Four Years Today
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Upstate NY, in the Adirondacks
Posts: 232
Originally Posted by trailrunrbyday 
Congratulations to you Nancy! I see several similarities between us. I will be 42 this month and I am on Day 17. So far - it has been miraculously easy(and stopping was something I have struggled with for years and *attempted*(half heartedly) before.
The difference this time is that I had gong to see a therapist I had been trying to see for some time and she is an alcoholic with 12 years sober. She asked me if I was tired of it yet and after drilling down for a couple of hours (to uncover some WORK I will need to do for many many future sessions with her) the key thing I uncovered was that I WANT MY LIFE BACK.
I am an artist who hasn't painted in years. I love to write but haven't put pen to paper...in years. I am funny and engaging but have been too much of a mess to be my genuine self for years. I love to read - but have been too drunk to properly read a book in years. I am an athlete whose bike has gathered dust for years(save for the odd drunk pedal down the street). I am a a beautiful person who has not radiated it through glassy eyes and a puffy face for a long time.....
SO. I am sick sick sick of it and every day I get up and say "Today, I am a woman who gets her life back".
So - with determination it seems to have made all the difference in the world. I am embracing AA(because I think the steps will help me work on me - long overdue) and I go to meetings nightly. I'm done with losing my life. It's MINE and I'm taking it back.
I loved your post - I do expect hard times but I was really starting to feel nervous about how easily giving up something I couldn't imagine living without a month ago has been. I'm taking it one day at a time but your post made me a little less afraid of feeling so good.
Thanks! You are an inspiration and I'm carrying YOU with me for strength today.
Kim
The difference this time is that I had gong to see a therapist I had been trying to see for some time and she is an alcoholic with 12 years sober. She asked me if I was tired of it yet and after drilling down for a couple of hours (to uncover some WORK I will need to do for many many future sessions with her) the key thing I uncovered was that I WANT MY LIFE BACK.
I am an artist who hasn't painted in years. I love to write but haven't put pen to paper...in years. I am funny and engaging but have been too much of a mess to be my genuine self for years. I love to read - but have been too drunk to properly read a book in years. I am an athlete whose bike has gathered dust for years(save for the odd drunk pedal down the street). I am a a beautiful person who has not radiated it through glassy eyes and a puffy face for a long time.....
SO. I am sick sick sick of it and every day I get up and say "Today, I am a woman who gets her life back".
So - with determination it seems to have made all the difference in the world. I am embracing AA(because I think the steps will help me work on me - long overdue) and I go to meetings nightly. I'm done with losing my life. It's MINE and I'm taking it back.
I loved your post - I do expect hard times but I was really starting to feel nervous about how easily giving up something I couldn't imagine living without a month ago has been. I'm taking it one day at a time but your post made me a little less afraid of feeling so good.
Thanks! You are an inspiration and I'm carrying YOU with me for strength today.
Kim
I felt great the day I decided I would never drink again, and I haven't questioned that decision one second. The not drinking part has been easy. Now, the unearthing the reasons I drank has been painful, but long, long overdue. And well worth the pain. It is nice to live a "examined life." It gives everything more meaning. Makes it painful sometimes, like loss and death, but still..I would never, ever go back.
Hugs
Nancy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Upstate NY, in the Adirondacks
Posts: 232
Thanks, everyone. You know, I am a teacher, so I never shared my sobriety story with the public, but I just did tonight. Something about the despair that Robin William's death caused in many struggling addicts and alcoholics touched me too. The fears that this triggered that we are all doomed to relapse and die like he did.
No, we are not. I will not drink again. Now, that is not to say that I won't be depressed, or anxious, but I won't exacerabate it with alcohol. I have been given way too many gifts in sobriety to give them up. I don't like the old belief that we are in grave danger every day of relapse. No, I'm not. I may get mad, angry, sad, depressed, anxious, upset, happy, mournful, but I won't get drunk. Nor should you. We can do this, and not live in fear.
Nancy
No, we are not. I will not drink again. Now, that is not to say that I won't be depressed, or anxious, but I won't exacerabate it with alcohol. I have been given way too many gifts in sobriety to give them up. I don't like the old belief that we are in grave danger every day of relapse. No, I'm not. I may get mad, angry, sad, depressed, anxious, upset, happy, mournful, but I won't get drunk. Nor should you. We can do this, and not live in fear.
Nancy
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
