hollybear

I hate to admit it but as a single mom, sometimes my kid is a big trigger for me. He is the biggest reason I want to keep the bottle down and also one of the biggest reasons I feel like picking it up. What a pickle I've found myself in.

Tonymblue

Kids, isnt that where the term "justifiable alcoholism"was first coined. Ive got 3 teenagers. I tell you, even apart from their BS, i would have to be drinking just to tolerate being around them. I had to end that cycle. 30 days ago i quit. I did do it for me, but a lot was to be a better me for them. I couldnt imagine being a single parent. You are much stronger than I. Stay strong, stay positive. Youre going to do fine.

DoubleBarrel

The truth for me was that alcohol was a crutch that I thought was helping me to cope.
The reality was that it made me irritable, ill mannered, impatient, and built up walls between myself and my kids.

Hang in there. It's much better sober. Just takes time.

desypete

i tend to be more of the kid than my kids in my little gang
my kids are always telling me off or asking me to behave when out lol

fini

just a thought, hollybear:

if you dig a little deeper, you might find that it's not the kid but things like emotions you experience at times which are evoked by the kid's behaviour.

it might not be the kid at all, but stuff such as low tolerance for stress, or frustration, or feeling of powerlessness about the behaviour, or anger, or ....
if you were to look more deeply and identify something a bit beyond "the kid", it might give more of a clue to something you can actually work on.

Resolv

First & foremost, I own my alcoholism, but people keep asking what my triggers are. Driving for 3 - 6 hours to and from a work assignment, my job, and my adult children. It seems like only yesterday they depended on me for many things. Now their adults. They go to work everyday, school, they pay taxes, vote and participate in their community. I'm irrelevant. I didn't see it coming and it caught me unprepared. I'm counting on sobriety bringing clarity to the situation and I'll adapt like so many fathers before me. Drinking just delayed me adapting like drinking delayed most things in my life. Sobriety is coming slowly (day 20), but SR is making me think and strategize how to stay sober for the long run.

Like you, my kids make me want to pick up the bottle and to put it down. In reality, I want to put it down, for good.

Good luck

JustB

hey i can relate to that, I have kids, and everything you just said rings true.

i guess i don't have anything intelligent to say, but for whatever its worth I can relate. I guess I always stayed sober because I had to drive, someone has to, after all.

ESD907

sometimes my son would make me nutso. If you have ever dealt with Aspergers, you will know what I"m talking about. I'd just grab the wine and lock my bedroom door. Obviously he did nothing to deserve ME, I should've been there helping. I am now. But boy oh boy, he makes me crazy. I used to hide, now I deal with it.

zjw

how it is for me. Its not my kids its having to have a job and deal with the responsiblities and weight of it all etc.. they didnt do nothing to trigger anything in my case. Oh sure they do things kids do but thats to be expected. But if at the end of the day i'm spent because of everything else in life then yes something the kids do thats totally normal can seem so much larger then it is etc..

soberlicious

I'm a single mom to triplets, but the ex and I have shared custody. One of my sons has autism, which comes with it's own set of challenges. They are teenagers now and I have been sober now for over 7 years. I used to think that these circumstances were triggers or reasons for me to drink, but in fact that is simply not true. Millions of people have challenging circumstances and they don't shirk their responsibilities to get drunk and high. I decided I wanted to be one of them.

Is life hard? Do my kids drive me crazy at times? Absolutely! But that's got zero to do with drinking alcohol.

anattaboy

As primary caregiver and a Dad of 3 girls (3, 11 and 13), the stresses of parenting are huge at times but no more than any other problem-solving issue in my life--just ongoing. Alcoholic blotto is somewhat predictable (like) and my kids are not (don't like). For me, being sober is being present for everything and making decisions in the midst of indecision and learning from that--and then get up and do it again. Every day is a win because I no longer hide and do nothing. Life is a raging river but I'm swimming instead of sitting on the bank.

Patriciae

Holly, I had a thousand excuses for why I drank and only one valid reason... I am an alcoholic, that's it.

I was a single mom and it can be really tough, tougher on some days then on others.... but the simple truth is, that drinking against my will was a lot Tougher.

When as a newcomer, things would seem overwhelming I used to take the suggestions that were given to me at AA meetings. I could ask my HP for help and then put that prayer into action by picking up the phone and calling my sponsor or another alcoholic in recovery. I could sit with the kids and color, or take them to the park and let them burn off some of that energy that kids are known for

I could get all of us ready and get to the nearest AA meeting, where it never failed to help me to put into perspective that I was SOBER and my two little ones (little at the time) were a gift, and that the only triggers I had in reality, were between my own two ears.

Being Sober, means that I have choices. I can stay sober in this one day and remember that This Too Shall Pass

gardendiva

My kids were huge triggers too. So much of my parenting anxiety is gone now that I'm sober - drinking was making it worse! Good luck.

Croissant

Yes, agree. I think our brain tricks us into thinking EVERYTHING is stressful and suddenly it's Drink-o-clock, yet again. Back on the rat wheel.

Children can be stressful. I think in hindsight, drinking is the most stressful and devastating thing that has happened in my life.

I understand early days are tough, but stick it out - learning new ways to deal with stress and turn off that AV are vital.

Be well.

Angel1555

Kids are totally a trigger. My kids are in college now but it is so stressful when they are home. Especially my daughter. We are like oil and water. After an hour with her I just want to retreat to my room and drink my wine. I have even fantastised about how great it would be to have a bedroom that was like a hotel room. You know with a minifridge and coffee maker so I could have my coffee in the morning without seeing anyone until I have had my two cups and a mini-fridge to keep my wine in so I could enjoy it by myself in peace.

hollybear

I know the reason I drink is that I'm an alcoholic. I most certainly do NOT blame my kid for it. Sometimes he just makes it harder to stay sober. I find that I'm actually a much more pleasant person when I drink. Alcohol makes me more easy going, silly, and kind. My "natural" self is a more irritable, grouchy person. I wish I could change that part of me, but it's so hard. I'm just not the most pleasant person. Alcohol made me more so. Sigh. I know that's not an excuse for drinking. But sometimes it's hard to cope.