PolarBearLion

Hi everyone, hope you are all doing well

Just wanted to say that ive been asked on a work night out next weekend and do not think I could face it as I would end up drinking if i go to a nightclub/bar at this time. I havent drank in around 6 weeks but if i go to this I just dont think I would enjoy myself without drinking.

Which gets me thinking, the past times and the annual Christmas doo.. I have drank at all those things and to be honest ive had a great time at each and everyone else loves being with me for a night out. I do not think I could go to the Christmas doo without drinking ethier.. But at the same time I feel as if ill be missing out bigtime as the past years of Christmas doo's / odd nights out have all been fantasic. Anyone else deal with this sort of thing or have any advice please as I dont want to mess up after this long time without drinking.

Thanks

doggonecarl

I don't have the issue with going out with work mates and wondering if I'm going to have fun not drinking...

...I don't go.

Hawkeye13

I found I can go to these things and not drink,
but I also had my doubts at first.
I get a coffee, or soft drink, and dance or talk with people.
If someone buys me a drink I give it away. I'm firm about that.

My strategy was to go, but to leave immediately if I
felt tempted and was going to give in.

If you don't think you have the will to do it,
then get "sick" and don't go.

It's only one night, but a relapse is unpredictable.

EndGameNYC

I could not go anywhere where booze was featured for more than a year when I got sober again. I wasn't worried about not having a good time if I didn't drink, but I was certain that I'd drink if I went. One event that I thought was "safe" was my sister's son's First Communion. I think it was held at a country club in Long Island. No problem being around my family who generally don't drink, including my mother who, at that time, had about thirty years of sobriety.

Well, there was a wedding reception taking place in another part of the CC. I strayed towards the reception while the rest of my family was walking the grounds of the CC. I imagined myself "crashing" the reception and drinking as much as I could before rejoining my family. I didn't pull the trigger on that part of my plan, if only because if I'd gotten caught then my family would have known what I was up to. So I wandered around the periphery of the reception, hoping to catch a stray bottle of opened wine, or anything really. It never happened. Rather than walking away relieved, I was extremely frustrated and not at all grateful that I didn't drink. That experience was enough for me to accept that I wasn't at all ready to be around booze.

trachemys

You answered your own question: you don't feel ready. You may feel ready later but don't risk it when you don't feel ready.

Honestly, as bad as I was, I never had a problem not drinking for a night since I was always designated driver. It's because I was as bad as I was that I would abstain instead of drinking to pass/black out out in public with other people.

drunktastic1002

As an alcoholic, I always have to check my motives before making a decision to attend a social event where drinking will be going on. Do I have to go or want to go? Am I prepared to leave this event feeling angry or jealous because others are drinking and I cant? In early recovery, I skipped all events that would be alcohol fueled or emotionally charged(holidays with family) for a good year. When I was in a place where my foundation in recovery was somewhat solid (its subjective) some things that helped me with attending social events where alcohol would be served were to take a sober friend along if possible, to always drive myself and not let my car get blocked in a driveway or parking lot, and to set a timer/alarm on my phone. When the timer would go off I would excuse my self to a restroom for a moment check in with myself and tell myself one of my many horrific drunk tales and affirm 3 things about my life that recovery has given me. These have all been useful practical tools for me.

PolarBearLion

Thanks, I think I will give this a miss until further along and feeling more ready to tackle it as some people have suggested. Maybe by christmas time I could still go to the christmas party and have a good time sober. Hate the thought of never being able to attend these things again incase I drink but hopefully in time Ill be confident that I can go and stay sober. some good tips also such as driving or bringing a sober friend thanks

SoberHoopsFan

If the sole purpose of the night out is drinking, it may be a bit uncomfortable being around drunk people while sober. I have no issues being around alcohol (61 days sober) in settings where the primary purpose of the activity is something other than drinking (family get-together, sporting event, restaurant, show, concert, etc.) but I generally avoid places where the primary purpose is to drink (bars, clubs, parties thrown by heavy drinkers, pub crawls, etc.).

What are the drinking habits of these co-workers? What I have also found out is most adults (27+) do not drink very heavily, the vast majority rarely have more than 1 or 2 drinks in an evening. I thought everyone got wasted while in my drinking days, but it was just people like me and a very small minority of the adult population. You may be surprised that others out at these events are either not drinking all or simply having a token drink, I know I was.

The other thing to remember is that at a work function with alcohol (including holiday parties), nobody cares that you're not drinking, the only person that does is the voice inside your head (Mr. AV) that wants to drink.

PurpleKnight

If it's going to be too much, there is no harm in giving it a miss!!

heartcore

I know myself well enough that if I am struggling to decide whether an event is "safe," then a very powerful part of me intuits that it will not be...

Many of my drinking memories are very positive. I have to be most careful about events associated with those great memories; they are the most dangerous for me. By the time I'm getting ready for such an event, I have already convinced myself that I'm simply a "heavy drinker who was going through a difficult time, rather than an alcoholic."

When I'm just excited about going to an event, and am not agonizing over whether or not I can do it without drinking, I know I can enjoy it sober.

Unfortunately, my experience is that the "super-fun memories" I had with work-mates going out were because we were drinking hard, and I got to bond in a different way with my daily peers and open up to them.

I'm trying to connect with other people in a more open and bonding way without the booze now. My hope is that I can have that feeling of connection and stay sober if I'm intentional about it.

It is no fun to quit drinking AND be lonely. We should be able to go anywhere we want - fearless and powerful.

I once did a multi-day winery tour in France while sober, just drinking fizzy waters. Not easy, but I would forever regret if I hadn't, because it was a great adventure with beloved friends. I admired myself and my strength for months afterward...I gained strength from it.

LBrain

good call on giving this a 'miss'. Do not romanticize drinking! It seems what you are doing. Give yourself some time. And if you are unsure of your ability to say no, then stay away.
Good luck.

NoJimmy

Even if you go and manage to not drink, I highly doubt you'll have much fun. With so little to gain, and so much to lose, the decision to not go seems like the best choice.
No need to complicate your life about the Christmas party today, you can make that decision later. As for the odd nights out, that sounds like missing your old lifestyle. In my experience, you can have that, or you can have sobriety. I'm strong enough to be around moderate drinkers, but I'm not willing to find out how long I can survive my old partying lifestyle before I buckle and join the "fun".

MattM316

I'm in the position now where I actually want to be around people drinking so I can get used to the situation where other people are drinking and i'm not.

I think you just need to try it. Leave early if it is too much, just make an excuse and say you feel unwell, but I think it's worth going just to see how you get on with not drinking when those around you are.

EndGameNYC

I wouldn't recommend such a trial by ordeal for someone with so little time sober. Getting sober is enough of a challenge on its own.

Patriciae

When I worked, applied and began practicing the 12 steps in my life, I was then able to go anywhere on this earth, whether there was alcohol being served or not. I had a defense against the first drink.

I can share this with you though, that at 6 weeks sober, there was no way that I could be around alcohol and feel safe from the yacking that would be going on between my own ears. I know at that early time in sobriety and for at least a year...I had a mind that I couldn't trust.

I would not have been able to quiet the clamor of the obsession of the mind, the mind that would LIE to me, by whispering .. *One won't hurt!* *Certainly after 6 weeks without a drink, I can now take just one.* *Everyone is drinking, I deserve to have a drink.* *It will be different this time*..... and without a defense against the first drink..... I would buy the LIE!

It was suggested that if I didn't have a defense against the first drink, then to decline invitations where alcohol is.....until I did have a defense against the first drink

SunnyMe

I tend not to go to these things. The few times it's important that I be there (hubby's work and the boss is there, for instance), I drink soda or coffee and we have a backup plan in case I need it. The babysitter has to go home works for me.

For me, it's not worth putting myself or keeping myself in a position where I'm uncomfortable. My sobriety comes first.

Whatever you choose, I hope it goes well, Polar!