Spared

Yet another morning of waking up, regretting and not remembering the night before. Drank way too much, got in an argument with my loved one, fell down some stairs, did lots of stupid things. So often I've been here before, stopped for days, a week, then convinced myself I didn't have a problem, it really wasn't that bad, I'm just a 'social' drinker, everyone does it. Started with a few drinks again, here and there. Couple more another night, then started drinking alone again, getting totally wasted until I end up here again.

I just want to tell myself I do have a problem, I can't drink one or two, and the way I drink isn't normal. I'm not able to be a social drinker. I need to get off this cycle.

Thank you for listening

PurpleKnight

I went round and round that same cycle for a long time, I finally needed to accept that abstinence doesn't fix or cure me, that 1st drink will lead to the same spiral of drinking, whether it's days, months or years!!

Surrendering I had no control over alcohol made life a whole lot easier, no more trying to moderate, no more trying to be a social drinker!!

You can do this!!

Ghostlight1

Hello and welcome.
You just described me. I tried every possible way to drink and it always progressed to out of controlled drinking.
Moderation isn't an option for me. I'm an alcoholic and can never drink safely.
It's been three years seven months sober for me, and I lived with a drinking problem for twenty three years.
Next time you feel like having a drink, remember how you feel now and realize you never have to feel that way again.
Best to you, my friend, I know where you're coming from.

Spared

Thank you, it actually makes me teary reading your responses. It's amazing to hear you shared this experience and survived, and that there's a way out. I'm so ashamed to admit this is a problem to anyone. People I have told have been a bit dismissive, as they don't see the smuggled booze, the hang over days or the self loathing. Guess I'm just good at hiding it.

j808

I'm a lot like you, I could never be a social drinker no matter how hard I try. It's time to make some changes, you can do it.

silentrun

Welcome Spared. I think the most important person to admit it to is yourself. I told a few people I was an alcoholic. I got the same response. I just knew I couldn't live like that one more day.

Spared

Been reading through threads on here most the day. Amazing to see that stopping drinking can have such positive effects and lead to amazing things. A big part of me is scared to stop as I won't be the person I am anymore. Second thoughts, that would be really really great.

desypete

i tried so hard to be a social drinker i really did, but no matter how much i tried i would always end up drunk and in a mess again,
i would have to hide away from people who i had made a fool of myself in front of, sometimes i had no were to hide i was would wake up in a police cell and have to face the courts for yet another drunk and disorderly or a fight etc

everytime i tried to say thats it no more, i would end up back there again

for me i had to lose it all before i finaly gave in and knew in my heart i could not drink again
i was ready then for help and to accept i am powerless over drink
if i take just one drink it will start me off again

it might not happen right away but give it time and sure enough i will be right back in that mess again

they said to me in aa when am i ever going to learn ?

so look at your past with drinking and see where its got you
make a list of all the things you have done wrong with drink see how long the list gets if your honest
and thats just with drink, wait till your able to look at yourself sober and see how long the list get lol

i dont know what it will take for anyone to wake up and see what is really going on but i keep close to aa for me as i see people all the time either drank again or drunk or in so much pain as there trying to stay sober
i might not be able to help them but i know how much they help me

least

Welcome to the family. I hope the support here can help you stop drinking for good.

PurpleKnight

The person I was before Sobriety was the guy who came home every evening after work, drank myself blackout drunk every night, when I'd be out drinking I'd do plenty of embarrassing and regretful things, I wasted money, was reckless, had a lower performance at work, was damaging my health!!

You mentioned:

Do you still want to be that person?

Spared

Thank you. Too painful and raw to make a list of all the stupid s**t I've done when drunk. It would be long and tough to read. So no, I don't want to be that person any more.

Spared

I just really want this to be the last time.

SoberHoopsFan

I used to "quit" after every bad binge, then start right back up again after 2-4 days. The phrase "never again" became something of a bad joke for me. This went on for many many years, then I progressed to even worse stages.

Acceptance that I can never have 1, under any circumstance, no matter what, has been key for me staying sober. You will never get away from your cycle unless you accept the same, it seems like you are already coming to that conclusion on your own.

Welcome aboard.

Spared

Absolutely soberhoops. There's a part of my mind that still feels I can be a social drinker, although I'm starting to know that's wrong. I'm feeling a bit self pitying, like 'WHY can't I drink normally?'.

Mags1

Hi Spared. I know what you mean, I convinced myself time and time I could drink normally and control it and did until the next binge and next and next and so on. It really feels like we've drawn the short straw, it's not fair.

That's how I felt that I could not be that sensible drinker.

Then, after a while sober, I found a life without regrets, with honesty. No more embarrassments. I Can hold my head up high.

No, life isn't perfect, things happen, but when dealing with it sober there's no big drama, life has took another turn. It's plus plus for all of us.

desypete

can i ask you how you would feel should a dr tell you that your allergic to nuts or dairy products ?

would you accept it and not take in nuts or dairy products or would you carry on taking them as you would feel sorry for not being able to have them anymore ?

i had to accept i am allergic to alcohol, it effects me differently than normal drinkers ie i get smashed all the time and normal drinkers dont they can control there intake i can not

so for me i am simply allergic to alcohol as i know what it will do to me if i take it just the same as someone who can not eat nuts will know what it does to them so they dont eat nuts

Hevyn

Welcome Spared - I'm so glad you joined us. I felt so much better when I could talk freely about my addiction.

I was in the same state when I joined SR 7 yrs. ago. I had once really enjoyed drinking socially, but those days were gone. I tried so hard to find a way to hold on to it, but in the end I was completely dependent on it & drinking all day. It changed my behavior into that of a stranger - I couldn't be trusted if I had it in my system. It feels so good to be free of it. You will see! You can do this.

Spared

Just being here is really helping. Thank you guys. I look forward to staying here a while.

trailrunrbyday

Welcome Spared. I got sick of the pattern. I got sick of being sick, of missing my life, of eroding my health, my spirit and ultimately losing the fabulous person that I knew was cloaked in a dark wrap of alcoholism. I haven't actually let myself think "I can NEVER drink again". That just feels too big(although I hope it to be true.)

Tomorrow is 2 wks sober. I go to AA meetings every day. I bathe in the glory of waking up every morning and after a milli-second thinking "oh no....what did i......." I realize WAHOOOOOOOOOO I made another 24 hours! I didn't drink, I have NO regrets or shame and I feel FABULOUS. (Note - falling asleep the first several nights was very hard and it is just getting easier - reading before bed helps - and I can REMEMBER what I read the next day!).

I'm changing habits, re-introducing daily exercise (my road bike seems to hum with happiness to be used again!), avoiding situations that will make it hard for me.

I am literally only dealing with today. I might drink tomorrow. I hope not but every single day I just deal with THAT day and suddenly it seems pretty darned easy.

I want my life back. Do you?

waynetheking

Welcome spared. Never be ashamed of being a recovering alcoholic. That means you been given a chance at life. Alcoholism is fatal. Just don't drink today. Thats all u have to do. Each day resolve not to drink. All other problems will become less important as time passes. Trust me. Sobriety rocks my friend. And the only way your going to know this is by not drinking. You will amazed how time will pass and you wont care about throwing yourself in a ditch anymore by drinking. Stay with us. Were here for ya!