Anxiety about going to meetings
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 153
Anxiety about going to meetings
Hey all.. I am coming up on 4 months sober and am noticing a familiar trend. I have achieved some sustained sobriety/clean time in the past; 4 months, 6 months, 8 months, and a year. I have relapsed following those periods.
What's familiar is a dedication to go to meetings and submerse myself in AA for the first couple of months. Then they start to dwindle because I don't want to go. In the past it was because of someone else there or a general feeling that the people there bother me. Or I would be occupied with life and "not have time". Basically meetings became less of a priority for any given reason and I would dwindle then stop then drink. I feel myself doing it again but it's for a different reason today.
I am struggling with some pretty severe anxiety and I simply just do not feel well. My head is going 100 mph and I have negative thoughts intruding into my mind constantly. I feel that I can't really share about this in meetings because it's not drinking or drug related. I know people will say, "you can share about whatever you want". But the fear or issue I have is that, fine... I go and say these things and then feel vulnerable and fearful of others judging me (irrational) and then I don't get any feedback or it's limited. I feel safer talking about it here or calling a sober friend.
What ends up stemming from this is my own frustration with myself - thinking "here we go again"! Thinking I am being lazy while really I am buried with work and just not comfortable in the groups all the time. Then I hear it from people in the meetings that I have to go to meetings. I don't like meetings so the solution is what? More meetings!
I do have one that I really enjoy and I will definitely keep going to that one. There are a couple others that are ok and I will keep going to them. It's just that I hear so often that I should go to more, get more involved, find a commitment, help someone... And when I don't do those things I feel like a failure and say F it.
On another note I just started on Lexapro. I am hoping this helps and makes me want to participate more in the groups because then I won't be such a nervous wreck and I can feel more comfortable going to meetings.
Thanks all for being here. It helps to get this out.
What's familiar is a dedication to go to meetings and submerse myself in AA for the first couple of months. Then they start to dwindle because I don't want to go. In the past it was because of someone else there or a general feeling that the people there bother me. Or I would be occupied with life and "not have time". Basically meetings became less of a priority for any given reason and I would dwindle then stop then drink. I feel myself doing it again but it's for a different reason today.
I am struggling with some pretty severe anxiety and I simply just do not feel well. My head is going 100 mph and I have negative thoughts intruding into my mind constantly. I feel that I can't really share about this in meetings because it's not drinking or drug related. I know people will say, "you can share about whatever you want". But the fear or issue I have is that, fine... I go and say these things and then feel vulnerable and fearful of others judging me (irrational) and then I don't get any feedback or it's limited. I feel safer talking about it here or calling a sober friend.
What ends up stemming from this is my own frustration with myself - thinking "here we go again"! Thinking I am being lazy while really I am buried with work and just not comfortable in the groups all the time. Then I hear it from people in the meetings that I have to go to meetings. I don't like meetings so the solution is what? More meetings!
I do have one that I really enjoy and I will definitely keep going to that one. There are a couple others that are ok and I will keep going to them. It's just that I hear so often that I should go to more, get more involved, find a commitment, help someone... And when I don't do those things I feel like a failure and say F it.
On another note I just started on Lexapro. I am hoping this helps and makes me want to participate more in the groups because then I won't be such a nervous wreck and I can feel more comfortable going to meetings.
Thanks all for being here. It helps to get this out.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Did you get a sponsor?
A sponsor can help you with the everyday stuff. I talk to my sponsor about issues with my mother, my BF and work.
I was always told "the meetings are the message, the sponsor is for the mess". I never would have remained sober if I did not have her to talk to. I need her advice and her guidance to help me.
A sponsor can help you with the everyday stuff. I talk to my sponsor about issues with my mother, my BF and work.
I was always told "the meetings are the message, the sponsor is for the mess". I never would have remained sober if I did not have her to talk to. I need her advice and her guidance to help me.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Meetings and AA are not the only way to be sober.
I went for 90 days - well, more like 120, but I went to a meeting every day for the first 90. I had a lot of reasons for stopping.
Some people fit right into AA, and buy the entire thing. Some people like parts of it but not others. Some try it and find they don't like it or don't need it.
I was sober for many years and had never been to a meeting. It's not that difficult, once I just commit to the fact that I no longer drink. When I found myself drinking after a series of traumatic events, I thought I'd try AA. Turns out the 12 Steps were pretty close to what I had done in that many years of sobriety. It's about honesty and caring for others in need and being in touch with God and gratitude. I had stopped being committed to all that after so many tragedies at one time in my life.
Meetings were not helping me once the physical part was over. I do think the AA Big Book is a must for every alcoholic's library.
I went for 90 days - well, more like 120, but I went to a meeting every day for the first 90. I had a lot of reasons for stopping.
Some people fit right into AA, and buy the entire thing. Some people like parts of it but not others. Some try it and find they don't like it or don't need it.
I was sober for many years and had never been to a meeting. It's not that difficult, once I just commit to the fact that I no longer drink. When I found myself drinking after a series of traumatic events, I thought I'd try AA. Turns out the 12 Steps were pretty close to what I had done in that many years of sobriety. It's about honesty and caring for others in need and being in touch with God and gratitude. I had stopped being committed to all that after so many tragedies at one time in my life.
Meetings were not helping me once the physical part was over. I do think the AA Big Book is a must for every alcoholic's library.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 153
Thanks Gracie - Yes I have a sponsor that I talk/text with daily. He is a big help to me and does not push me to go to a certain number of meetings. He is more concerned about me working the steps and being a good man.
Thank you Bimini. That's an interesting concept about once the physical stuff past. I do not have cravings to drink or use at all. I know I need to pay attention to the potential for it to creep in on a daily basis. But I think once the physical part passed for me I started to need the meetings less as well.
Thank you Bimini. That's an interesting concept about once the physical stuff past. I do not have cravings to drink or use at all. I know I need to pay attention to the potential for it to creep in on a daily basis. But I think once the physical part passed for me I started to need the meetings less as well.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
I went to AA in '96. I got sober for 6 months. I then convinced myself I was not an alcoholic and jumped from one addiction to another over the subsequent 17 years.
I returned to AA last September a week after my sobriety date. I bought into it fully bc I knew I needed help. Slowly as things started to get a little better, I convinced myself that AA was a cult and trying to brainwash me. I then tried Rational Recovery. The self empowerment added fuel to my own ideation that I had mastered my addiction and I started to feel shaky. I returned to AA and began working the steps in earnest.
I had a sponsor who had not completed his steps and had me going sideways with step 4. this last four months and I was lucky to have a very spiritual experience that helped change my direction. I found a new step sponsor and things fit like clockwork.
I believe the steps are key and see many that get caught up in the meetings practicing their own AA. This is fine but it did not help me nor is it the message I pass along.
I am not religious and I don't see AA as religious, despite the undertones. Bimni is right, there are many programs. I believe it helps when you try these and see how they work. AA is about EGO deflation. Turning your will and life into the care of a HP is not for everyone. But if practiced I do believe it works based on my sample set of one.
I returned to AA last September a week after my sobriety date. I bought into it fully bc I knew I needed help. Slowly as things started to get a little better, I convinced myself that AA was a cult and trying to brainwash me. I then tried Rational Recovery. The self empowerment added fuel to my own ideation that I had mastered my addiction and I started to feel shaky. I returned to AA and began working the steps in earnest.
I had a sponsor who had not completed his steps and had me going sideways with step 4. this last four months and I was lucky to have a very spiritual experience that helped change my direction. I found a new step sponsor and things fit like clockwork.
I believe the steps are key and see many that get caught up in the meetings practicing their own AA. This is fine but it did not help me nor is it the message I pass along.
I am not religious and I don't see AA as religious, despite the undertones. Bimni is right, there are many programs. I believe it helps when you try these and see how they work. AA is about EGO deflation. Turning your will and life into the care of a HP is not for everyone. But if practiced I do believe it works based on my sample set of one.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Bay Area, California
Posts: 314
First off, great work on 4 months!!!
A lot of inner stuff and emotional stuff has showed up in my 9+ months sobriety. When I get stuck on certain issues or feelings, I start to wonder is this just me, is it PAWS, or is this somehow related to something I need to be doing differently in my sobriety? Probably a combination of the three. I have found that the variety of challenging emotional stretches come and go, and more importantly do get easier with time. Maybe you found that too in your longer stretches of sobriety?
Regarding your meetings, you could just share that you're currently having a hard time, you don't have to go into detail. Don't be afraid to be authentic in whatever way feels appropriate! Or maybe find a trained specialist to talk to about these things while you do your step work? The other posters have good insight too.
A lot of inner stuff and emotional stuff has showed up in my 9+ months sobriety. When I get stuck on certain issues or feelings, I start to wonder is this just me, is it PAWS, or is this somehow related to something I need to be doing differently in my sobriety? Probably a combination of the three. I have found that the variety of challenging emotional stretches come and go, and more importantly do get easier with time. Maybe you found that too in your longer stretches of sobriety?
Regarding your meetings, you could just share that you're currently having a hard time, you don't have to go into detail. Don't be afraid to be authentic in whatever way feels appropriate! Or maybe find a trained specialist to talk to about these things while you do your step work? The other posters have good insight too.
The New Me starting 1/11/09
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California
Posts: 678
Hi RC -
As people have said, AA isn't the only way to get sober, but the principles and the support it provides can be the difference for many.
I like what Biminiblue said about "Turns out the 12 Steps were pretty close to what I had done in that many years of sobriety. It's about honesty and caring for others in need and being in touch with God and gratitude." This is very true. The 12 steps are a great way to live your life whether you do it actively in AA or on your own.
For me, I found that a combination of actions helped.
First, I was very active in AA for my first two years of sobriety and then began to taper off meetings a bit. However, I still to this day have a Sponsee from AA that I work with regularly. So, although I don't go to meetings that often, I still am kept in the present by working with others.
Second, I used the teachings of AA to help me learn about myself and my emotions. When I start getting any of those feelings (not so much cravings anymore, but the feelings of fear, anger, anxiety, etc.), I know it is time to take action. For me that can be going to a meeting or posting/reading on SR, calling my sponsee, or actively trying to help others.
Third, I acknowledge that I can't do it alone. I need support from others to stay sober. For me, this can be my spouse or my friends or others in AA. The problem that I see is that we get sober and then we forget that getting sober was a team effort. Once we start feeling the difficult emotions, we isolate ourselves and then fall into the trap.
Finally, I remind myself that I am an alcoholic. I will always be one and just because I am not drinking today, doesn't mean that I am cured. This involves constant vigilance to monitor how I am feeling, what I am saying to myself and how I am reactive to those around me.
So, with all that said, if you have the tools and the support system to help you without AA, then you can certainly recover without AA. But, AA does give you those things you need to recover in a pretty nice package. You don't have to like everyone you meet at AA, but part of recovery is learning how to deal with people we don't like and not have it upset us or drive us to drink.
Congrats on 4 months. I'm at over 5 years, but still just focus on not drinking today.
Find what works best for you and be honest with yourself. But, don't do it alone. That's my experience. Take care.
As people have said, AA isn't the only way to get sober, but the principles and the support it provides can be the difference for many.
I like what Biminiblue said about "Turns out the 12 Steps were pretty close to what I had done in that many years of sobriety. It's about honesty and caring for others in need and being in touch with God and gratitude." This is very true. The 12 steps are a great way to live your life whether you do it actively in AA or on your own.
For me, I found that a combination of actions helped.
First, I was very active in AA for my first two years of sobriety and then began to taper off meetings a bit. However, I still to this day have a Sponsee from AA that I work with regularly. So, although I don't go to meetings that often, I still am kept in the present by working with others.
Second, I used the teachings of AA to help me learn about myself and my emotions. When I start getting any of those feelings (not so much cravings anymore, but the feelings of fear, anger, anxiety, etc.), I know it is time to take action. For me that can be going to a meeting or posting/reading on SR, calling my sponsee, or actively trying to help others.
Third, I acknowledge that I can't do it alone. I need support from others to stay sober. For me, this can be my spouse or my friends or others in AA. The problem that I see is that we get sober and then we forget that getting sober was a team effort. Once we start feeling the difficult emotions, we isolate ourselves and then fall into the trap.
Finally, I remind myself that I am an alcoholic. I will always be one and just because I am not drinking today, doesn't mean that I am cured. This involves constant vigilance to monitor how I am feeling, what I am saying to myself and how I am reactive to those around me.
So, with all that said, if you have the tools and the support system to help you without AA, then you can certainly recover without AA. But, AA does give you those things you need to recover in a pretty nice package. You don't have to like everyone you meet at AA, but part of recovery is learning how to deal with people we don't like and not have it upset us or drive us to drink.
Congrats on 4 months. I'm at over 5 years, but still just focus on not drinking today.
Find what works best for you and be honest with yourself. But, don't do it alone. That's my experience. Take care.
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
My story is similar to yours. I had anxiety/moderate depression and was prescribed an anti-depessant. I also went to counselling regularly.
I started attending meetings (2 or 3 a week to start), got a sponsor and worked through the steps.
I found that the medical/counselling help I received complemented and strengthened the spiritual work I did and still do in AA.
At first I was truly scared to attend meetings but I pushed through the fear. It took about three months before I felt at home in AA meetings. I love learning and sharing. I have a small network of friends in AA who have the same problem and solution.
So I guess my message is to put your head down and do the work. In time, the fear will leave and you will find peace.
Oh, and I went through this 6 1/2 years ago. No more anxiety, no more fear, no desire to drink at all!
I started attending meetings (2 or 3 a week to start), got a sponsor and worked through the steps.
I found that the medical/counselling help I received complemented and strengthened the spiritual work I did and still do in AA.
At first I was truly scared to attend meetings but I pushed through the fear. It took about three months before I felt at home in AA meetings. I love learning and sharing. I have a small network of friends in AA who have the same problem and solution.
So I guess my message is to put your head down and do the work. In time, the fear will leave and you will find peace.
Oh, and I went through this 6 1/2 years ago. No more anxiety, no more fear, no desire to drink at all!
2Cor5:17
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Between Doctor's opinion & pg 164
Posts: 4,187
Congrats on 4 mths!!
No matter how much time one has, it's important & significant coz that's the amount gotten & wishing for more doesn't help anyone.
My sponsor has never told me how many mtgs I should make in a day or wk. Going to them is as taking medication. Since I suffer from disease that has no known cure, have to take @ least one pill(mtg) a day. When disturbed either emotionally, spiritually or even physically, might go to two or three depending what schedule is asking.
In early sobriety, was so "addicted" to mtgs, that nthg else mattered & ignored a lot of other responsibility. This included if went a day w/o one, would carry around bad attitude & just be a pain to those around me; & I'm sure they asked themselves "whats point of aa if he's still acting the same as when drinkin?". But that's one of the ism's I didn't know I had. Now I can go day or two w/o and still act the way I'm supposed to coz I've got "mtgs in the bank". Plus since I text a lot, that's sometimes a mtg for me coz get to be happy for someone whose life is on the upward & if downward, can give encouragement or maybe some words of advice based on my ESH.
Used to live to go to mtgs but now go to mtgs to live
Best wishes
No matter how much time one has, it's important & significant coz that's the amount gotten & wishing for more doesn't help anyone.
My sponsor has never told me how many mtgs I should make in a day or wk. Going to them is as taking medication. Since I suffer from disease that has no known cure, have to take @ least one pill(mtg) a day. When disturbed either emotionally, spiritually or even physically, might go to two or three depending what schedule is asking.
In early sobriety, was so "addicted" to mtgs, that nthg else mattered & ignored a lot of other responsibility. This included if went a day w/o one, would carry around bad attitude & just be a pain to those around me; & I'm sure they asked themselves "whats point of aa if he's still acting the same as when drinkin?". But that's one of the ism's I didn't know I had. Now I can go day or two w/o and still act the way I'm supposed to coz I've got "mtgs in the bank". Plus since I text a lot, that's sometimes a mtg for me coz get to be happy for someone whose life is on the upward & if downward, can give encouragement or maybe some words of advice based on my ESH.
Used to live to go to mtgs but now go to mtgs to live
Best wishes
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