just swinging by to "check on me" so to speak. She was making sure I was safe.
So far that Tuesday meeting is the only one I have truly felt safe and comfortable and a sense of "belonging" with..and it just might be all I need.

(and hey Desy my friend...we are all on the same sober team here : )