justme

I am so disappointed with myself... 35 years old and still struggling with this I'm at the point were I feel like this is how I'm always going to be there is no hope. I pray and try to not drink. I'm not the the kind of drinker that has to drink everyday, I'm the drinker that drinks every once every few weeks and completely blacks out. I try to control my drinking but I can't and they not knowing what I did starts to weigh on me to the point I slip into depression. Because I hate myself for not being able to control myself. Someone on here said they were a ticking time bomb that's exactly how I feel. How do I erase all the shame and embarrassment I've done up until now I can't see a bright future and I don't know how to let go and give myself a second chance to start over. Lately I feel like all I care about is what people think of me. Need some feedback please.

PurpleKnight

Hey jlomanzo, not many people can remain Sober simply through sheer willpower, many need some support and a recovery plan in place, are you getting enough suport? meetings? etc

I tried to do it on my own for a long time, but it never worked, I needed to change things up a bit to change the outcome!!

We can't change the past, but we can certainly change the future and rewrite the ending to our story, everyone has it within themselves to change, so don't give up hope, don't beat yourself up too much!!

Go at things again, tweak your plan, and you'll get there!!

Anna

You can't erase the shame and embarrassment, but you can accept what happened and forgive yourself. Move on. Don't worry about what other people think of you because it's not important. Focus on yourself and your recovery and you'll be fine. You don't have to be in those situations anymore.

desypete

i notice you said you prayed yet still go back on the drink

can i ask you what you expect from the praying ? do you think the problem will be gone as if by magic ?
it really doesnt work that way my friend as we have to put the effort in,

i was so like you at one time in my drinking as i could give it up for a while, more so if i did something i was ashamed of i would stay of the drink for a while but go back on it again once the dust had settled
i was trying hard to control my drinking when i was drinking in other words i was trying hard to not drink enough that would make me black out or get totaly smashed as i know if i did i would end up in trouble

but no matter how much i tied once i took a drink i want more and more and more
i dont have an off switch for drink once i take one

then i have the mental part were i think about drink all week long can not wait for the weekend to start so i can drink etc

the only way i have found helped me to combat this is in aa as i identify with most alcoholics, they think me, they live like me, and they drink like me, or most do

so thats where i got my help and were i still get my help today
my drinking progressed from where your drinking is as i went from weekend binge drinking to everyday drinking
that's what happens to alcoholics like me unless they stop before it happens

so the point is there is no easy fix for this it takes a lot of effort on your part to put the leg work in
and that means things like when your tempted for a drink do something else like call people up or go along to an aa meeting whatever it takes and that feeling will pass use this site to contact people tell them how your feeling etc let others help you etc

good luck

heath480

Sorry that you are struggling.

Make a decision to stay away from picking up the first drink.

Don't be hard on yourself,you deserve sobriety.

I wish you well.

zjw

when i quit i was a ticking time bomb for a while. any little thing was like a nuke might get set off. I walked the house with gritted teeth and a clenched fist I climbed the walls but I got through it it gets easier.

Someone once said in reference to quiting smoking and failing that you gotta keep trying you cant give up on trying to quit because sooner or later it'll stick and you'll be free of it.

thats always stood out to me. Just keep trying you will get it.

zjw

and when you worry what other people think you end up taking that problem of whatever they think and making it yours to sort out. You probably have enough other issues to worry about without having to worry about that too.

waynetheking

Desypete, praying and asking my higher power for sobriety was the only thing that worked for me. It wasn't magic. It was waking up one morning and knowing god answered my prayers. It was that easy. AA is a wonderful group of people. But only god could relieve my alcoholism. I truly believe god can help anyone here who desires to stop drinking. All you have to do is ask.

desypete

forgive me but the op prayed and still drank so god didnt answer his prayers same as it didnt answer mine and plenty more, glad god answers yours