Sleepingghost1

Long Story short. I have been sober for 158 Days.

My boyfriend received a job offer to work for my father in another state so we moved 12 hours away and are now at my Parents until I can find a house to rent. My mother is clearly an alcoholic. I in all honestly am totally fine with people drinking around me. I made it this far without drinking and I do not plan to throw it away. My boyfriend has a beer every now and then around me as well as some of my friends and I'm fine with it as long as I have some sort of soda to sip on.

Since I got here I have been so frustrated with my mother. Whenever anyone says how good I look since I quit drinking or congratulates me she gets all huffy and says "proud of you" in the most monotone forced I don't give a **** way.

She Drinks almost an entire box of wine (5 LTR) a day. IT DEFINITELY in no way will last her more than two days. She has been so disrespectful of my not drinking. One day she literally asked me to open her box of wine whole she ran to her car, she has asked me to hold a beer and asked me to pick her up alcohol at the store.

The other day I told her I did not appreciate it in anyway and it was absolutely disrespectful to ask her recovering alcoholic daughter to do such things.

I overheard her talking to my father the other day that I am not an Alcoholic and I'm full of ****.


I see her making all these stupid decisions she never would make sober. She's blatantly cheating on my father locks herself in her office until 3am chatting with people and sleeps til noon everyday. I don't know what to do at this point I sincerely believe she herself is an alcoholic and it's just such a bummer

PurpleKnight

Don't beat yourself up too much, Sobriety can sometimes seem threatening to others, people have to maybe ask difficult questions of their own drinking and many don't want to have to do that, hence the cold shoulder by some.

The other thing is many simply don't understand the problem, so people will say we don't really have a problem in the first place as we don't fit the stereotype eg living in a cardboard box, homeless etc.

I found the best way to deal with it all is surround myself with people who do understand, logging into SR and being around a community that gets it is such a relief!!

CodeJob

Hello SleepingGhost,

Very sad and frustrating to find lack of support and derision from your own mom. 158 days is a very good effort and you sound pretty comfortable in your skin too. Vent here.

I'll pray you find your own space soon!

aasharon90

I had to learn to accept people, places and
things as they are, because I have no control
over them. Their actions. Thoughts. Motives.

I had to separate or divorce myself from
my family of orgin because of the lack
of understanding or my addiction. I too
heard or was told that Im not an alcoholic
and that it is all in my head looking for
attention.

Just like me questioning them, so goes
it for them of me. What gives anyone the
right to question another? They don't know
me or what I think, believe. They don't know
what works for me. They don't live inside
my mind and body.

Only I know what I am, my addiction, what's
good or bad for me. What works or doesn't work.

Staying in or near a family of orgin that
a sickness or illness is, will or would keep
me sick and I would stay in it. Once I got
into recovery and learned how to become
healthy and happy, why would I want to
stay near or in a family of sickness?

To take care of me means I would have
to move away from it and I did in order
to stay healthy, happy and honest with myself
and in my life.

Taking care of me in recovery with a recovery
program to guide me would keep me sober
for a many one days at a time to get me where
I am today.

Happy, Joyous and Free.

It can be for you too.

Cow

Sleepyghost, I always very high functioning (but OBVIOUS) addict, so when I finally "come out" I was think is gonna be big reaction and everybody rally around me and help me to get better. ...but, reaction was total "meh."

Also, my family is total crap. Enough said about that.

Point is, sometimes, as hard as is to accept, truth is that it gonna be mostly our self who have to stand up and make commitment to take care of our own self. And find other community outside those we would maybe have hope to support us, but they not. Is sad I know, but is others here and in groups you can find will support you.

zjw

That has to be so frustrating that they discount your problems. Growing up my parents did the very same any problem i might have I was just a fat wuss failure. I needed to quit my cryen and stop being a baby. I was worthless and would never amount to anything. So I can relate you have a very real problem screw being supportive or not they want to make it out like your problem is a figmant. Sad very sad.

I would try not to let it get to you too much but given what you've said it really says a lot about your parents to be honest. Keep this sorta stuff in mind going forward in life and be sure to raise your guard and protect your emotions etc.. you know tread carefully that sort of thing. I dont know at this time anyhow how much support you could expect I'd just assume none and try not to worry about it. dont look for support in this area of your life from them Obviously you wont get it.

As far as them making you hold there drink or buy there wine given that they KNOW your situation it is rude. But they do it because clearly they think your situation is a figment of your imagination and really no big deal at all to them. Its just a sad reality.

I'm glad you posted about that tho. One thing I've toyed with latly is buying my wife a bottle of wine or wine coolers. She likes them but refuses to bring them in the house because of me becuase she respects my situation. I tell her all the time she can have that stuff if she wants it wont phase me. But i do worry i wont lie. I always figure if she wants that stuff she can get it herself but latly i've thought oh well i could go get it for her but then i think maybe i dont want to open that can of worms. Reading your post tells me yeah I probably dont want to start that or open that can of worms. its best that i dont aid someone with there drinking habits it could spell trouble for me.

Cow

Yes, zjw, I think bring booze into house, given reality of your true feeling, would be total dishonest to both you and you wife, no? Maybe instead of "tell you wife all the time that she can has this stuff and it not phase you" when that maybe not true, you should tell you wife all the time how very, very grateful you is that she respect and support you efforts to live sober. And how much you love her for this. I bet you anything that mean much more to her than couple of wine cooler.

zjw

you know i never thought of it that way before. I probably should have so many people are faced with unsupportive family members. I'm happy for her support but i always view my drinking problem as my drinking problem she shouldnt have to change her ways on acct of me.

fini

sleepingghost,

you don't know what to do....i wonder if you need to do anything other than getting/being clear on your boundaries?
doesn't sound like there's anything that's yours to do other than take care of yourself in a difficult situation and find a place to live.
disdain and dismissal are cruel and hurt, i know about that too, unfortunately . go with the truth you know about yourself as a basis, no matter what she says.
the hardest thing for me to do with my parents was/is to drop all expectations and hope that they'll be interested in what's real for me, or respectful of that.

if you can put your energy into finding a place to live and staying centred(ah, that over-used word), your frustration might ease.

GracieLou

I agree. If she hands you a beer or asks you to open her wine or buy her wine answer with a simple "no".

You do not have to argue or justify your reasons. You can't reason with an active alcoholic anyway so don't try. No is a complete sentence and needs no further explanation.

You know I read this twice and I could have swore the line read "was/is to drop all expectations and hope that they'll never be interested".

At first I was shocked I thought "never". Of course when I quoted it I seen that my mind put never in there but that is the reason I quoted it. It hit me like a lightening bolt. God Shot!

I believe my mother is a narcissist and if she was interested in my recovery I think I would have thrown myself off a cliff by now. For real! She is so controlling and manipulative that she would have attempted to control my entire recovery program. I can just imagine the exhausting hours at the kitchen table trying to explain my alcoholism. The dirty looks and snide comments on days I did not go to a meeting. The underhanded attempts to let me know she disapproves of just about everything. She would have compared me to my brother and my ex's that were alcoholic.

She would have tried in every way possible to ruin my recovery because she is a jealous, resentful, angry person. The fact that I got sober is a threat. I am clear minded now and I can see her for what exactly she is and she does not like it. She wants the old drunk crying insecure girl back so she can control her.

The fact that she was so disinterested, jealous and envious was a blessing. She was so wrapped up in her own pathetic life playing the victim that she missed a golden opportunity to try and ruin my life, again. She missed the forest for the trees.

I have never been so grateful in my life as I am right now that her personality disorder was the one thing that saved me from her wrath.

Got to love God moments. As hard as it was to deal with her and as hard as it was to removed from my home and my life, it could have been so much worse.

When God says no he does so for a reason, Thank God. He knows what he is doing.