Thesouthern1

Hi there all, I am a mommy of two and have been a binge drinker since I was 14 and since having children (5 and 2) and becoming a stay at home mom I have become a daily wine drinker (no drinking what so ever whilst pregnant) I started on this slippery slope of having wine every night after my son was born, it started so innocently like it always does I feel like I deserve to have wine at night after giving my whole day/life to my kids 24/7 365 but how stupid!!! I feel ike absolute rubbish in the mornings, I used to be beautiful, now I am bloated and tired looking, I dont like feeling like I do after an evening but I cant stop!!! I know I am an alcoholic -I know I am in too deep, I know the wine bottle is going to steal my life, how can I be so stupid to carry on but the voice is too strong, the need is too encompasing, Its like being led to the edge of a cliff and not being able to stop myself from jumping - what a cruel illness, so cruel!

Daisyjo

Thesouthern1~ I'm a mom and was a nightly drinker. I loved wine. For years and years I drank every night. I wanted to quit so badly but I just couldn't do it until I joined SR. I read it everyday and somehow I've been able to stop. It's a horrible cycle that lead me to anxiety and depression that were excruciatingly painful. I'm three and a half months without alcohol and I'm a different person. I'm working on fixing all the stuff about me that I broke. I'm working on getting to the life that I deserve. Working is the key word. But I'm willing to do the work for me and my family. Maybe I'll even have friends again.
I'm sending you lots of love and support like what you'll get from loads of people on SR. I wish for you a sober journey filled with the life that YOU choose for yourself. It starts with the very simple choice not to drink.

BigHug You are not alone.

Tamerua

I'm a mom and man did I love me some wine! Can't be an alcoholic if you're a wine drinker, it's too fine! I thought that and deep inside I knew it was a problem.

You can stop, it isn't easy for the first few weeks but you have to start somewhere right?

gardendiva

I am also a mom who drank wine every night. (Beer or vodka sometimes too.)

I quit, so can you. Welcome to SR.

Thesouthern1

Thank you so much for the replies, sometimes I feel like I am the only mommy on the whole planet who drinks too much wine, all my friends can have a glass and stop, me I have to have an empty bottle - its evil and its all I think about

alphaomega

There's a great book out there that Nuudawn suggested and I have started reading that is about EXACTLY this.

The Sober Revolution - women calling time out on wine o'clock.

Really good reading.

Welcome to the family.

DoloresHaze

I've always felt that it would be easier to quit drinking if i was single and childless. With nobody depending on me, I could focus on myself and ride out the trials of withdrawl in peace.

But when you're a mom, time can't stop. Things need to get done and I'd rather have a few drinks and get on with my life then have to do everything while battling cravings/withdrawl etc.

Thesouthern1

I totally agree with you DoloresHaze, I think the responsibility of being a wife/mom/home maker is just one hellva lot to deal with and as my kids are so small, I always have to think now how can I make it to a meeting, how can I get help when I cant even pee by myself?!

Climber122

I find it helps to seperate out "wine" from "ethyl alcohol." It's the alcohol we are addicted to. We attach so many positive memories, feelings and associations to "wine" right? You said it yourself - it's your refuge - you deserve it. But "wine" is simply a drug like any other alcoholic beverage - and for an addict ethyl alcohol becomes the only thing that brings us peace after a while.

I'm a father, not a mother but without giving you my life story I can tell you that I relate to the pressures you're talking about. I would consider seeking out a family counselor or drug and alcohol counselor with family experience who really understands the stress of motherhood and can help you design some coping strategies that don't include alcohol. It is indeed daunting to consider giving up the one thing that's bringing you peace - it's a very strong addiction. But it seems you can see it for what it is clearly.

And here's the REAL incentive... Once you've been sober a little while you'll have more patience, more energy, and feel so much better mentally - all good things when running the household as you do. It's hard to see how bad alcohol is making you feel because that nightly payoff when drunk is so rewarding... but trust me, you will indeed feel much, much better on the whole. The call to return is strong though, so it is very advisable to find a counselor or support group to help you will the addiction and with other problems that crop up. Do what you have to so you can provide childcare for your kids while you're away for counseling - even if for only an hour a week. You are their rock and need to take care of YOU FIRST, so YOU can take care of THEM next

DoloresHaze

I really know what a tricky, vicious, confusing thing this addiction is.

It's like there are 2 islands. One is called Sobriety and the other is called Nice Buzz, and both are paradise. In between are shark infested, scary waters.

you know you want to get to the paradise of Sobriety, but man that water is terrifying.

hopeful4

So what can you do to reward yourself in other ways?? I think being a SAHM is hard work and you do deserve a reward!

Before I broke my leg, at night I would wait until my kids were in bed and go to the gym that is right around the block form my house. Now, I know that does not seem like a reward, but said gym has a hottub and a sauna. I would do my workout and then reward myself by spending an extra 20 mins hottubbing and using the sauna.

I think it's important to have a reward in mind!!!

freshstart57

Southern, you said you didn't, couldn't drink while pregnant. How did that happen? Not the pregnancy, I have my own ideas about that, but the sobriety. What happened to your 'disease', as you call it, when you were pregnant? What sort of disease is this?

You can choose to quit, Southern, you can understand that this is something you simply will not do.

zjw

Thats awesome. Took me a year of sober time to come out of denial about it myself and finally announce it.

I got 6 kids I"m a father and work from home. There is no peace in my house. But I've had to force time out for myself to get healthy so i can be better for everyone else.

bluehour

What do you mean by "what sort of disease is this?"?

I never drank pregnant (4x) and I am sure that some of the hormonal changes that come with pregnancy are responsible for making it easier to quit alcohol.

Are you implying alcoholism is not a disease?

PurpleKnight

I was single and childless when I drank and that almost created a different type of problem I found, because if no one was depending on me then what was the problem with drinking myself into oblivion every evening?!!

It nearly got to the point of convincing myself that if I even died, well I wasn't leaving anyone who depended on me, so pass that bottle and let the party continue, coming home from work and having an empty house and no responsibilities opened up a whole evening of drinking on my own!!

Alcohol seems to make it's way into our lives no matter the circumstances, but I also know we can turn it around, we can rewrite our futures!!

SoberLife2014

Welcome to the club Thesouthern1! You'd be surprised by how many wine addicted mommies there are out there and how many have found happy, balanced lives through sobriety (myself included). If you're ever interested please join some of us at the moms and mums club http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post4833279

hollybear

Oh how I understand being a drinking mommy. For me it also started out as a glass of wine at night as well. It was my reward for myself. I switched to vodka though as the disease progressed.
I still view it as a "reward" although it is ruining my body, mind, and life. That is the mindset that I think we have to work on. Alcohol is not a reward. It is a death sentence and not our friend.

aasharon90

I too was one of those moms that used
alcohol as a reward for a full days work
as a mom of 2 and a wife. Sitting by myself
after everyone went to bed and enjoy
peace and quiet soon became a bore to
me and wanted and needed some excitement.

I then used a girls night out to unwhine and
listen to music. From there I didn't want the
excitement of the night to end and eventually
found myself unfaithful and driving home
under the enfluence.

Each time I returned home there was an
argument. Eventually I used that to fuel
my resentment and continued to go out
after I put my little ones to bed.

In Feb. 1990 on my way home in the wee
hours, I ran off the road less than a mile
from hime hitting a concrete culvert sitting
on top the ground. I ended up spending 10
days in the hospital with them removing my
punctured spleen so I wouldn't bleed to death.

Over the next few months I heal quite nicely
without drinking and using just the meds for
pain. However, once there was no more pain,
I dropped the meds, but my disease, illness,
addiction was calling me loudly.

So off I went right back to the same place,
same club, drinking, more lies, more arguments
and in August 10, family intervened on me
after I took a hand full of pain meds and
not waking up.

My first full day without alcohol was August
11,1990, 24 yrs ago today in rehab where
I spent the next 28 day learning about my
addiction and its affects on me and those
around me. I was taught some valueable lessons
and given a program of steps and principles
to incorporate in my everyday life to help
me remain sober and build a strong foundation
in recovery to live my life upon for many
one days at a time sober.

I did everything to the best of my ability
to stay sober including taking my little
ones with me to meetings or leaving them
with a relative. Once they both were in
school, I made sure I went to a noon meeting
so I would and could be available to my
family when they all were home.

Over the yrs. I first proved that I could stay
sober, but mostly I wanted and needed to
for myself. Today, my kids are grown and
gone living healthy, happy, prosperous
lives.

Both my spouse and I eventually divorced
peacefully and remarried. Im back in my
hometown living a life in recovery, healthy,
happy and honest in all my affairs passing
on all that knowledge that was freely passed
on to me over the yrs. to folks like you here
in SR.

You too can change from where you are
now to a healthy, happy mom, wife, parent,
in recovery and no more wine.

FeenixxRising

Many people who have stopped drinking do not believe in the disease theory of addiction/alcoholism. There are experts who also dismiss the disease theory. While the disease theory does seem to be the consensus amongst addiction experts, not everyone believes this is the case. Personally, I don't know the answer. For myself, the why wasn't important, I just knew I could no longer control my drinking and I had to stop.

FeenixxRising

Welcome to SR Southern. You had the ability to quit while you were pregnant, so you have the ability to quit now. Don't ever doubt that ability.