Spared

I've got off work early. It's beautiful and sunny out. Feel a bit down about my upcoming redundancy. Wouldn't it be nice to go to the park and have a few beers, wouldn't it be nice to go to the pub and have a few beers, wouldn't it be nice to have a few beers, says my AV.

No. No. It wouldn't be nice. It wouldn't be a few. Sure, maybe today it would. But it will soon lead to me getting smashed off my face, blacking out, hurting the people I love and who love me. Maybe this time it will lead to a serious accident. It will lead to me waking up, not remembering, feeling awful and full of regret. Or maybe I wouldn't wake up at all this time. So no, it wouldn't be 'nice'.

That's where my minds at today. I will be strong.

trachemys

Yay, you!

zjw

I used to get those thoughts. Then i'd think yeah its 10am it sure would be nice but after even just a few (and it'd never be just a few) i'd be a lazy slug and not accomplish squat the remainder of the day a day that started out great would end with me in a drunken stuper having not enjoyed anything about the day.

Spared

Thanks zjw. And that's exactly what would happen to me. Instead, I'm going to wonder round the book store, have a massage with all the cash I haven't spent on booze this week, go home, cook a lovely dinner for my partner, and have a mega hot chocolate as I'm no longer consuming three days of calories on a bender. Yes, this is better.

zjw

that sounds like a cool way to spend the day. I know when i'd choose booze it always started with the best of intentions never worked out that way. It can also be tough to find enjoyment in doing something else in early sobriety. I pretty much hated any activity other then drinking for a long time when i first sobered up. But I had to get out there and try to do stuff to re-learn my likes and dislikes and get over myself about how it no longer involved booze.

Spared

Zjw, yes, I feel that. Part of me still thinks it would be nicer to have a few beers. It's very hard to force myself to find new patterns.

zjw

I'll never forget the day I did something other then drinking and was truely happy for the first time in a long time.

My wife drug me out to go roller skating with the kids. Normally this would have been met with attitude and i just wanna stay home and drink beer. Or if i went I'd sit there like a bump on a log wanting to just go home and drink beer.

I was probably a year sober or so. And I reluctantly agreed to go. we got there the roller rink was your typical 80's themed roller rink complete with 80's music here and there too awesome for me ! then my daughter begged me to skate. I hadnt skated in probably 20 years or more. I got a pair of roller blades the kids where mesmarized that dad could wear those kinds of skates. I had a great time in short order I was skating like i was 15 again and i even fell on my butt and everyone laughed.

I never expierienced days like that when i got drunk.

PurpleKnight

Keep pushing through!!

Spared

Zjw, that sounds awesome! Your family must have loved to have you back!

Hanging in there, you guys are helping so much! Thank you all.

gaffo

I think the memories of drinking are way better than the reality. I don't have desire to drink at all anymore but I guess I'm glad to have insane memories that I can touch on once in a while. Of course bragging about drinking and stories is tedious but remembering having drinks in the morning and ruining days is nice because I can snap out of it and get back to the task at hand. It's like waking up from a bad dream.

zjw

I had a dream not long ago where I had to go on a beer run with some family that was visiting. back to my old beer shop so they could get there fix. I agreed to allow them to have beer in the house while they visited in this dream but told them i'd be pouring it out when they left if they didnt consume it all. IN the dream on the way back from the beer store I looked at the coronas that had been purchased and thought about how that garbage is nothing but poison. I thought of the countless lives that have been trashed becuase of that stuff. the families ruined lives lost etc.. all the problems that stuff causes.

I was glad that I saw it for what it really was in the dream. I'm glad I equate beer=poison. becuase for me thats really all that stuff is. I'd probably be better off drinking clorox.