AA meeting..ANGRY.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by Nuudawn 
Why did this MAN think he needed to start bossing around a FEMALE newcomer? Why was he pushing other MEN at me? Does he not think there are other women in the program who could assist me?
you can be up for the job
next time one (know it all) such as this chimes in
tell him straight out
we have the ladies working with the ladies here buddy
move on please
I have attended thousands of meetings over many years
on my way to sectary my Friday meeting in just a little while
bottom line
yes we can all be friends in AA
but -- the Ladies should work with the Ladies and the men with the men
plus I have news for some of the hard line AAers
many stay sober in this world who have never worked the Steps
or attended Meetings
as we remember -- AA was not even around until the late 30's
God has always given man and woman an escape route away from the liquid devil
but -- one must be willing to go to any lengths
Mountainman
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by Nuudawn
Had a hard day today...very overtired. I was a little concerned I might sit in front of the television and binge on crap food until I was riddled with self loathing. I decided I would go to an AA meeting. Those of you familiar with me know I had added AA to my recovery plan fairly recently.
In all honesty, the meeting tonight was not one of my favourites. There was a lot of anger and drama vented in some of the shares. Unfortunately it was the first meeting of a rather terrified looking young woman sitting near me. We exchanged a few smiles during the course of the meeting. I had planned on having a few words with her after the meeting. I am no veteran AA soberist but I could extend caring.
I was asked to share. I didn't say much other than I was a week away from two months of sobriety and that I was grateful to be sober..and grateful to be there..and that I liked being sober..it was hard..but I LIKED it. That was pretty much it.
There were very few women at this meeting and a lot of men. One of the few females at the meeting advised the newcomer in the meeting to stick close to the women in the program. At the end of the meeting, the young gal came up to me and started to say something...until this man interrupted to ask if I had "done the steps"..he was loud and aggressive and I watched this young woman scuttle away alone. This man was basically all "up in my grill" as I've heard said ..telling me I will definitely not stay sober if I don't do the steps. His speech was rapid fire and relentless. He said I needed to join a step group..NOW. He then stopped some guy to introduce me whilst telling me I had to go talk to ANOTHER guy about a step group. By this point I was uncomfortable and getting upset. I was also upset that this woman scuttled away alone....
I told the guy I had a home group..that I was NOT resistant to doing the steps and that I had to go RIGHT NOW. I felt ...accosted.
Why did this MAN think he needed to start bossing around a FEMALE newcomer? Why was he pushing other MEN at me? Does he not think there are other women in the program who could assist me?
I am sorry..but it is experiences like this..that push people OUT of AA. Freaking control freaks EVERYWHERE. Sorry..venting.
I will not let this experience push me out of the AA rooms (that particular meeting? Ya maybe) I'm pretty happy with my one a week at my homegroup anyway (but I am open to more should I need it...like I thought I did tonight).
Ah well..I didn't succumb a junk food binge..nor booze.
So I'm still aces.
Argh..just had to vent. I just wish some folks (well intended as they may be) can hurt people..can put them out of a sober community..
Some folks need freaking BOUNDARY work.
In all honesty, the meeting tonight was not one of my favourites. There was a lot of anger and drama vented in some of the shares. Unfortunately it was the first meeting of a rather terrified looking young woman sitting near me. We exchanged a few smiles during the course of the meeting. I had planned on having a few words with her after the meeting. I am no veteran AA soberist but I could extend caring.
I was asked to share. I didn't say much other than I was a week away from two months of sobriety and that I was grateful to be sober..and grateful to be there..and that I liked being sober..it was hard..but I LIKED it. That was pretty much it.
There were very few women at this meeting and a lot of men. One of the few females at the meeting advised the newcomer in the meeting to stick close to the women in the program. At the end of the meeting, the young gal came up to me and started to say something...until this man interrupted to ask if I had "done the steps"..he was loud and aggressive and I watched this young woman scuttle away alone. This man was basically all "up in my grill" as I've heard said ..telling me I will definitely not stay sober if I don't do the steps. His speech was rapid fire and relentless. He said I needed to join a step group..NOW. He then stopped some guy to introduce me whilst telling me I had to go talk to ANOTHER guy about a step group. By this point I was uncomfortable and getting upset. I was also upset that this woman scuttled away alone....
I told the guy I had a home group..that I was NOT resistant to doing the steps and that I had to go RIGHT NOW. I felt ...accosted.
Why did this MAN think he needed to start bossing around a FEMALE newcomer? Why was he pushing other MEN at me? Does he not think there are other women in the program who could assist me?
I am sorry..but it is experiences like this..that push people OUT of AA. Freaking control freaks EVERYWHERE. Sorry..venting.
I will not let this experience push me out of the AA rooms (that particular meeting? Ya maybe) I'm pretty happy with my one a week at my homegroup anyway (but I am open to more should I need it...like I thought I did tonight).
Ah well..I didn't succumb a junk food binge..nor booze.
So I'm still aces.
Argh..just had to vent. I just wish some folks (well intended as they may be) can hurt people..can put them out of a sober community..
Some folks need freaking BOUNDARY work.
It really sux that a great program has soooo many drunks(ha, ha ) that want to push their crap on us newcomers.
I have been to AA meetings over the years - currently this is the longest stretch I've had - and many I just flat out did not care for a couple idiots like this.
People have to find the group that works, as I have now. Still, I listen to some that are just dry drunks, still bitter with really nothing to bring to the conversation IMO.
However, I have learned .....pray for these sick individuals as they really need it.
Good for you attempting to reach out - frustrating when that is interrupted by a know it all......
Peace to us all...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Kansas
Posts: 3,937
Originally Posted by Mountainmanbob
sometimes these guys need to be put in their place
you can be up for the job
you can be up for the job
(Disclaimer; I put this out there only as the correct spiritual course, not as anything I am able to pull off on a regular basis.)
Nuudawn I am 24 years sober and even now I still have people get aggressive with me telling me I'm doing it wrong. If I am doing well I simply thank them for their input and ignore them asap. Other times I tell them to go play some place else as grownups are talking right here. And then I stew about not just their actions but my poor reaction to it as well.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Western ny
Posts: 388
Ignore that guy and let the newcomer know you're there to help. Your experience with 2 months of sobriety gives you enough insight to help her out whether you did steps or not. That kind of attitude takes away from the real point of AA, which Is to share with fellow alcoholics and lift each other up IMO
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by jazzfish
One of the areas I really needed to work on was with my assertiveness skills. Simply being told to learn to tolerate this type of behavior was detrimental to my well-being and essentially meant I should wait to live my life until the overly aggressive person went away, or I left. Learning to say no was incredibly helpful for me. Learning that I can dictate who I will hold conversations with or not was very empowering.
I need to learn how to validate my own opinion or instincts on things...trust myself. Everything about that encounter with that gentlemen upset me. It swam around in my brain and I needed to vent here about it ..as well as speak with a female AA member bout it...
It was like I needed validation with "this is wrong right??".."it's not me..right?".... "this guy is a perhaps a warped recovery egg right?"...
I want to learn how to be a little more satisfied with honouring my own internal 5 fire alarm (which was it sort of felt like in my head)...
I am torn between never going to that meeting again...or instead, going to that meeting and speaking of the experience..
Somehow the latter feels like the right thing to do.
Thank you all for your valuable and much appreciated input on this. And I just wanted to note how important the very thing Jazz mentioned is to my recovery also. AA seems like a dandy place to figure that stuff out..both for what is good about it AND what is bad.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by jazzfish
One of the areas I really needed to work on was with my assertiveness skills. Simply being told to learn to tolerate this type of behavior was detrimental to my well-being and essentially meant I should wait to live my life until the overly aggressive person went away, or I left. Learning to say no was incredibly helpful for me. Learning that I can dictate who I will hold conversations with or not was very empowering.
Good point about assertiveness and sometimes you need to walk away. Over the years I found chatting before or after AA meetings a good opportunity to improve on people skills.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Nuu... glad you aren't letting him get to you too much. That is just the type of pushy, aggressive behavior I encountered at the meetings. There were some good guys there too as well. So I went back for the good ones 
I like what some of the others have said... you do not have to stand there and allow him to engage you in conversation. Next time, you can say... hey, excuse me, but I am fine thanks. I have my plan in place. I need to be on my way. Good night
Ugh. What jerks some of these guys are. The worst I've encountered though has been a crazy lady. A woman who has to be certifiably insane. Lol. It took every ounce of energy in my body to sit there and listen to her passive aggressive craziness.
Some of these people do not understand where the line is between sharing your experience and crossing over into someone's space. There's a line there
I like what some of the others have said... you do not have to stand there and allow him to engage you in conversation. Next time, you can say... hey, excuse me, but I am fine thanks. I have my plan in place. I need to be on my way. Good night
Ugh. What jerks some of these guys are. The worst I've encountered though has been a crazy lady. A woman who has to be certifiably insane. Lol. It took every ounce of energy in my body to sit there and listen to her passive aggressive craziness.
Some of these people do not understand where the line is between sharing your experience and crossing over into someone's space. There's a line there
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Originally Posted by Nuudawn
It was like I needed validation with "this is wrong right??".."it's not me..right?".... "this guy is a perhaps a warped recovery egg right?"...
I have felt just this way after the meetings. Feeling worse than when I walked in. It's the bad eggs there. It's not you. I somehow seem to attract lots of the same types who wanna get all up in my grill, lol.
Keep doing what you're doing
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
I had an encounter with a guy like that. He was a member of my HG but I did not know him well.
He wanted to add some information to the literature table. It was agreed that he could put it there since it was AA approved and the added comments were written by an AA member. The sample he gave us was messy so I offered to clean it up and get it on one page.
The day I gave it to him is when this encounter happened. I have no idea where it came from or what was going through his head to cause it.
He went on and on about “real” AA. How mentioning any other addiction in the rooms of any meeting should not be allowed, how people do not have the first clue about anonymity. I am short, 5’ 2” on a good day with shoes on and he is 6 foot and towing over me like a Igor. I just let him rant but I was hot. I think that might have been the first time I practiced tolerance in a face to face conversation. I wanted to tell him were he could shove his pamphlet!
I left that HG so I don’t see him much anymore. I did see him at that groups anniversary meeting about three months ago and I sort of got a pay back. The speaker mentioned in his lead that when he came in he did not understand How it works or The Promises but his sponsor and other men made him go to the podium and read them. They just kept telling him “read the card”. He said but he didn’t get it, they said we don’t care “read the card”.
The guy I had the encounter with was chosen to read The Promises at the end of the meeting. He got up there with all his arrogance and his 25 years of sobriety and started reciting the promises. He messed up and had to look at the card. I wanted SO bad to yell out “read the card”. I actually heard someone else whisper that from another table.
Sometimes we do get Karma without having to lift a finger…LOL
He wanted to add some information to the literature table. It was agreed that he could put it there since it was AA approved and the added comments were written by an AA member. The sample he gave us was messy so I offered to clean it up and get it on one page.
The day I gave it to him is when this encounter happened. I have no idea where it came from or what was going through his head to cause it.
He went on and on about “real” AA. How mentioning any other addiction in the rooms of any meeting should not be allowed, how people do not have the first clue about anonymity. I am short, 5’ 2” on a good day with shoes on and he is 6 foot and towing over me like a Igor. I just let him rant but I was hot. I think that might have been the first time I practiced tolerance in a face to face conversation. I wanted to tell him were he could shove his pamphlet!
I left that HG so I don’t see him much anymore. I did see him at that groups anniversary meeting about three months ago and I sort of got a pay back. The speaker mentioned in his lead that when he came in he did not understand How it works or The Promises but his sponsor and other men made him go to the podium and read them. They just kept telling him “read the card”. He said but he didn’t get it, they said we don’t care “read the card”.
The guy I had the encounter with was chosen to read The Promises at the end of the meeting. He got up there with all his arrogance and his 25 years of sobriety and started reciting the promises. He messed up and had to look at the card. I wanted SO bad to yell out “read the card”. I actually heard someone else whisper that from another table.
Sometimes we do get Karma without having to lift a finger…LOL
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Somewhere along the line I heard, "What would you expect of a group run by a bunch of alcoholics" Whenever I experience something negative in AA I think about this line and just smile.
Redmayne
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Manchester, England, UK.
Posts: 1,543
I must admit...
I must admit, after attending various A A meetings intermittently from 1984 over a period of 30 years I stopped attending them...
Mainly because it became apparent that many of those present problems were little to do with alcohol or alcoholism and more to do with their own lifestyle and state of mind...
Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, it often happened that if they didn't say the A A Preamble at the start of the meeting, given how it then progressed,often talking about everything but alcoholism. You wouldn't have even known you were at an A A meeting!
Thirdly, adding my first two reasons together, it felt like the classic case that the 'lunatics were running the asylum'....a view shared by many others who eventually, like me gave up going to meetings.
I got into recovery and subsequently prolonged sobriety, by learning and fully understanding the primary content of the book 'Alcoholics Anonymous', helped in doing that by listening to 'Charlie and Joe's 12 Step CD's' now I believe commercially available and acting on all they and the Big Book taught.
You don't get sober sitting at A A meetings, no one does!
Mainly because it became apparent that many of those present problems were little to do with alcohol or alcoholism and more to do with their own lifestyle and state of mind...
Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, it often happened that if they didn't say the A A Preamble at the start of the meeting, given how it then progressed,often talking about everything but alcoholism. You wouldn't have even known you were at an A A meeting!
Thirdly, adding my first two reasons together, it felt like the classic case that the 'lunatics were running the asylum'....a view shared by many others who eventually, like me gave up going to meetings.
I got into recovery and subsequently prolonged sobriety, by learning and fully understanding the primary content of the book 'Alcoholics Anonymous', helped in doing that by listening to 'Charlie and Joe's 12 Step CD's' now I believe commercially available and acting on all they and the Big Book taught.
You don't get sober sitting at A A meetings, no one does!
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Gosh, I guess what disturbs me most is the feeling that we are never more vulnerable than when we are looking at our addiction in the face and realizing it has taken possession of your life and you have no idea how to get out from under it...
And you go to an AA meeting. I don't think I was ever more terrified and defeated as when I walked into an AA meeting back in November or December of 2006. And well, for me I believe I was under the incredibly incorrect assumption that these folks were ALL wiser, healthier, saner, more mature than me....they were sober and for some reason that very condition afforded them superiority over me...
The scarier thing is...that the sicker, pushier, more vocal ones think that too.
I have never had any issue with the text or program of AA. Bill W's notion that it is in community sharing our common problem that we may find healing and self acceptance is a ring ding dinger in my books...
I just hope that for every sick, fear based soul who makes contact with someone in fledgling sobriety..there is a kinder love based member to counteract the damage they do...that is my hope.
And you go to an AA meeting. I don't think I was ever more terrified and defeated as when I walked into an AA meeting back in November or December of 2006. And well, for me I believe I was under the incredibly incorrect assumption that these folks were ALL wiser, healthier, saner, more mature than me....they were sober and for some reason that very condition afforded them superiority over me...
The scarier thing is...that the sicker, pushier, more vocal ones think that too.
I have never had any issue with the text or program of AA. Bill W's notion that it is in community sharing our common problem that we may find healing and self acceptance is a ring ding dinger in my books...
I just hope that for every sick, fear based soul who makes contact with someone in fledgling sobriety..there is a kinder love based member to counteract the damage they do...that is my hope.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
Originally Posted by Redmayne
I must admit, after attending various A A meetings intermittently from 1984 over a period of 30 years I stopped attending them...
Mainly because it became apparent that many of those present problems were little to do with alcohol or alcoholism and more to do with their own lifestyle and state of mind...
Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, it often happened that if they didn't say the A A Preamble at the start of the meeting, given how it then progressed,often talking about everything but alcoholism. You wouldn't have even known you were at an A A meeting!
Thirdly, adding my first two reasons together, it felt like the classic case that the 'lunatics were running the asylum'....a view shared by many others who eventually, like me gave up going to meetings.
I got into recovery and subsequently prolonged sobriety, by learning and fully understanding the primary content of the book 'Alcoholics Anonymous', helped in doing that by listening to 'Charlie and Joe's 12 Step CD's' now I believe commercially available and acting on all they and the Big Book taught.
You don't get sober sitting at A A meetings, no one does!
Mainly because it became apparent that many of those present problems were little to do with alcohol or alcoholism and more to do with their own lifestyle and state of mind...
Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, it often happened that if they didn't say the A A Preamble at the start of the meeting, given how it then progressed,often talking about everything but alcoholism. You wouldn't have even known you were at an A A meeting!
Thirdly, adding my first two reasons together, it felt like the classic case that the 'lunatics were running the asylum'....a view shared by many others who eventually, like me gave up going to meetings.
I got into recovery and subsequently prolonged sobriety, by learning and fully understanding the primary content of the book 'Alcoholics Anonymous', helped in doing that by listening to 'Charlie and Joe's 12 Step CD's' now I believe commercially available and acting on all they and the Big Book taught.
You don't get sober sitting at A A meetings, no one does!
the only thing i do see in my experience is people stop going to meetings and drink again, if there lucky they come back and tell us about it
so i wish you the best of luck staying sober on your own i am not and never will take that chance not again when i cut the meetings out last time and i stayed sober for 15 years it got me again in the end and i lost everything
so no way would i cut the meetings out of my life they keep me sober and will carry on doing so
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Desy ..my take on Redmayne's comments was it takes MORE than just sitting at meetings. Recovery needs to be a full spectrum as you (personally) require. I don't get the idea he was knocking meeting attendance..his input is that he needed more or different work in his recovery that included full or different study of the principles and text.
Forgive me if I am incorrect Red...I probably shouldn't speak for you lol
Forgive me if I am incorrect Red...I probably shouldn't speak for you lol
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by Redmayne
You don't get sober sitting at AA meetings, no one does!
AA meetings are the message and the fellowship. The program is, IMO, separate.
I need the meetings. For one, is to give back. I set up, take down, chair and I am the secretary of my HG. This is important to me and is a commitment. That commitment is to myself as well as the AA Fellowship. The doors were open for me and I feel it is important to keep them open for others.
The second reason I attend is to learn. That is my BB meeting. I am not going to learn all there is to learn in one day or one year. I keep getting more and more every time we go through the BB. That is my classroom. It is also the meeting were my core group of woman are. I need them in my life. I must maintain those relationships. They are very important to me.
The rest of the meetings I attend to hear what others have to say and share my experiences in a discussion setting. I also attend a lead meeting now and then to hear the message and support others. It is not easy getting up to lead. It takes courage and the least I can do is sit and listen.
Those are the reason I attend meetings. We are nothing but a group of drunks trying are best to get and remain sober using the experience, strength and hope from people that came before us and a book that tells us everything we need to know.
Some members are AA police (no offense to the boys in blue), some are regular ole AA members that really just want to help, some are stalking, some were drunk yesterday but claim years of sobriety, some are old timers who put up with no foolishness, some are looking for a way to control their drinking, some are looking for God, some just walked into their very first AA meeting and are scared with no idea how to stop drinking…it can go on and on, ad nauseam.
The trick, is to find were you fit in. Where do you want to be in that meeting?
Some don’t fit in, they don’t want to or they have found another way, I wish them luck. I read something a while back that fits here “I am in competition with nobody, I want us all to make it!”.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
well i guess its our experiences that set us apart on how we see what recover is all about
if your at home in your warm home with a job and an income with nice things to eat and your family around you, i dont think you will really need aa the way i needed it as you didn't lose it all
but when you have no one, and your kids are in foster care, your life is in a total mess having been to prison and lost a business and all your money and you end up in a small flat given to you by a local hostel
your ex wife who is also a drinking alcoholic finds another drunk to live with
your drinking 24/7 as you can not bare life, you shut yourself off from the world and your flat stinks of pee and sick as you throw up daily to get another drink down your neck so you can try to stop the shakes etc and off you go again drunk as a skunk with no way out
when you end up at the doors of aa in that condition and you have no money for food, you even pinch biscuits in the meetings, as your to scared to ask for help and yet people smile at you and welcome you and give you money for food and come and help you clean up your flat, they sit with you and listen to your moans about life and hear your anger at the world and they still keep helping you taking you to meetings and just being there with you not wanting anything in return other than to see you get sober
well that the aa that i needed and its the aa that got me sober
go down to my level and see just what aa does for hopeless people like i was
forget about rehabs or online help as i had nothing
thanks to aa
i got a job in my first year sober, i got my kids back out of care and became a single parent dad holding down a job as well, i got a home for all my kids to be together again, i got my kids pride in there dad back, i got my life back
no thanks to a dam god, but thanks to the people in aa and aa meetings that i went to day and night, aa meetings were the only place i could find peace in my mind, the only place i could feel safe in,
today i am just so grateful to aa even when i lost my son and had to watch him suffer guess who was there with me all along ? my sponsor and my friends in aa, they couldnt help what was happening to my son no one could not even god
but the meetings have helped me where nothing else could and they keep me sober today having to deal with my own pain in life i find release from it all, trying to help others in the rooms or even going out to meet some tramps as those guys show me what being a real alcoholic is like they keep me grateful that i am sober today as my life could be so much worse today if i had drank, i could lose my kids again and lose it all again and maybe never get back to the safety of the aa rooms
so you bet aa will keep you sober if you dont believe me go down to the bottom and see what brings you back up
if you think a book will cure all think again,
thats my experience of aa and what it does to help those who no one else will touch.
if your at home in your warm home with a job and an income with nice things to eat and your family around you, i dont think you will really need aa the way i needed it as you didn't lose it all
but when you have no one, and your kids are in foster care, your life is in a total mess having been to prison and lost a business and all your money and you end up in a small flat given to you by a local hostel
your ex wife who is also a drinking alcoholic finds another drunk to live with
your drinking 24/7 as you can not bare life, you shut yourself off from the world and your flat stinks of pee and sick as you throw up daily to get another drink down your neck so you can try to stop the shakes etc and off you go again drunk as a skunk with no way out
when you end up at the doors of aa in that condition and you have no money for food, you even pinch biscuits in the meetings, as your to scared to ask for help and yet people smile at you and welcome you and give you money for food and come and help you clean up your flat, they sit with you and listen to your moans about life and hear your anger at the world and they still keep helping you taking you to meetings and just being there with you not wanting anything in return other than to see you get sober
well that the aa that i needed and its the aa that got me sober
go down to my level and see just what aa does for hopeless people like i was
forget about rehabs or online help as i had nothing
thanks to aa
i got a job in my first year sober, i got my kids back out of care and became a single parent dad holding down a job as well, i got a home for all my kids to be together again, i got my kids pride in there dad back, i got my life back
no thanks to a dam god, but thanks to the people in aa and aa meetings that i went to day and night, aa meetings were the only place i could find peace in my mind, the only place i could feel safe in,
today i am just so grateful to aa even when i lost my son and had to watch him suffer guess who was there with me all along ? my sponsor and my friends in aa, they couldnt help what was happening to my son no one could not even god
but the meetings have helped me where nothing else could and they keep me sober today having to deal with my own pain in life i find release from it all, trying to help others in the rooms or even going out to meet some tramps as those guys show me what being a real alcoholic is like they keep me grateful that i am sober today as my life could be so much worse today if i had drank, i could lose my kids again and lose it all again and maybe never get back to the safety of the aa rooms
so you bet aa will keep you sober if you dont believe me go down to the bottom and see what brings you back up
if you think a book will cure all think again,
thats my experience of aa and what it does to help those who no one else will touch.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by desypete
well i guess its our experiences that set us apart
Your post gives me a better understanding of the passion and gratitude I hear in those rooms...as well as the fear and evangelism. It has given you so much...so how can you not defend it in every possible way.
As we come from different places in our addiction, lives, demographics, sociology, values...sometimes we just might require other things too..that resonate with us...or relate to from wherever we are in our world.
I don't think anyone's intention is to denigrate the "program"...some PEOPLE mess stuff up..
In AA, in religion, in politics, in the PTA...everywhere.
Wherever there is light..there is usually also darkness..and that darkness is better exposed than left to fester and poison the good.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
We all have our our bottoms and they are quite personal and need no reason to be challenged by others. In fact, relative comparison will only serve to keep you stuck in an active mindset and serves no purpose in recovery in my experience.
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
Originally Posted by Nuudawn
Love this Jazz. I spent a few week deliberating whether or not I would return to AA...add a "live 3D community" aspect to my recovery. One of the things I realized I want to "work on" for myself is both my strengthening of boundaries and my ability to tolerate the opinions of others without reacting, getting angry etc. It's almost like I want to learn how to diffuse my angry button but additionally....
I need to learn how to validate my own opinion or instincts on things...trust myself. Everything about that encounter with that gentlemen upset me. It swam around in my brain and I needed to vent here about it ..as well as speak with a female AA member bout it...
It was like I needed validation with "this is wrong right??".."it's not me..right?".... "this guy is a perhaps a warped recovery egg right?"...
I want to learn how to be a little more satisfied with honouring my own internal 5 fire alarm (which was it sort of felt like in my head)...
I am torn between never going to that meeting again...or instead, going to that meeting and speaking of the experience..
Somehow the latter feels like the right thing to do.
Thank you all for your valuable and much appreciated input on this. And I just wanted to note how important the very thing Jazz mentioned is to my recovery also. AA seems like a dandy place to figure that stuff out..both for what is good about it AND what is bad.
I need to learn how to validate my own opinion or instincts on things...trust myself. Everything about that encounter with that gentlemen upset me. It swam around in my brain and I needed to vent here about it ..as well as speak with a female AA member bout it...
It was like I needed validation with "this is wrong right??".."it's not me..right?".... "this guy is a perhaps a warped recovery egg right?"...
I want to learn how to be a little more satisfied with honouring my own internal 5 fire alarm (which was it sort of felt like in my head)...
I am torn between never going to that meeting again...or instead, going to that meeting and speaking of the experience..
Somehow the latter feels like the right thing to do.
Thank you all for your valuable and much appreciated input on this. And I just wanted to note how important the very thing Jazz mentioned is to my recovery also. AA seems like a dandy place to figure that stuff out..both for what is good about it AND what is bad.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,997
Originally Posted by Nuudawn
Love this Jazz. I spent a few week deliberating whether or not I would return to AA...add a "live 3D community" aspect to my recovery. One of the things I realized I want to "work on" for myself is both my strengthening of boundaries and my ability to tolerate the opinions of others without reacting, getting angry etc. It's almost like I want to learn how to diffuse my angry button but additionally....
I need to learn how to validate my own opinion or instincts on things...trust myself. Everything about that encounter with that gentlemen upset me. It swam around in my brain and I needed to vent here about it ..as well as speak with a female AA member bout it...
It was like I needed validation with "this is wrong right??".."it's not me..right?".... "this guy is a perhaps a warped recovery egg right?"...
I want to learn how to be a little more satisfied with honouring my own internal 5 fire alarm (which was it sort of felt like in my head)...
I am torn between never going to that meeting again...or instead, going to that meeting and speaking of the experience..
Somehow the latter feels like the right thing to do.
Thank you all for your valuable and much appreciated input on this. And I just wanted to note how important the very thing Jazz mentioned is to my recovery also. AA seems like a dandy place to figure that stuff out..both for what is good about it AND what is bad.
I need to learn how to validate my own opinion or instincts on things...trust myself. Everything about that encounter with that gentlemen upset me. It swam around in my brain and I needed to vent here about it ..as well as speak with a female AA member bout it...
It was like I needed validation with "this is wrong right??".."it's not me..right?".... "this guy is a perhaps a warped recovery egg right?"...
I want to learn how to be a little more satisfied with honouring my own internal 5 fire alarm (which was it sort of felt like in my head)...
I am torn between never going to that meeting again...or instead, going to that meeting and speaking of the experience..
Somehow the latter feels like the right thing to do.
Thank you all for your valuable and much appreciated input on this. And I just wanted to note how important the very thing Jazz mentioned is to my recovery also. AA seems like a dandy place to figure that stuff out..both for what is good about it AND what is bad.
The Buddha has tried to teach me for years that "my enemies" often offer the best lesson for growth. It took me getting sober to understand it for myself though. I get it now. It's like compassion. It's easy to feel compassion for someone where the suffering is so obvious but it's incredibly difficult to see suffering when it's hidden under anger and stubbornness and rudeness. Can you imagine being him? It can't feel good.
Grace under pressure. You have it. You handled yourself well.
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